In the past, music videos by The Horrors have featured bloodthirsty aliens splattering out of Samantha Morton's vagina - so obviously any subsequent videos that don't feature that are bound to be something of a letdown.

We're sad to inform you, in that case, that the video to The Horrors' new video She Is The New Thing doesn't feature

Hot Fuzz - the kickass Simon Pegg/ Edgar Wright/ Nick Frost buddy cop comedy movie that would have taken America by storm if it weren't for that film about the kid looking at murderers in his garden - gets its UK DVD release on June 11.

Since Magicians looks like a lot of Sunday teatime Mac advert claptrap, the case for Hot Fuzz being the best British comedy of the year is growing daily - and that makes the Hot Fuzz DVD release date important. So important, in fact, that we've been given all sorts of Hot Fuzz merchandise to give away to you in a special little Hot Fuzz DVD competition. What kind of Hot Fuzz merchandise? Only an ultra-rare signed framed Hot Fuzz poster and three natty little Hot Fuzz bags, that's what.

What are you planning on doing with your Friday night?

Going out with some friends, having a few drinks, chatting to a few ladies and possibly getting lucky? Or maybe going home, sitting on your own, drinking eight cans of Super-Strength Kestrel and weeping into your Pot Noodle about how life has never been the same since Mary-Beth left and took

Ozzy Osbourne has been doing his impression of lovable granddad with a lobotomy for a while now. He does jokes and skits on chat shows, then falls over in public yelling “Sharon!” The Devil’s own Norman Wisdom, if you will.

Ozzy's funnies usually involve the cacophony of drugs and booze he has ingested over the years. We laugh along while the toxins continue to rip through his system, making him jibber and shake and stuff. Quite possibly the only thing 'funnier' would be if he set fire to himself on a pedalo, again while shouting “Sharon!”, accompanied by the theme from Captain Pugwash.

What has Ozzy said about his stay at the Betty Ford Clinic? That he thought it had a bar. What a crazy shaky old git Ozzy Osbourne is.

You know, this is probably our favourite part of Big Brother - the part where you don't know anyone's name, even though you're perfectly aware they'll be nationwide hate figures in less than a fortnight's time.

As the all-female Big Brother housemates nosedive into their first weekend spent together in the Big Brother house, there's still one important thing missing - a man. Tonight, we're told, the twelfth Big Brother housemate will enter the house, and he'll be a male. That poor boy. Although being a man going into a house with 11 women might seem like a treat on the surface, we estimate that it'll take about three seconds of listening to the relentless full-volume pack shrieking about make-up and diets and curtains before the poor boy tries to rip the skin from his face in an effort to make the bad noise go away.

Here are the Big Brother betting odds to win for the housemates we couldn't be arsed to get round to yesterday - Shabnam, Emily, Laura, Nicky and Carole - with help as ever from Paddy Power...