From the monthly archives:

March 2007

Visa Woes: Snoop Dogg Talks To England’s Hand

by Shawn Lindseth

Well it just goes to show – you can have it all but it won't get you into England. Especially if you're a very tall somewhat gangly rapper who named yourself after Charlie Brown's puppy. Snoop Dogg, the world's favourite rapper that's shaped a little like the curvy neck of a camel, has fallen on [...]

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Annoying Free Hugs Man Wins A YouTube Award

by Stuart Heritage

We all know what the best YouTube videos are – they’re either videos of a) angry German children, b) idiots ghostriding the whip or c) clips of The Colbert Report before Comedy Central removes them – notice an absence of hugging in that list?

Hugging is apparently big on the internet. So big, in fact, that when YouTube decided to run an inaugural awards ceremony to find the best videos submitted to it, the winner of the YouTube award for ‘inspiration’ turned out to be Free Hugs, a video of a slightly creepy Australian man hugging a selection of strangers while a piece of music that sounds as if it was specifically designed to soundtrack an emotional episode of Dawson’s Creek plays in the background. But perhaps Free Hugs does deserve to win a YouTube award for inspiration, because it has single-handedly inspired us to exclusively use Metacafe from now on.

We all know what the best YouTube videos are - they're either videos of a) angry German children, b) idiots ghostriding the whip or c) clips of The Colbert Report before Comedy Central removes them - notice an absence of hugging in that list? Hugging is apparently big on the internet. So big, in fact, that when YouTube decided to run an inaugural awards ceremony to find the best videos submitted to it, the winner of the YouTube award for 'inspiration' turned out to be Free Hugs, a video of a slightly creepy Australian man hugging a selection of strangers while a piece of music that sounds as if it was specifically designed to soundtrack an emotional episode of Dawson's Creek plays in the background. But perhaps Free Hugs does deserve to win a YouTube award for inspiration, because it has single-handedly inspired us to exclusively use Metacafe from now on.
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SLACKERJACK – Everybody Panic

by Stuart Heritage

You know those games you play at funfairs where you have to guide a metal loop around a wire course without touching it? Well Everybody Panic is just like that, only without the nagging suspicion that you keep losing because the gypsy running the game has his foot on a pedal somewhere.

In Everybody Panic, you play a little red line, and it’s your job to guide it around a constantly-shifting maze without touching the sides, because you die if that happens. That’s hard enough for nerve-shredded recovering alcoholics like you anyway, but add giant red meandering balls and bits of maze that twist and spin and randomly hurtle about and Everybody Panic becomes a lot like a nightmare – it’s red, pulsating, you can never reach the end and you finish up sweating and covered in frothy spittle.

Play Everybody Panic now

You know those games you play at funfairs where you have to guide a metal loop around a wire course without touching it? Well Everybody Panic is just like that, only without the nagging suspicion that you keep losing because the gypsy running the game has his foot on a pedal somewhere. In Everybody Panic, you play a little red line, and it's your job to guide it around a constantly-shifting maze without touching the sides, because you die if that happens. That's hard enough for nerve-shredded recovering alcoholics like you anyway, but add giant red meandering balls and bits of maze that twist and spin and randomly hurtle about and Everybody Panic becomes a lot like a nightmare - it's red, pulsating, you can never reach the end and you finish up sweating and covered in frothy spittle. Play Everybody Panic now
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Watch The Shakes I Want A Better Life Video Now

by Stuart Heritage

There’s not a lot that we want in a music video – sexy girls dancing, dazzling choreography, expensive locations, that sort of thing. Failing that, though, we’d be just as happy to watch members of a band punching each other on the arm as hard as they can.

And that’s pretty much what I Want A Better Life by The Shakes is. I Want A Better Life is The Shakes’ rumination of megalomania and materialism – and it’s catchy enough – but the I Want A Better Life is the real reason why we’re telling you about this. It’s just members of The Shakes standing around dealing cards and punching each other on the arm. For real. Jackass-style. We’re putting this online because we want other bands to see The Shakes I Want A Better Life video and follow suit. OK, we’ll come clean – we basically want to see The Feeling run vans over their arms in their next video, and if the video for I Want A Better Life by The Shakes will help us get there, then it’s all we can do to sling it up here.

There's not a lot that we want in a music video - sexy girls dancing, dazzling choreography, expensive locations, that sort of thing. Failing that, though, we'd be just as happy to watch members of a band punching each other on the arm as hard as they can. And that's pretty much what I Want A Better Life by The Shakes is. I Want A Better Life is The Shakes' rumination of megalomania and materialism - and it's catchy enough - but the I Want A Better Life is the real reason why we're telling you about this. It's just members of The Shakes standing around dealing cards and punching each other on the arm. For real. Jackass-style. We're putting this online because we want other bands to see The Shakes I Want A Better Life video and follow suit. OK, we'll come clean - we basically want to see The Feeling run vans over their arms in their next video, and if the video for I Want A Better Life by The Shakes will help us get there, then it's all we can do to sling it up here.
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Charlotte Church Takes On Scooch For Some Reason

by Stuart Heritage

It’s often easy to take a side in other people’s arguments, but that’s because the other people arguing don’t tend to be Charlotte Church and Scooch – frankly a fight between Charlotte Church and Scooch is a fight with no winners, including you.

For some ungodly reason that we really aren’t too aware of, Charlotte Church has ‘sensationally’ hit out at UK Eurovision 2007 representatives Scooch, and Scooch have ‘sensationally’ hit back at Charlotte Church. Chances are that you, like us, are guessing that this Charlotte Church/ Scooch brawl basically consists of each party furiously claiming that they’re crappier and generally more annoying than anyone else, but you’re wrong – the real beef between Charlotte Church and Scooch is, well, crappier and generally more annoying.

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Angelina Jolie Adoption Betting Odds: USA & Iraq

by Stuart Heritage

Good old Angelina Jolie – most people wouldn’t have time for anything else between making films that aren’t as good as you’d imagine them to be and letting Brad Pitt stroke their arm sometimes, but Angelina Jolie manages to make room for adopting.

So far Angelina Jolie has adopted a boy from Cambodia, a girl from Ethiopia, a boy from Vietnam and a girl that she technically gave birth to but then legally divorced and adopted. But is adopting four children enough for Angelina Jolie? Never. It won’t be long before Angelina Jolie is adopting again, and we want to make sure you earn some money out of it with our Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds.

So following yesterday’s Angelina Jolie betting odds for Wales and the UK, here are today’s Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds – for the USA and Iraq – with help from Paddy Power…

Good old Angelina Jolie - most people wouldn't have time for anything else between making films that aren't as good as you'd imagine them to be and letting Brad Pitt stroke their arm sometimes, but Angelina Jolie manages to make room for adopting. So far Angelina Jolie has adopted a boy from Cambodia, a girl from Ethiopia, a boy from Vietnam and a girl that she technically gave birth to but then legally divorced and adopted. But is adopting four children enough for Angelina Jolie? Never. It won't be long before Angelina Jolie is adopting again, and we want to make sure you earn some money out of it with our Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds. So following yesterday's Angelina Jolie betting odds for Wales and the UK, here are today's Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds - for the USA and Iraq - with help from Paddy Power...
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Now Britney Spears’ Teeth Go Crazy

by Stuart Heritage

Britney Spears has been out of rehab for a little while now, and she’s slowly starting to readjust to a normal routine at a normal rhythm, doing normal things like smashing up her teeth and creating normal amounts of frantic paparazzi activity for it.

The paparazzi are now coiled so tightly on the off-chance that Britney Spears is going to do something very stupid to herself now she’s no longer in rehab that even something as innocuous and Britney Spears breaking a tooth and going to the dentist was warped out of all recognition by the excitable flurry of paparazzi noise. Britney Spears is in ER, the rumours went, or Britney Spears has taken an overdose. In actual fact Britney Spears had just hurt herself in her mouth a bit. But that’s still more or less interesting enough to warrant us telling you about it, right? Hello?

Britney Spears has been out of rehab for a little while now, and she's slowly starting to readjust to a normal routine at a normal rhythm, doing normal things like smashing up her teeth and creating normal amounts of frantic paparazzi activity for it. The paparazzi are now coiled so tightly on the off-chance that Britney Spears is going to do something very stupid to herself now she's no longer in rehab that even something as innocuous and Britney Spears breaking a tooth and going to the dentist was warped out of all recognition by the excitable flurry of paparazzi noise. Britney Spears is in ER, the rumours went, or Britney Spears has taken an overdose. In actual fact Britney Spears had just hurt herself in her mouth a bit. But that's still more or less interesting enough to warrant us telling you about it, right? Hello?
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Anna Nicole Smith Drug Death: Not As Murdery As Suspected

by Stuart Heritage

It’s been a long time coming, but the cause of Anna Nicole Smith’s premature death in February has finally been revealed – far from the Howard K Stern-assisted death that many suspected, an accidental drug overdose seems to have done her in.

At a news conference today, Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger confirmed that there was no foul play involved in the death of Anna Nicole Smith, and also made it clear that Howard K Stern will not face any kind of prosecution. Following this announcement Dr Joshua Perper, the Medical Examiner for Broward County, went into more details about what kind of accidental drug overdose Anna Nicole Smith by basically listing different types of prescription drugs for about twenty minutes.

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Awesome Or Off-Putting: Bill Sneed’s Hidden Treasure

by Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts or just the plain unexplainable. This week: Ancient Artifacts/Myths The world is replete with legends of lost treasure. It really is an impressive list too – you [...]

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Denise Richards Sued For Mental Laptop Chucking Incident

by Stuart Heritage

Denise Richards learnt an important lesson this weekend – you can’t go around angrily hitting wheelchair-bound old ladies with a photographer’s laptop without fear of reprisal, because chances are you’ll end up getting sued along with your big-boobed pal.

Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson are both being sued by a couple of photographers after an incident last year where Denise Richards desperately tried to draw everyone’s attention away from the useless-looking movie she was starring in by loudly swearing at a couple of photographers before throwing their laptop off a balcony, injuring a 91-year-old woman in a wheelchair in the process. That’s why Denise Richards is being sued, anyway – we’re not sure why Pamela Anderson has also been roped into the lawsuit. Probably something to do with hepatitis.

Denise Richards learnt an important lesson this weekend - you can't go around angrily hitting wheelchair-bound old ladies with a photographer's laptop without fear of reprisal, because chances are you'll end up getting sued along with your big-boobed pal. Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson are both being sued by a couple of photographers after an incident last year where Denise Richards desperately tried to draw everyone's attention away from the useless-looking movie she was starring in by loudly swearing at a couple of photographers before throwing their laptop off a balcony, injuring a 91-year-old woman in a wheelchair in the process. That's why Denise Richards is being sued, anyway - we're not sure why Pamela Anderson has also been roped into the lawsuit. Probably something to do with hepatitis.
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