But it's too late to talk either of them out of it, because Kirsten Dunst from Spider-Man and Johnny Borrell from Razorlight are a couple. A couple of arseholes, we know, but also a romantic couple. And it's serious, too - although they've only known each other for a couple of weeks, Kirsten Dunst has reportedly moved into Johnny Borrell's London home. Let's all just hunker down and pray, for the sake of humanity, that either Kirsten Dunst or Johnny Borrell is sterile because - by christ - that's going to be a baby with some effed-up teeth.

It's usual that athletes have been trained so hard to follow instructions that none of them actually have a personality to share between them - fancy an evening in shooting the breeze with Tim Henman? Of course not - but Mike Tyson is the exception.

Yes, Mike Tyson, the potential man-whore with a giant cuddly crush

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Is it day three of our Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds already? How time flies - it seems like it was just yesterday that we were joking saying that Angelina Jolie was going to adopt a little Welsh kid. It wasn't. It was the day before yesterday.

But day three of the Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds means we have to get serious. For the uninitiated, this week we're investigating which country Angelina Jolie will go to next to satisfy her weird compulsive urge to adopt every child that's ever been born. Why? So you can bet on it and get rich, perhaps using the winnings to build an airtight vault so you can lock your children away safe from Angelina Jolie's adopty hands. If you do choose to do that, remember - no airholes. Angelina Jolie is trained to detect carbon dioxide emitting from scared children.

So here are today's Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds - for Nigeria and Mexico - with help from Paddy Power...

Busta Rhymes is famous for his rapid-fire flow, but there's a chance that the only time Busta Rhymes will get to use this skill over the next two years is when he needs to swiftly convince his burly cellmate not to anally brutalise him in his sleep.

Because Busta Rhymes' extraordinary run of allegedly being quite a violent dick to people seems to have caught up with him. Although the two assault charges against Busta Rhymes looked set to come to nothing when a judge offered him a plea bargain last month, the way that Busta Rhymes almost immediately ran a red light on a suspended license means that the plea deal is now off, and Busta Rhymes now faces two years in jail when he stands trial in May. And if that happens, Busta Rhymes will only be singing one tune until 2009 - Put Your Hands Why My Eyes Can See (Because I Don't Want You Hitting Me On The Head With Some Rubble In A Sock).

It's a fact that the only films being made in Hollywood at the moment are all either going to star Leonardo DiCaprio, be directed by Martin Scorsese or star Leonardo DiCaprio and be directed by Martin Scorsese, just like The Wolf Of Wall Street.

The Wolf Of Wall Street is a new movie based on an unpublished book about a wolf in Wall Street who goes to prison for carrying a dead sheep into the New York Stock Exchange in his teeth. That's what we presume, anyway - the book hasn't been published yet. Anyway, The Wolf Of Wall Street is probably going to be directed by Martin Scorsese and star Leonardo DiCaprio. While it would be foolhardy to try and second-guess what Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio will bring to The Wolf Of Wall Street, on previous Scorsese/DiCaprio experience we think that it'll feature either dirty police work, a rich man flying a plane or Cameron Diaz being unconvincing to a man in top hat with a funny moustache.

As well as marrying, divorcing and remarrying his ex-wife Kim every other day like some kind of OCD wedding cake freak, Eminem mainly fills his spare time with writing and performing songs about how much he likes murdering his ex-wife Kim.

Or at least that's what Eminem used to do - yesterday morning Eminem and Kim Mathers went to court to enter into a parental cooperation pact, effectively prohibiting both of them from trash-talking one another in public for the benefit of Hailie Jade, their 11-year-old daughter. As far as we can see, this parental cooperation pact means that Eminem can no longer perform songs about throwing Kim into the boot of his car and then stabbing her to death while screaming "BLEED, BITCH, BLEED!" before dumping her body in a lake, while Kim Mathers will no longer be able to quietly mutter about the way that Eminem used to cut his toenails in bed - so it all pretty much evens out.

Ah, Hollywood. My how you’ve changed…  

Gone are the days of The Cosby Show, when Bill and Claire Huxtable taught their children of oddly various hues a valuable lesson in a 30-minute show whilst we reluctantly endured your attempts to increase our appreciation of jazz or education. Also gone are the days where rock stars kept their domestic squabbles swept under the rug where they belong, until the day when one of their messed-up kids writes a defacing tell-all book or made-for-TV movie to pay the bills until the next instalment of Celebrity Fit Club comes a-knocking at their door.  

In these modern times of Hollywood, you can’t go a day without hearing about some celebrity trying to beat the living snot out of their spouse, or vice versa. Well, boys and girls, today’s tale of dysfunction, includes blood, violence, and fire - thanks to Velvet Revolver nee Stone Temple Pilots lead singer Scott Weiland and his blushing bride. Seriously, people. Keep the arson and such under wraps, because you’re taking up valuable press space that could be devoted to finding the autopsy results of Anna Nicole Smith’s colon.