From the monthly archives:

December 2006

McCartney To Fill Mills’ Hollow Leg With $235 Million. Figuratively.

by Shawn Lindseth

hecklerspray's first three divorces were honestly very enjoyable experiences. They were fun, they were lively, our encroaching ex-wives were all nice and flirty in court, and the judge took our sensitive ear condition into account every time he'd bang the gavel. Seriously, it was great. Our 4th and 5th divorces weren't so fun. We left [...]

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Prince To Paint Superbowl Purple

by Shawn Lindseth

The Superbowl is a place where people like to go to see large muscly men running around in spandex and punching each other with shoulders, knees, and elbows. It could be considered one of the last sanctuaries of true American manhood, and will likely be cherished as such for generations to come. And what better [...]

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Mariah Carey The Singer, Not The XXX Star

by Shawn Lindseth

Mariah Carey's career has been all over the place. First she was riding high, then everyone realized her music was wanting for any general quality, and then everyone forgot they didn't like her and liked her again. Her career hasn't just been singing either, she's also an actress. She was in that over-the-top flop Glitter, [...]

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The Skinny On Skinny Nicole Richie’s Big Bust

by Shawn Lindseth

Vicodin and marijuana cocktails are so very popular. And driving places, well that's almost equally popular. It's no surprise the two seem thrown together so often. And when you're lucky enough to have Vicodin, marijuana, driving, and a celebrity cruising against the stream on a one way freeway…news worthiness ensues! That's what just happened to [...]

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SLACKERJACK – Paint Ball

by Stuart Heritage

It’s all the go at the moment for online games to ditch running and jumping and collecting stars for drawing lines all over the screen and seeing what the hell happens. And guess what? That’s what Paint Ball is too.

Just like Draw Line and Scribble before it, Paint Ball is all about directing the action with scrawled lines drawn from your mouse. However, instead of making a mummy rush to an exit or a bunch of lemmings trudge over some spikes, Paint Ball is all about the thrilling task of getting a ball into a square. But before you say “A ball into a square you say? That’s a bit too fucking exciting for me!” listen to the details, would you? The physics of the ball as it bounces along your drawn lines pushes Paint Ball into the ‘tricky’ category, and that’s only exacerbated by some of the ridiculous level designs, which will test even the most ardent line-drawing ball-roller. Oh, and in case you’re playing Paint Ball in a place where other people are likely to look, a word of caution: level three of Paint Ball looks alarmingly like a penis.

Play Paint Ball now

It's all the go at the moment for online games to ditch running and jumping and collecting stars for drawing lines all over the screen and seeing what the hell happens. And guess what? That's what Paint Ball is too. Just like Draw Line and Scribble before it, Paint Ball is all about directing the action with scrawled lines drawn from your mouse. However, instead of making a mummy rush to an exit or a bunch of lemmings trudge over some spikes, Paint Ball is all about the thrilling task of getting a ball into a square. But before you say "A ball into a square you say? That's a bit too fucking exciting for me!" listen to the details, would you? The physics of the ball as it bounces along your drawn lines pushes Paint Ball into the 'tricky' category, and that's only exacerbated by some of the ridiculous level designs, which will test even the most ardent line-drawing ball-roller. Oh, and in case you're playing Paint Ball in a place where other people are likely to look, a word of caution: level three of Paint Ball looks alarmingly like a penis. Play Paint Ball now
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Celebrity Haiku Competition: Heather Mills

by C J Davies

You know what poetry is? Rubbish, that's what. There is, however, one glimmering exception to this rule: hecklerspray's weekly (more or less) Celebrity Haiku Competition – quite literally the only place in the world where you can assess a topical entertainment-based story and vent your literary spleen in a crazy ancient Japanese manner. This week [...]

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X Factor Betting Odds – Leona Lewis To Win On Saturday?

by Stuart Heritage

The X Factor semi-final is a serious event – so serious, in fact, that it can’t be tainted by having a ropey old theme sellotaped to it like in previous weeks; well, either that or the X Factor people realised that a Gloria Estefan theme would be patently crap.

No, instead – for the first time – X Factor didn’t have a theme. And you know what? It felt weird. So instead of putting up with it, we zapped up a bunch of special homemade X Factor themes to stop us getting confused. At various points on Saturday, we decided that we were watching the X Factor What The Fuck Does Kate Thornton Think She’s Wearing? theme night, the X Factor See Who Can Do The Most Stupidly Large Keychange theme night and the X Factor Wait A Minute, Aren’t They Just Singing Songs From The 2005 X Factor Final? theme night. And lo, we were happy.

But who’s going to win X Factor? Well, Leona will, obviously. But let’s pretend we don’t know that and look at the X Factor betting odds for Leona Lewis…

The X Factor semi-final is a serious event - so serious, in fact, that it can't be tainted by having a ropey old theme sellotaped to it like in previous weeks; well, either that or the X Factor people realised that a Gloria Estefan theme would be patently crap. No, instead - for the first time - X Factor didn't have a theme. And you know what? It felt weird. So instead of putting up with it, we zapped up a bunch of special homemade X Factor themes to stop us getting confused. At various points on Saturday, we decided that we were watching the X Factor What The Fuck Does Kate Thornton Think She's Wearing? theme night, the X Factor See Who Can Do The Most Stupidly Large Keychange theme night and the X Factor Wait A Minute, Aren't They Just Singing Songs From The 2005 X Factor Final? theme night. And lo, we were happy. But who's going to win X Factor? Well, Leona will, obviously. But let's pretend we don't know that and look at the X Factor betting odds for Leona Lewis...
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Nicolas Cage Kinda Bags Acting

by Shawn Lindseth

For the past hundred years or so, Nicolas Cage has been an actor – and a fine actor at that. His movie topics have ranged from something about Las Vegas to, uh…to something else about Las Vegas. It seems though, that the man is getting bored with all those gigantic pay checks and top credit [...]

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Awesome Or Off-Putting: Apricot Pits Fight Cancer?

by Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts or just the plain unexplainable. This week: Medical Marvels Usually in Awesome or Off-Putting, we're throwing crazy stories about aliens, monsters or pig-manure floods at you. Not today. Today [...]

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Tori Spelling Sells Her Crap

by Shawn Lindseth

Have you ever wanted to own a celebrity's old bathing suit? What about their 12 year old toaster – would you want that? Any desire at all for their childhood banana-seat bike? Of course, all those questions can be answered with a resounding 'You betcha!' What may surprise you is that the world recently had [...]

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