Hold the phone! There’s a young female Disney star out there who doesn’t go around putting it about like a common tart – and that young star is 14-year-old Miley Cyrus from Disney’s Hannah Montana, who absolutely isn’t pregnant.

That didn’t stop the whole wide internet believing that Miley Cyrus was pregnant yesterday, though, when a report claiming she had a bun in the oven – with quotes apparently from Miley Cyrus herself saying things like “I’m going to take good care of my baby” – was spread around various websites at lightning speed. But now it’s emerged that the whole Miley Cyrus pregnancy story was all just a hoax that got out of hand – and a good thing too. Although if the story had been true, who could possibly blame Miley Cyrus for getting pregnant at 14? After all, Miley’s father is Billy Ray Cyrus, and if a girl can’t validate her crippled sense of self-worth stemming from years of taunts about her Dad’s spectacularly dreadful haircut by sleeping around like a hooker, then what can she do?

Trying to guess when Britney Spears will hit rock-bottom is fast becoming an impossible task – if you thought Britney Spears’ life couldn’t get worse after all that’s happened to her lately, you can’t have thought too much about Britney in jail.

In all the excitement yesterday about Britney Spears’ bodyguard blathering on about Britney’s drug overdose and chronic farting problem, we forgot to mention that Britney Spears might end up in jail after she was charged on Friday with hit and run and not owning a valid California driving license – all stemming from an incident in a car park in August. It’s all a sharp reminder of how far Britney Spears’ stock has fallen over the last few years – there was a time when the phrase ‘Britney Spears in jail’ conjured up images of a sexy pop video and not a red-eyed lunatic crouched in the foetal position crying and babbling a made-up language at her petrified cellmate who can barely even maintain consciousness due to Britney’s constant rancid farting. Remember those days? Do you?

Actors – if you ever star in a low-key thriller about all kinds of non-specific Serious Things and you want to boost publicity for the premiere, why not try busting up your ribs falling off a motorbike like George Clooney?

Up until Friday, there can’t have been many people all that excited about the premiere for George Clooney’s new movie Michael Clayton – about, as far as we can tell, an anxious lawyer running up a hill to make an important point about something serious – but since the premiere marked the first public outing for George Clooney after fracturing his ribs in a motorbike accident, the whole world paid attention to the Michael Clayton premiere just to see the extent of George Clooney’s injuries. And, by hurting himself right when the movie needed hyping most, there’s a chance that George Clooney may have started a Hollywood trend. So you know who to thanks when Tom Cruise invariably blows his own foot off with a shotgun a week before Lions For Lambs gets released.