Posts from September, 2007

Some fun DVD stuff this week.

Folded:

• The Prisoner 40th Anniversary DVD (if you’re still unsure of the greatest TV show ever, then you'll need to buy this mega-value box set and find out - costs around £60.00 or less. It has more extras than we have space to list, best of all being a fascinating feature-length retrospective documentary. This crazy 1960s show is so good that virtually everything decent since has been influenced by it. Out on 1st October)

• Steven Weber as Jack Rudolph in Studio 60 at the Sunset Strip on More4 (given another series or so and this guy would have been a legend)

• Comics Britannia (interesting three-part doc on BBC4 about the history of comic books in the UK. Well, we all bought them at one time)

• Oink comic (many moons ago Charlie Brooker wrote for this kids-own satirical chucklefest. They should bring it back… the time is right)

• Walking Tall 3: Lone Justice on DVD (really, if you fancy a good laugh watching people getting their fingers lopped off, or that guy from Hercules knocking someone out with a tin can, give it a go)

Creased:

• Lil Chris (we need a new reason now? Okay, his new song makes him look like a girl. A big-baby, girly girl)

• 300 on DVD (despite initial excitement for its cinema release, this is actually just a load of shiny bollocks. Almost literally)

• Binary watches (a fad last Christmas, so don’t be fooled into thinking they are anything more this year. Look at that, we’ve mentioned Christmas already)

• Shayne Ward (becoming somewhat ubiquitous again. Like a rash, or heart disease)

• Troy: Director’s Cut on DVD (bet you’ve been waiting for this, eh? Hmm? Haven’t you..?)

All Done In Good Time: The Life And Times Of Polly Shields by Greg Summerlin is a concept-y rock opera. No, come back - we didn't mean to scare you off. It's good. Promise.

How good? Good enough for us to assure you that All Done In Good Time: The Life And Times Of Polly Shields by Greg Summerlin is the best The Who and New Order-influenced concept album about a rebellious young girl and someone called The Paintaker of the year, and maybe ever.

No, come back, It is really good, honest.

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People people, relax. Despite what you may have heard on the internet recently, you're safe - no woman on the face of the Earth has been stupid enough to marry Michael Jackson again.

Not that people thought that yesterday, of course - way back then everyone was going loopy over claims that Michael Jackson had married his family's nanny Grace Rwaramba. But sadly any rumours of a Michael Jackson marriage are just that - official Michael Jackson spokespeople have dismissed the claim as a hoax. Thank God for that - if Michael Jackson really had got married then we'd have missed out on his stag party. And that would have been upsetting, especially since we spent so much money on BYOB Jesus Juice for it. But Michael Jackson had better get married soon - that little boy we hired to burst out of the wedding cake at the reception is going to out-grow his Marilyn Monroe outfit any day now.

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You know what's better than a band listing their songs by Roman numerals on their album sleeve? A band who looked as if they'd broken up years ago listing their songs by Roman numerals on their album sleeve, that's what.

By chance, that's what Let's Stay Friends by Les Savy Fav is. Having spent six long years waiting patiently for Les Savy Fav to release an album of new material since 2001's Go Forth, the pressure must have been huge on the band to deliver something new that lived up to their proud, fiercely independent blueprint and satisfied their slavering fans at the same time. And we'll be buggered if Let's Be Friends isn't exactly that.

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Lindsay Lohan has been to three different rehab facilities this year, turning her into something of an international joke; but Lindsay Lohan's smart enough to nip this pattern in the bud - so she's never going to leave this rehab, ever.

And by 'ever' we clearly mean 'this weekend'. Lindsay Lohan isn't leaving rehab this weekend. But she might sometime after that. Probably. Despite the rumours that Lindsay Lohan would be leaving the Cirque Lodge rehab in Utah within the next few days - presumably so she can inhale enough cocaine to fell a bear and then get arrested for crashing her car by Wednesday - Lindsay's mother Dina Lohan has denied these whispers completely. And, in other 'people not doing stuff' news, Janet Jackson hasn't done a tapdance for a duck, Paris Hilton hasn't bought a top hat with a propeller in it so she can fly around like Inspector Gadget and the one with the wet mouth from McFly hasn't discovered a new species of insect that only lives inside bras.  

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From Celebrity Big Brother to getting kissed by Richard Gere, Shilpa Shetty is not so much killing her career as throttling it with a giant bangle earring.

To anyone who lives on a diet of reality TV and reality TV, Shilpa Shetty is the only Bollywood actress in the history of the world. She has made every single Bollywood movie by herself, starring alongside herself and featuring herself in a cameo role. Though none of them are in English so they do not count as proper films anyway.

For those endowed with an ability to read subtitles or understand Hindi, Shilpa is an icon of the Mumbai film industry. Think a chic Angelina Jolie with fewer kids and fewer tattoos, and who probably smells better too. And who doesn't get arrested in airports, despite what some people say.

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Just because someone's famous doesn't mean they'd make a good spouse. We know this likely comes as a shock - but its first-hand experience talking.

We've been getting married to famous people since we were ten, and not a single one of those marriages has ever worked out. On the other hand, all three marriages we've had to non-celebrity people have worked out just fine - the second one being the best.

Come back to us Mona! In retrospect our mother likes you now!

Pink and her husband what's his face know the turmoil that can accompany celebrity marriages. Word on the street is they're currently having a hard go of things. By word on the street we mean someone overheard her talking in a restaurant, and by having a hard go we mean Pink stabbed her boy and stuffed him in a fruit cellar. Yeah, try to motocross with that knife in your leg, guy.

We made up the stabbing and the stuffing. Didn't happen.

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Now that the Phil Spector murder trial has been declared a mistrial, we all know once and for all that Phil Spector definitely didn't kill Lana Clarkson, unless he did, which he might have done for all anyone knows.

Oddly enough, Judge Larry Paul Fidler isn't happy with clear-sighted outcomes like this - he's like a one-man, bald-headed, truth-sniffing bloodhound pushing for a brand new Phil Spector murder trial that'll either a) find Phil Spector guilty of murder and send him to jail for the rest of his life, b) discover that Phil Spector is innocent and that Lana Clarkson killed herself and dig up her body and send that to jail for wasting everyone's time or c) exactly the same as that last one but without the bit about the grave-robbing. But it looks as if Phil Spector's retrial won't take place until at least Spring '08 because all of Phil Spector's lawyers are currently running as far away from him as they possibly can.

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OK, Barrel Mania has probably the least-enticing title in all of gaming history. That's right - someone loves barrels enough to whip themselves up into a mania about them, and that means you should, too.

But crappy title aside, Barrel Mania is actually surprising brilliant. Set in a dystopian, environmentally-collapsed future, Barrel Mania puts you in the place of the only man capable of restoring the world to its former beauty… with barrels! True, Barrel Mania is mostly about the transfer of chemicals inside wooden receptacles - but when has that ever not been fun, huh?

Order Barrel Mania Now

Download Barrel Mania

Oh, we try, you know.

We're always doing our best. We always try to be funny or witty or - if all else fails - just plain sarcastic. Yet occasionally something comes along that just leaves us speechless.

Like this.

Fast For George W

Face it - there's absolutely nothing more cultural for a human being to do than go through a messy divorce with an angry one-legged woman and then jig about like a whistling, mandolin-wielding pixie on an advert for digital music downloads.

And that makes Paul McCartney the most cultural man that the Earth has ever seen. Lucky, then, that Paul McCartney comes from Liverpool and Liverpool will be the European Capital Of Culture next year. Surely it's a match made in heaven - albeit the part of heaven that hasn't worked out that Paul McCartney actually more or less comes from Hastings these days. Anyway - Paul McCartney, Liverpool, European Capital Of Culture… this can only mean one thing! That's right, Ringo Starr is going to a concert in Liverpool next year!

Yeah, and Paul McCartney's doing one too. But, come on, Ringo Starr…

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Ah the 1980s. The decade that time forget. Not a lot of interesting stuff happened back then. All hecklerspray knows about the eighties is that it was full of horrible cheesy pop songs that haunt many student nightspots and wedding receptions every week. 

Also, this period of time produced some now brilliantly dated TV that we watch regularly through UK Gold and ABC1. With its shockingly bad canned laughter and dodgy looking sets, 1980s TV made Big Brother look watchable. It was also a time when places like McDonalds were riding high, before science worked out that dimwits only eating shit food would end up obese. Still, on the plus side, fatties back then had 20 years twenty years of power-eating to look forward to before realising that consuming junk food is the equivalent of self harming and suing the nutsacks off McDonalds.  

Anyway, somebody on the McDonalds marketing team in the 1980s must have cottoned onto the fact that crap songs sell well. Putting two and two together, they came up with five - resulting in this strange advertising song - complete with a McDonalds dance! If you wanted to publicly proclaim you were a total twat, then doing the arches with McDonalds was probably the fastest way. We really hope the people in this advert were lynched for crimes against music, acting and selling their soul to McDonalds.