Article Archive for December 2006
Now let's get one thing straight - hecklerspray is a man! And we mean a real man too. We take our orange juice with little particles of sand in it, we eat our candy when it's still in the wrapper, and sometimes we make sandwiches with only mayonnaise and bread.
That said, our manliness makes it pretty hard to describe ourselves as 'giddy,' when referring to the contents of a news story, but giddy is exactly what we are. Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump just got into a glorious and insult laden correspondence via various media outlets. And the things that were said, well, let's just say they're jaw-droppers.
It's particularly heart-warming in this, the season of giving.
Let's get one thing straight - movie stars are idiots. All of them. Apart from memorising two or three lines of text at a time and then repeating them back with their faces mashed into what they hope is a vague approximation of emotion, what do movie stars actually do?
Nothing. Because they're idiots. But you read hecklerspray, so that automatically
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Diddy is a lucky man. Not only has Diddy harnessed the power of half-heartedly mumbling over old Sting records to make more money than you can imagine, but his girlfriend has just given birth to twins, effectively increasing his fanbase by 400%.
Needless to say it's no surprise that Diddy is suddenly the father of twins, because ever since he discovered that the internet gave him the perfect way to blather on endlessly about how brilliant he is that's all he's ever talked about. Touchingly, Diddy has chosen to name his new twin girls after both his grandmother and the grandmother of his girlfriend, who he says had a giant impact on their lives. Trouble is, their grandmothers respectively appear to be a wild west outlaw cowboy and a giant rubberised Japanese lizard that's hell-bent on destruction.
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Get used to saying that - Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is the official title for the final Harry Potter book, so it's inevitable that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will outsell The Bible at some point.
JK Rowling and the Harry Potter publishers yesterday announced the title of the final Harry Potter book yesterday via an annoyingly complicated online game of hangman - Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Now, that's all we know about the final Harry Potter book - there isn't even a release date yet - and it's leading to all sorts of speculation from the children and adults who can't read proper books yet that make up the Harry Potter fan army. Deathly Hallows? Sounds a bit gloomy - perhaps Harry Potter really will die at the end of the book like everyone says. And just what the hell is a 'deathly hallows' anyway? However, hecklerspray can exclusively reveal that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is a hoax name to give the impression that Harry Potter will come to a nasty end - the real title of the book is Harry Potter And The Lovely Rainbow-Coloured Munchkin Rabbits Of Bibbledy Bobbledy Lane.
Easily the funnest thing about Craig David is that he eats chicken at Christmas instead of turkey, which is guaranteed to prompt a "What? Chicken? You crazy R&B singer" response from any TV interviewer come Christmas time.
Pop music has produced some tripe over the years. Some of our most loathed acts include The Venga Boys, Westlife, McFly, Busted, Five, Take That, Steps and anything from shows like X Factor, Fame Academy, Pop Off, Manufactured Toss Idol, We’ll Only Be Famous For A Minute Academy and so on.
But of course there’s always one act that rises above the rest to claim the title of planet Earth's most annoying band/ act/ thing. It's everyone’s unfavourite pop duo The Cheeky Girls. After pissing off most of the country with some obnoxious song about not being shy and touching their arse, The Cheeky Girls thankfully faded back in to obscurity, despite desperately trying to claw back some fame by making a few appearances on rubbish TV shows. Sadly The Cheeky Girls are back in the limelight, and in the middle of a hot political scandal. Did we say 'hot political scandal'? We meant 'the greatest love story of our generation'.
Looking forward to the festive season? Course you are.
Eh? What's that? You're a bit worried that - what with all the parties being thrown around the nation this time of year - your get-together might be a little disappointing?
Well, fear not. In a quite frankly astonishing display of generosity, the good folks here at hecklerspray have compiled - especially for you - the definitive ten-point plan to staging the perfect Christmas party. Simply follow these tips and everything will work out fine. You hear us? Fine.
'Tis the season to be jolly. Unless, of course, you're sat on your own in your dingy flat this Xmas watching Ant And Dec's Festive Deadbrain Plebathon on ITV 7.
If you are doing that, we imagine that the look of unbridled horror on your face would closely resemble the poor young mites in this seasonal web gallery. Scared Of Santa is a collection
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