Robbie Williams just isn't as famous as he was - now Take That have reunited Robbie isn't the most famous one from Take That, and thanks to a bald nutter who thinks she's the devil, Robbie Williams isn't the most famous rehab patient either.

Not that Robbie Williams could feasibly be the most famous person in rehab anyway, because Robbie Williams isn't even in rehab any more - he's back at home being looked after by his Mum. According to reports, Robbie Williams left the Cottonwood de Tucson rehab centre in Arizona - where he was being treated for addiction to smoking fags, drinking Red Bull and eating prescription medicine like they were Tic Tacs - a week early. What Robbie Williams' next move will be is anyone's guess, although on past experience we'd imagine it'll include cheeky grins, a self-deprecating tattoo and an album called Boo Hoo Hoo I'm The Saddest Millionaire Superstar That Ever Lived.

Jennifer Hudson must be on top of the world; two years after being booted off American Idol, Jennifer Hudson is now an Oscar-winning actress and the only non-crappy thing about Dreamgirls - and now Chicago has declared a Jennifer Hudson Day.

To mark Jennifer Hudson's spectacular achievements in the fields of not being as skinny in Beyonce and shouting one song in a film that some people got vaguely over-excited about, the mayor of her hometown Chicago Richard Daley proclaimed yesterday to be a citywide Jennifer Hudson Day. All across Chicago for the duration of yesterday, Jennifer Hudson Day was celebrated by families up and down the city joining hands and singing "Oh, hey, you're gonna love me/ Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, love me/ Ooh, ooh, ooh, love me/ Love me, Love me/ Love me/ Love me/ You're gonna love me" to each other for 24 solid hours. Failure to comply with Jennifer Hudson Day celebrations was punishable by death.

When hecklerspray isn't breaking cutting edge entertainment news, we like to bash things in the head with phones. Yup, we like to bash kids in the head with phones, we like to bash dogs in the head with phones, and we like to bash dandelions in the head with phones right after we see them at eye level because kids and dogs have bitten us to the ground.

It wasn't so long ago we had the best date with Naomi Campbell. We went all over the place bashing stuff in the head with phones. She used a 2006 Motorola cell phone with an upper-cut punching motion, we used a 1927 rotary in a sweeping side-swing - what a wonderful time we had! We even started falling in love until our sweet 'Omi bashed one head too many. We got the hell out of there. Naomi though, she stuck around long enough to get judicially sentenced for it. Boy George Style.

Holy crap that could have been us. We don't know her. We weren't there.

When a man's wife leaves him to go bananas, shave her hair off and run around a treatment facility with numbers written all over her head yelling that she's the devil, he'd be right to feel smug - but Kevin Federline isn't smug about Britney Spears.

In fact, Kevin Federline seems to be taking his new role as the sensible one out of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears incredibly seriously. Now that it has emerged that Kevin's support of rehab-bound Britney Spears has sparked a possible romantic rekindling between the couple, Kevin Federline has been seen out and about with his head shaved in an attempt to comfort bald Britney Spears. Whether or not Kevin Federline's new-found solidarity for Britney Spears will extend to smashing a car to pieces with an umbrella, scrawling the number '666' across his head and shrieking about how he's the Antichrist to various passers-by like a lunatic remains to be seen, but we kind of hope it does.

Eye strain is not a joke, and it can be gained in many ways - be it sitting too close to the TV or spending your whole life staring a computer screen trying to think up new ways to be mean about Paris Hilton. But the nicest way of getting eye strain we've discovered so far is by playing

Newton's Third Law says that every action has an equal and opposite reaction; so when Take That reunited to become the UK's favourite middle-aged boyband, it was inevitable that another reunited group would fail miserably - that'd be All Saints.

It has been announced that grouchy combat-wearing 1990s girlgroup All Saints have been dropped by record label Parlophone after their last single Chick Fit didn't even make the top 200. Social commentators are expressing their dismal at the outright failure of All Saints' comeback, noting that they didn't even get to make a bastard awful naked crime thriller directed by Dave Stewart that nobody wants to see this time around.

Dragging in a guest editor can really liven things up sometimes.

Why, only the other week we decided to open up the hecklerspray office doors and give 'hilarious' comedian Russell Brand the chance to run things. We had to stop after a couple of hours, though .. roundabout the point when we noticed that a) he spent too much time staring at his reflection in the computer monitor, teasing his hair into a pseudo-ironic sculpture and b) the only stuff he was writing was the word 'ballbag' over and over, laughing to himself as though he thought this was the epitome of postmodern wit.

So we shot him.

We can only hope that Vanity Fair's upcoming experiment works out a little better. Why, you frenziedly scream? Because they've only gone and dragged in Irish rockstar Bono to take on editor-duties, that's why.

Now that Comic Relief is zooming its way towards you at an incredible rate, it can only mean one thing - Celebrity Fame Academy is back for a week-and-a-bit run, giving you the chance to help charity by declaring your dislike for her out of Birds Of A Feather.

For the uninitiated, here's what Celebrity Fame Academy is - it's X Factor. But they can't call it X Factor, so they call it Celebrity Fame Academy. In Celebrity Fame Academy some famous people sing, you vote for them and money gets raised to help all kinds of worthy charities. And, just to get you hardened to all the harrowing, uncomfortable images of disability and starvation that Comic Relief is so fond of, Patrick Kielty is allowed to present it. And we're doing betting odds on Celebrity Fame Academy. And it starts now.

Here's part one of this week's Celebrity Fame Academy betting odds - for Angellica Bell, Ray Stubbs, Miranda Hart and Fred McAulay - with betting odds from Paddy Power...