From the monthly archives:

March 2007

TMNT Tops Weekend Box Office 20 Years Too Late

by Stuart Heritage

As far as we were concerned, nobody would go and watch TMNT – the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie – because only an idiot would watch a film about some computer-generated tortoises that nobody has even thought about for two decades.

But look how wrong we were – TMNT is the number one movie at the US weekend box office. The success of TMNT means we can assume that there are either $25 million’s worth of nostalgia-fuelled morons in America who can’t quite remember that the original series of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was basically a cheap-looking calling card for some toys; or that all the TMNT box office tickets were bought by Vanilla Ice, who figured that if TMNT did enough box office business he could start punting around for the same sort of confusing extended cameo in the TMNT sequel as he had in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze.

As far as we were concerned, nobody would go and watch TMNT - the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie - because only an idiot would watch a film about some computer-generated tortoises that nobody has even thought about for two decades. But look how wrong we were - TMNT is the number one movie at the US weekend box office. The success of TMNT means we can assume that there are either $25 million's worth of nostalgia-fuelled morons in America who can't quite remember that the original series of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was basically a cheap-looking calling card for some toys; or that all the TMNT box office tickets were bought by Vanilla Ice, who figured that if TMNT did enough box office business he could start punting around for the same sort of confusing extended cameo in the TMNT sequel as he had in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze.
3 comments Read more >>>

Elton John Turns 60 & Barks Out Some Birthday Songs

by Stuart Heritage

Yesterday Elton John celebrated his 60th birthday by doing something very special; no, not playing Madison Square Garden for the 60th time – we mean Elton John somehow spent a night on stage without bitching about everything like a crotchety old git.

Elton John’s 60th birthday was marked last night with his 60th performance at Madison Square Garden in New York in front of 20,000 fans and guests like Bill Clinton, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams. Don’t worry if you missed it, though, because Elton John’s 60th birthday concert will be shown on ITV later this week – giving you the viewer the once in a lifetime chance to see Elton John sing a bunch of songs that he’s sung a billion times before while Kate Thornton asks ridiculously asinine questions to the man who was directly involved with two separate peace agreements between Israel and Palestine.

Yesterday Elton John celebrated his 60th birthday by doing something very special; no, not playing Madison Square Garden for the 60th time - we mean Elton John somehow spent a night on stage without bitching about everything like a crotchety old git. Elton John's 60th birthday was marked last night with his 60th performance at Madison Square Garden in New York in front of 20,000 fans and guests like Bill Clinton, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams. Don't worry if you missed it, though, because Elton John's 60th birthday concert will be shown on ITV later this week - giving you the viewer the once in a lifetime chance to see Elton John sing a bunch of songs that he's sung a billion times before while Kate Thornton asks ridiculously asinine questions to the man who was directly involved with two separate peace agreements between Israel and Palestine.
1 comment Read more >>>

SLACKERJACK – Magic Stones

by Stuart Heritage

A few years ago there was a guy on Dragon’s Den who invented a brand new musical instrument. Trouble is, he’d spend so long obsessing over it that he wasn’t able to talk about it basic terms and just confused everyone in the room.

Well, Magic Stones is a bit like that man. We’re pretty sure that Magic Stones is a fantastic game with lots of exciting moments and brain-teasing puzzles but – well – it’s a bit bloody confusing. This is how the Magic Stones creators describe Magic Stones:

Magic Stones is a game based on Celtic mythology, and is a mix between a role-playing game and a collectible card game. It is situated in the land of Aravorn, where you can find many hidden treasures in the darkest, most menacing places, and where druids are challenged to duel to the death every year in the Black Tower! Magic Stones has three playing styles, 20 different avatars (each with unique skills), 17 different spells, and more than 15 different enemy druids.

Now we haven’t got a bloody clue what any of that meant. Perhaps you will. And if you do, there’s every possibility that you won’t spend an hour scratching your hear at Magic Stones like we just have.

Order Magic Stones Now

Download Magic Stones

A few years ago there was a guy on Dragon's Den who invented a brand new musical instrument. Trouble is, he'd spend so long obsessing over it that he wasn't able to talk about it basic terms and just confused everyone in the room. Well, Magic Stones is a bit like that man. We're pretty sure that Magic Stones is a fantastic game with lots of exciting moments and brain-teasing puzzles but - well - it's a bit bloody confusing. This is how the Magic Stones creators describe Magic Stones: Magic Stones is a game based on Celtic mythology, and is a mix between a role-playing game and a collectible card game. It is situated in the land of Aravorn, where you can find many hidden treasures in the darkest, most menacing places, and where druids are challenged to duel to the death every year in the Black Tower! Magic Stones has three playing styles, 20 different avatars (each with unique skills), 17 different spells, and more than 15 different enemy druids. Now we haven't got a bloody clue what any of that meant. Perhaps you will. And if you do, there's every possibility that you won't spend an hour scratching your hear at Magic Stones like we just have. Order Magic Stones Now Download Magic Stones
0 comments Read more >>>

Watch The Starbucking Trailer Now

by Stuart Heritage

What with all this talk about Paul McCartney signing to the new Starbucks record label, it’s easy to forget what Starbucks is all about – in short, selling ridiculously-named caffeine drinks to smug idiots – but Starbucking works as a handy reminder.

Starbucking is a new indie documentary movie coming out in selected American cinemas very soon with a simple premise. Starbucking follows John Winter Smith – a man determined to visit every branch of Starbucks in the world. Considering there are now literally more branches of Starbucks than there are actual human beings on Earth, John Winter Smith seems to have his work cut out. We’ve yet to see the full version of Starbucking, but Starbucking seems to be a movie about globalisation, a movie about one individual’s obsessive compulsive desire to make a mark on the world and – most of all – a movie about a man buzzed off his tits on coffee jittering around going “yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi” while queueing up in a succession of Starbucks branches. See the madness for yourselves.

What with all this talk about Paul McCartney signing to the new Starbucks record label, it's easy to forget what Starbucks is all about - in short, selling ridiculously-named caffeine drinks to smug idiots - but Starbucking works as a handy reminder. Starbucking is a new indie documentary movie coming out in selected American cinemas very soon with a simple premise. Starbucking follows John Winter Smith - a man determined to visit every branch of Starbucks in the world. Considering there are now literally more branches of Starbucks than there are actual human beings on Earth, John Winter Smith seems to have his work cut out. We've yet to see the full version of Starbucking, but Starbucking seems to be a movie about globalisation, a movie about one individual's obsessive compulsive desire to make a mark on the world and - most of all - a movie about a man buzzed off his tits on coffee jittering around going "yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi" while queueing up in a succession of Starbucks branches. See the madness for yourselves.
0 comments Read more >>>

Sloshed Prince Harry ‘Assaults’ Photographer In Stupid Hat

by Stuart Heritage

Prince Harry is in the army now, and must behave as such; basically that involves going into town on a night off, getting blootered on gallons of pikey booze and starting as many fights as humanly possible – and that was Prince Harry’s Saturday.

The Sunday newspapers yesterday were full of pictures of Prince Harry, who decided to mark a gap in his military schedule by going out clubbing in London dressed in a ridiculous scarf and woolly hat combo, drinking until he literally couldn’t stand up any more and getting accused of assault by a photographer who he apparently had a bit of a fight with. By using other celebrities as a yardstick, we’ve deduced that it won’t be long before Prince Harry shaves his head, goes to rehab, calls himself the Antichrist and then accidentally shows his vagina to a group of paparazzi while getting out of a car.

Prince Harry is in the army now, and must behave as such; basically that involves going into town on a night off, getting blootered on gallons of pikey booze and starting as many fights as humanly possible - and that was Prince Harry's Saturday. The Sunday newspapers yesterday were full of pictures of Prince Harry, who decided to mark a gap in his military schedule by going out clubbing in London dressed in a ridiculous scarf and woolly hat combo, drinking until he literally couldn't stand up any more and getting accused of assault by a photographer who he apparently had a bit of a fight with. By using other celebrities as a yardstick, we've deduced that it won't be long before Prince Harry shaves his head, goes to rehab, calls himself the Antichrist and then accidentally shows his vagina to a group of paparazzi while getting out of a car.
1 comment Read more >>>

Film Review: Sunshine

by C J Davies

An American critic once remarked of David Lynch’s Lost Highway: “for the first 15 minutes, it’s the greatest film ever made. Why watch the rest?”

In a sense this could be applied to Sunshine – the new high-concept science fiction movie in which Cillian Murphy’s team of intrepid astronauts set out on a mission to reignite the sun and save our ‘dying planet’. Not that this ranks as one of the greatest cinematic achievements ever – hell, it’s not even director Danny Boyle’s best film – but Sunshine does suffer from one of the most disproportionately bad third acts in recent movie-memory. We’re not going to dish out any spoilers here… but there’s a definite Event Horizon feel to things by the time the credits roll.

1 comment Read more >>>

Angelina Jolie Adoption Betting Odds: Wales Next?

by Stuart Heritage

Over the last couple of weeks, all that we’ve been hearing about has been Angelina Jolie’s latest jaunt around the world to adopt little Pax Thien from Vietnam – and now the question on everyone’s lips is: just where will Angelina Jolie adopt from next?

Nobody knows for sure, but we can have a bloody good guess – that’s why this week is going to be dedicated to Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds. Every day this week we’ll looking at two different countries and wondering aloud if Angelina Jolie has ever fancied adopting a kid from there, giving it a foolish name and raising it as her own. And the best thing is these betting odds are massive, so even a tiny bet could make you a fat stack of cash – and what’s better than winning money from filmstars doing good around the world? Probably loads of stuff, but since we can’t think of any it’ll have to do.

Here’s today’s batch of Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds – for Wales and the UK – with betting odds from Paddy Power…

Over the last couple of weeks, all that we've been hearing about has been Angelina Jolie's latest jaunt around the world to adopt little Pax Thien from Vietnam - and now the question on everyone's lips is: just where will Angelina Jolie adopt from next? Nobody knows for sure, but we can have a bloody good guess - that's why this week is going to be dedicated to Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds. Every day this week we'll looking at two different countries and wondering aloud if Angelina Jolie has ever fancied adopting a kid from there, giving it a foolish name and raising it as her own. And the best thing is these betting odds are massive, so even a tiny bet could make you a fat stack of cash - and what's better than winning money from filmstars doing good around the world? Probably loads of stuff, but since we can't think of any it'll have to do. Here's today's batch of Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds - for Wales and the UK - with betting odds from Paddy Power...
3 comments Read more >>>

hecklerspray seeks redesign, web designer

by admin

Are you a design wizard? Do you know your way around Photoshop and Illustrator? Or maybe you're a CSS ninja? Or somebody with experience of developing themes for WordPress? We're on the lookout for somebody to help us smarten up our gaff. If this sounds like you, then send an email to hecklerspray@gmail.com outlining your skills / ideas / [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

All a bit girly this week.

Folded:

* Ghosts (a jolly, catchy, no-doubt irritating very soon bunch)

* Red Nose Day 2007 (…was not funny. Though it’s still a bloody good cause, and it hurts to be cynical all the time)

* Becoming Jane (don’t worry if you’re dragged to see this, it’s actually very sweet. Wait, where are you going? Come back!)

* Live magazine (the history of the one-button suit, a guide to ordering eggs in an American diner, cars you can’t afford. A good free magazine this, ‘tis a shame it comes with the Mail on Sunday)

* Blu Ray (it is worth the money, unfortunately)

Creased:

* Kate Thornton (Comic Relief can’t save her. You’re goooooooone, lady!)

* Ellen Pompeo (from Grey’s Anatomy. Highly annoying. Think Renne Zellweger x 10, squinting and on skunk)

* Hair on the back of your neck (where did that come from all of a sudden?)

* The Mail on Sunday (don’t buy it. Forget the Live magazine and borrow it off your parents or something)

* DVD (now officially as dead that nice fat collection you’ve built up on your bookcase)

All a bit girly this week. Folded: * Ghosts (a jolly, catchy, no-doubt irritating very soon bunch) * Red Nose Day 2007 (…was not funny. Though it’s still a bloody good cause, and it hurts to be cynical all the time) * Becoming Jane (don’t worry if you’re dragged to see this, it’s actually very sweet. Wait, where are you going? Come back!) * Live magazine (the history of the one-button suit, a guide to ordering eggs in an American diner, cars you can’t afford. A good free magazine this, ‘tis a shame it comes with the Mail on Sunday) * Blu Ray (it is worth the money, unfortunately) Creased: * Kate Thornton (Comic Relief can’t save her. You’re goooooooone, lady!) * Ellen Pompeo (from Grey’s Anatomy. Highly annoying. Think Renne Zellweger x 10, squinting and on skunk) * Hair on the back of your neck (where did that come from all of a sudden?) * The Mail on Sunday (don’t buy it. Forget the Live magazine and borrow it off your parents or something) * DVD (now officially as dead that nice fat collection you’ve built up on your bookcase)
0 comments Read more >>>

Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet Make Another Flick

by Stuart Heritage

Yes yes, we know what you’re thinking – the only way you’d go and see a film starring reunited Titanic leads Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet is if you had the assurance that they both drowned in the iceberg-filled Atlantic at the end of it this time.

Well, there’s no such luck there. True, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are making their first film together since Titanic – the movie that propelled them both to fame – a decade ago, but there’ll be no icebergs, Irish jigs or Billy Zane being comically unable to fire a gun properly at short range this time, because the film that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are reuniting to star in is Revolutionary Road, a depressing-sounding film about postwar disillusionment. But don’t worry that Revolutionary Road will be too different from Titanic, because Kate Winslet will still probably get her boobies out – we hear she won’t make a film unless a nippleflash is inserted somewhere in it.

Yes yes, we know what you're thinking - the only way you'd go and see a film starring reunited Titanic leads Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet is if you had the assurance that they both drowned in the iceberg-filled Atlantic at the end of it this time. Well, there's no such luck there. True, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are making their first film together since Titanic - the movie that propelled them both to fame - a decade ago, but there'll be no icebergs, Irish jigs or Billy Zane being comically unable to fire a gun properly at short range this time, because the film that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are reuniting to star in is Revolutionary Road, a depressing-sounding film about postwar disillusionment. But don't worry that Revolutionary Road will be too different from Titanic, because Kate Winslet will still probably get her boobies out - we hear she won't make a film unless a nippleflash is inserted somewhere in it.
7 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →