From the monthly archives:

June 2007

CD Review – Orange Can, Exit Chasing

by Stuart Heritage

It’s odd to think, but spaced-out pulse-rock maestros Orange Can aren’t so far removed from Paula Abdul – both have had serious back injuries that have resulted in quite a lot of prescription medication being necked.

But where this medication appears to have turned Abdul into a permanently giggling space cadet who barely seems to know where she is half the time, it’s spurred Orange Can onto produce their third album Exit Chasing – a pulsating, low-key shuffled groove of an album that genuinely couldn’t be any more lovely.

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Michael Jackson Is A Bad Ass Rapper, Y’all

by Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray was saddened when Michael Jackson’s terminally-ill kiddy-wanking trial ended. Not because we enjoy watching famous people potentially go to prison, but because we wouldn’t hear any more tales of Jesus Juice.

Now all we have to go on is the expectation of a new Michael Jackson album that, like the new Guns ‘N’ Roses album, will be inevitably shit – if either of them actually ever come out. But instead of getting more botched plastic surgery or even trying to prove to the world he can still sing, Michael Jackson has strangely bought the rights to some of Eminem’s back-catalogue. It seems as if working with the stupid named one from The Black Eyed Peas didn’t work out for him, so now Jackson has opted to try and become a new white rapper. Er… scratch that last one.

Hecklerspray was saddened when Michael Jackson's terminally-ill kiddy-wanking trial ended. Not because we enjoy watching famous people potentially go to prison, but because we wouldn’t hear any more tales of Jesus Juice. Now all we have to go on is the expectation of a new Michael Jackson album that, like the new Guns 'N’ Roses album, will be inevitably shit - if either of them actually ever come out. But instead of getting more botched plastic surgery or even trying to prove to the world he can still sing, Michael Jackson has strangely bought the rights to some of Eminem’s back-catalogue. It seems as if working with the stupid named one from The Black Eyed Peas didn’t work out for him, so now Jackson has opted to try and become a new white rapper. Er… scratch that last one.
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Phil Spector Murder Trial: Judge Mulls Lana’s Crazy Diaries

by Stuart Heritage

So far, much of the Phil Spector murder trial has rested on how much of a nutter people think Phil Spector is, but now – for a change – the focus is shifting onto how much of a nutter people think dead Lana Clarkson was instead.

The judge presiding over the Phil Spector murder trial is currently considering whether or not to allow some of Lana Clarkson’s diaries to be used as evidence. If they are allowed, they’ll be a keystone of Phil Spector’s defence, since they contain passages where Lana Clarkson – a washed-up actress who died of a gunshot to the head – has visions of seeing a washed-up actress who killed herself with a gun. Even more damningly, however, are the sections of the diary where Lana Clarkson describes waking up in the morning, eating a bowl of cornflakes, brushing her teeth, shopping for apples, returning home and sort of sitting about in front of the TV a bit waiting for Deal Or No Deal. Damning, we say.

So far, much of the Phil Spector murder trial has rested on how much of a nutter people think Phil Spector is, but now - for a change - the focus is shifting onto how much of a nutter people think dead Lana Clarkson was instead. The judge presiding over the Phil Spector murder trial is currently considering whether or not to allow some of Lana Clarkson's diaries to be used as evidence. If they are allowed, they'll be a keystone of Phil Spector's defence, since they contain passages where Lana Clarkson - a washed-up actress who died of a gunshot to the head - has visions of seeing a washed-up actress who killed herself with a gun. Even more damningly, however, are the sections of the diary where Lana Clarkson describes waking up in the morning, eating a bowl of cornflakes, brushing her teeth, shopping for apples, returning home and sort of sitting about in front of the TV a bit waiting for Deal Or No Deal. Damning, we say.
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Calum Best: ‘It’s Not My Fault I’m A Dick’

by C J Davies

You know, people can get addicted to the strangest things.

Hecklerspray once shared a flat with a girl who thought that mixing Diet Coke and milk together made for the most delicious drink in the world. And – a little closer to home – there are certain members of the ‘spray office who can’t quite kickstart the day without wolfing down eight packets of Space Raider crisps. And who can blame them? They are possibly the tastiest alien-based corn snack on the market.*

Calum Best, son of George (who was a bit of an alcoholic wife-beating thug, but he was jolly good at football, so that’s okay), has only gone and gotten himself addicted to something much more disreputable. The 26-year-old model-slash-halfwit has announced that he is seeking help for his:

” … addiction to alcohol, drugs and prostitutes.”

You know, people can get addicted to the strangest things. Hecklerspray once shared a flat with a girl who thought that mixing Diet Coke and milk together made for the most delicious drink in the world. And - a little closer to home - there are certain members of the 'spray office who can't quite kickstart the day without wolfing down eight packets of Space Raider crisps. And who can blame them? They are possibly the tastiest alien-based corn snack on the market.* Calum Best, son of George (who was a bit of an alcoholic wife-beating thug, but he was jolly good at football, so that's okay), has only gone and gotten himself addicted to something much more disreputable. The 26-year-old model-slash-halfwit has announced that he is seeking help for his: " ... addiction to alcohol, drugs and prostitutes."
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Hear Paula Abdul’s Weird Sob-Cry Phone Recording

by Shawn Lindseth

hecklerspray almost got knighted once – honest. The year was 1983 and we'd just saved a royal kitten from the belly of a starving pauper. We were heroes. People threw us parades, we opened three grocery stores and the Queen was thrilled to pieces. Then some social group decided it wasn't ethical to open the [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Hooked On Delicious OxyContin Says Blabbermouth Dad

by Stuart Heritage

The love between a parent and child is unconditional, which is just as well – because if it wasn’t we’d imagine that Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t love her Dad for running around telling everyone who’ll listen that his daughter is hooked on OxyContin.

Just as Lindsay Lohan probably thought that things couldn’t get any worse for her – what with a potentially drug and booze-fuelled car crash and arrest and subsequent trip to rehab coinciding with some of Lindsay Lohan’s friends telling the press about the time that Lindsay kept attempting suicide – her father Michael Lohan has decided to loudly claim that Lindsay Lohan is hooked on OxyContin. OxyContin, for the uninitiated, is a prescription painkiller with side effects loosely related to a heroin rush that, coincidentally, is mostly taken by people with girlfriends who think going to see Lindsay Lohan movies is a good idea.

The love between a parent and child is unconditional, which is just as well - because if it wasn't we'd imagine that Lindsay Lohan wouldn't love her Dad for running around telling everyone who'll listen that his daughter is hooked on OxyContin. Just as Lindsay Lohan probably thought that things couldn't get any worse for her - what with a potentially drug and booze-fuelled car crash and arrest and subsequent trip to rehab coinciding with some of Lindsay Lohan's friends telling the press about the time that Lindsay kept attempting suicide - her father Michael Lohan has decided to loudly claim that Lindsay Lohan is hooked on OxyContin. OxyContin, for the uninitiated, is a prescription painkiller with side effects loosely related to a heroin rush that, coincidentally, is mostly taken by people with girlfriends who think going to see Lindsay Lohan movies is a good idea.
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SLACKERJACK – Sunday Lawn

by Stuart Heritage

At this time of year, the air is full of two things – the distant sound of lawnmowers whirring away, and pollen that makes your eyes swell up like boxing gloves and prevents you from pronouncing the letter ‘V’ properly.

But for those of you who like manual labour but suffer from hayfever, here’s Sunday Lawn, a lawnmowing sim. Actually, that’s a little unfair – a true lawnmowing sim would be the dullest game ever made – since Sunday Lawn has a couple of aces up its sleeve. First are the Sunday Lawn hedgehogs which break your lawnmower if you run into them instead of bursting open in a messy red explosion like we’d have preferred. Also making Sunday Lawn great are the combos you can rack up by trying to mow for the longest distance without covering the same piece of ground twice. Mowing has never been this much fun. Unless you’ve got a sit-on, you posh bastard.

Play Sunday Lawn now

At this time of year, the air is full of two things - the distant sound of lawnmowers whirring away, and pollen that makes your eyes swell up like boxing gloves and prevents you from pronouncing the letter 'V' properly. But for those of you who like manual labour but suffer from hayfever, here's Sunday Lawn, a lawnmowing sim. Actually, that's a little unfair - a true lawnmowing sim would be the dullest game ever made - since Sunday Lawn has a couple of aces up its sleeve. First are the Sunday Lawn hedgehogs which break your lawnmower if you run into them instead of bursting open in a messy red explosion like we'd have preferred. Also making Sunday Lawn great are the combos you can rack up by trying to mow for the longest distance without covering the same piece of ground twice. Mowing has never been this much fun. Unless you've got a sit-on, you posh bastard. Play Sunday Lawn now
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Watch The Horrors She Is The New Thing Video

by Stuart Heritage

In the past, music videos by The Horrors have featured bloodthirsty aliens splattering out of Samantha Morton’s vagina – so obviously any subsequent videos that don’t feature that are bound to be something of a letdown.

We’re sad to inform you, in that case, that the video to The Horrors’ new video She Is The New Thing doesn’t feature any vagina-exploding aliens whatsoever. But, hey, if you like cartoon crows and animation that looks like blood, the She Is The New Thing video by The Horrors is exactly where it’s at. Musically, She Is The New Thing is the sort of Screaming Lord Sutch lunacy we’ve all come to expect from The Horrors, albeit a version of Screaming Lord Sutch who makes videos of a cartoon monster crawling into a man’s mouth and eating his heart from the inside until the man pukes the monster out and dies so that the monster can do a ballerina dance in his guts.

Aside from that, though, exactly the same.

In the past, music videos by The Horrors have featured bloodthirsty aliens splattering out of Samantha Morton's vagina - so obviously any subsequent videos that don't feature that are bound to be something of a letdown. We're sad to inform you, in that case, that the video to The Horrors' new video She Is The New Thing doesn't feature any vagina-exploding aliens whatsoever. But, hey, if you like cartoon crows and animation that looks like blood, the She Is The New Thing video by The Horrors is exactly where it's at. Musically, She Is The New Thing is the sort of Screaming Lord Sutch lunacy we've all come to expect from The Horrors, albeit a version of Screaming Lord Sutch who makes videos of a cartoon monster crawling into a man's mouth and eating his heart from the inside until the man pukes the monster out and dies so that the monster can do a ballerina dance in his guts. Aside from that, though, exactly the same.
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Win A Bunch Of Hot Fuzz Goodies Now

by Stuart Heritage

Hot Fuzz – the kickass Simon Pegg/ Edgar Wright/ Nick Frost buddy cop comedy movie that would have taken America by storm if it weren’t for that film about the kid looking at murderers in his garden – gets its UK DVD release on June 11.

Since Magicians looks like a lot of Sunday teatime Mac advert claptrap, the case for Hot Fuzz being the best British comedy of the year is growing daily – and that makes the Hot Fuzz DVD release date important. So important, in fact, that we’ve been given all sorts of Hot Fuzz merchandise to give away to you in a special little Hot Fuzz DVD competition. What kind of Hot Fuzz merchandise? Only an ultra-rare signed framed Hot Fuzz poster and three natty little Hot Fuzz bags, that’s what.

To be in with a chance of winning these Hot Fuzz goodies, all you need to do is click the link below to watch the Hot Fuzz trailer and then answer the following question:

What Eels track plays towards the end of the Hot Fuzz trailer?

Email your answer – with your full name and an address we can send stuff to – to hecklerspray[AT]gmail.com with the subject line ‘Hot Fuzz Competition’ by midnight on Saturday (UK time) and we’ll choose four winners at random. And even if you don’t win, you can still go out and buy Hot Fuzz on DVD when it comes out on June 11. Because we said so.

Hot Fuzz - the kickass Simon Pegg/ Edgar Wright/ Nick Frost buddy cop comedy movie that would have taken America by storm if it weren't for that film about the kid looking at murderers in his garden - gets its UK DVD release on June 11. Since Magicians looks like a lot of Sunday teatime Mac advert claptrap, the case for Hot Fuzz being the best British comedy of the year is growing daily - and that makes the Hot Fuzz DVD release date important. So important, in fact, that we've been given all sorts of Hot Fuzz merchandise to give away to you in a special little Hot Fuzz DVD competition. What kind of Hot Fuzz merchandise? Only an ultra-rare signed framed Hot Fuzz poster and three natty little Hot Fuzz bags, that's what. To be in with a chance of winning these Hot Fuzz goodies, all you need to do is click the link below to watch the Hot Fuzz trailer and then answer the following question: What Eels track plays towards the end of the Hot Fuzz trailer? Email your answer - with your full name and an address we can send stuff to - to hecklerspray[AT]gmail.com with the subject line 'Hot Fuzz Competition' by midnight on Saturday (UK time) and we'll choose four winners at random. And even if you don't win, you can still go out and buy Hot Fuzz on DVD when it comes out on June 11. Because we said so.
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Disturbing Friday Fun: Sprinkle Brigade

by C J Davies

What are you planning on doing with your Friday night?

Going out with some friends, having a few drinks, chatting to a few ladies and possibly getting lucky? Or maybe going home, sitting on your own, drinking eight cans of Super-Strength Kestrel and weeping into your Pot Noodle about how life has never been the same since Mary-Beth left and took the television with her?

Whatever you choose, we can pretty much guarantee that it won’t be as… ahem… distinctive as what the Sprinkle Brigade will be getting up to – which, by the way, is finding random dog turds in the street and decorating them a bit. Possibly with sprinkles.

You see? Linking to sites in which people take pictures of poos?

This is why we won that award, Herring. This.

Sprinkle Brigade

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