Courtney Love To Replace Paula As American Idol’s Batty Old Twit?
Paula Abdul gets a lot of criticism for her American Idol judging style - primarily because it consists of her staring into space, absent-mindedly drooling and trying to babble the same confusing half-sentence eight times in a row before giving up and crying.
And, if reports are to be believed, this could be Paula Abdul's final American Idol. It has been suggested that the American Idol team is looking out for a new full-time female judge who'd be able to hold herself together and give a range of well-meaning constructive advice. Thing is, though, the same reports say that Paula Abdul's American Idol replacement will be Courtney Love - a woman who we imagine has spent the last year or so crawling around the floor inflating her face to ghastly proportions with a bicycle pump and muttering swearwords to herself with her vagina hanging out. Fair's fair, though - that'd be a pretty solid swap for Paula Abdul.
Thanks to having a loud idiot who can't talk properly name her after a crispy bean-flour bread during Celebrity Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty is now the world's most famous woman for people who watched a lot of Celebrity Big Brother and nothing else.
Kevin Federline has always done his best to stand up for the little guy, whether it's the little guy who ignores his wife to go partying or the little guy who tries to make a hip-hop CD even though he's got less talent than an envelope of hair clippings.
To the British, Wallace And Gromit are national treasures right up there with June Sarpong and Pat Butcher - but, as Dreamworks Animation recently found out, the rest of the world couldn't give a stuff about Aardman's slaphead cheese-lover or his dog.
You know, there are certain types of people who just want to sit alone eating hamburgers and watching VH1 on the big faded red recliner chair in the far corner of our mother's Milhurst Avenue basement. People like that are generally super awesome.
Whether she was singing What About Us, being the least-unfunny member of the Moesha cast or trying to make sense of a man called Flippy The Magnificent doing an almost-nude dance routine with a blow-up doll, Brandy always seemed sort of carefree.
Handy Men are the bane of our pissing life - £30 to change one tiny bit of broken plastic on a shower? How dare you! - but on the plus side no handy man of ours has ever sat outside our house behind a car blasting us with machine gun fire every time we walk past a window. Not that we know of, anyway.
We'll admit that The Enemy didn't convince us when we first heard them - their bad haircuts, prematurely old faces and obvious worship for the boring end of the Britpop spectrum did nothing for us. So get ready for something rare - a hecklerspray change of opinion.
It's got to have been tough for the other members of The Police.
We don't know about you, but we're in a sort of post-Celebrity Big Brother betting lull. We want to bet on stuff, but what? Dancing On Ice? That's OK in small doses, but if you read about that every day you'd be down the noose shop faster than you can say "I still have so much to live for."
There's literally no end to the amount of talents that lurk within David Beckham - they include kicking Argentinians, advertising Pepsi, marrying idiots, possibly sleeping around, giving children crap names and scoring one good goal ever, but that's not all.
We all know the 12 steps addicts complete to achieve successful rehabilitation, but what is not widely know is the special (and obviously made up by us) 15 step program reserved for celebrities.
