Mark Ronson. We liked him before you did, and now you like him we don't like him as much. And now comes what should be seen as Mark Ronson's lowest point - a cover version of a Kaiser Chiefs song that Lily Allen sings.

Oh My God, Mark Ronson's new single, is a cover of the once-ubiquitous Kaiser Chiefs

The Spice Girls are something of an anachronism - after all, if anyone wants to be entertained by five not especially pretty women clumping around a stage like a gang of age-worn hookers now, they can just go and see The Pussycat Dolls.

But that didn't stop the Spice Girls from confirming the one thing that the whole world already knew yesterday - the Spice Girls have reunited. At the end of the year all five of the Spice Girls - Lardy Spice, Stupidly Fake-Breasted Spice, Annoying Spice, Annoying Spice and Baby Spice - will get together for world tour that will last just over a month, take in 11 cities in eight different countries, see a Christmas-friendly Spice Girls Greatest Hits album released to accompany it and earn the Spice Girls a reported £10 million each. With that sort of money in their pockets, the Spice Girls could then be able to retire forever. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on our part.

The 1980s, eh?

They were a strange old time. So strange, in fact, that we're imagining Stuart Maconie's retrospective face right now, waffling away about how BMX Choppers were "mental" and how the opening sequence to Knightmare "always made me hide behind the sofa! Honest!!! No, really, it did!!! Can I have my money now?"

After the Big Brother week of excitement that saw a man wet himself, a failed sleep deprivation task, a slop-only diet and - oh, let's say it again - a man wetting himself, the climax comes tonight with another Big Brother eviction.

Oh, one more exciting thing happened this week - Jonathan left the Big Brother house. Well, alright Jonathan didn't leave the Big Brother house, but he certainly told Big Brother that he was leaving and then he told all the other housemates that he was leaving... and then he changed his mind and decided to stay in the Big Brother house. It's this sort of mind-blistering excitement that just keeps us coming back to Big Brother again and again. And a professional obligation. But mainly the excitement thing.

Tonight, either Carole, Tracey or Billi will be evicted from the Big Brother house. So, since we looked at Carole and Tracey yesterday, here are the Big Brother betting odds for the eviction of Billi, with help from Paddy Power...

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows comes out in a matter of weeks, which is bad news for people who like to move around without gits who think they can walk and read at the same time clattering into you, but better news for others.

That group of 'others' is mainly made up of people who work at Bloomsbury, the British publishers of the Harry Potter books. Bloomsbury today announced that advance orders for Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows are up by a staggering 17% compared to pre-orders on the previous Harry Potter book, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince. Although Bloomsbury didn't care to place a figure on the amount of advance orders it had received for Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, in real terms it means that you'll be able to annoy 17% more people by running into bookshops and quoting that hacker who claims that Hermione dies at the end of the book.

Oh yeah. Spoiler alert.

Bloody hellfire! It’s a crazy two-for-one special this week on the old trawl through MySpace, where we try to claw away the spam and leave you with stuff that you would be proud to put on your fruit-based mp3 player.

This week we bring you the psychedelic sounds of The Earlies and on the reverse, a faster and angrier listen from Help She Can’t Swim. This is our rubbish apology for not having one done for last week. We’re sure that tens of you spat out your milk and pelted your PC with cookies in utter shock and disgust. We sometimes do that, but only during our special moments. Both this week's bands are ones we’ve accidentally seen live at some point. 

If any of you have ever seen Paula Abdul's bleary-eyed unintelligible meanderings on American Idol and wished you could see a show about nothing but that, your prayers have been answered - Paula Abdul now has her own reality show.

Hey Paula starts tonight on Bravo in the US and will probably make it over here as soon as the channel has cleared space between Porn Week and old episodes of Dog The Bounty Hunter. Anyway, the first episode of Hey Paula deals with Paula Abdul trying to stop her dogs from eating a pile of priceless diamonds or something, and it's hoped that later episodes will focus on Paula Abdul's chronic back pain, Paula Abdul's confusing behaviour in interviews and the time that Paula Abdul kept repeatedly trying to walk through a closed patio door for half an hour before breaking down and wondering why the voices in her head had created a forcefield stopping her from entering her own house.

The Phil Spector murder trial is now focusing on the mental health of Lana Clarkson - probably a good thing, since most healthy-minded women wouldn't have wanted to suck off a kooky old man in a bizarre lesbian wig, as Lana supposedly did.

Again, as on Monday, the Phil Spector murder trial revolved around the testimony of Vincent DiMaio, a forensics expert who Phil Spector is paying $400 an hour. As part of Phil Spector's defence, DiMaio yesterday continued to push the theory that Lana Clarkson killed herself, as opposed to Phil Spector doing it for her. As well as detailing her depression - and her struggles with alcohol and drugs - DiMaio also decided to describe exactly what happens to your tongue when you shoot yourself in the mouth, with the aid of a rubber tongue. Needless to say, it's put us right off the idea of ever shooting ourselves in the mouth. Or sucking off Phil Spector, for that matter.