It's the last day of the week that Christmas was in, and that means it's time for the last of our Spray Picks 06 – where the hecklerspray writers look back on the year and go "Cuh, what was supposed to have happened there?"
Today is a doubly difficult day for us. Firstly we have to try and pretend like this wasn't written back in April to disguise the fact that actually we're all off riding the hecklerspray yacht to our private 90,000 acre lapdancer plantation in the Maldives, and secondly we've already listed our favourite music, films and TV of the year. What's left? Best DVD? We did that last year and it was rubbish. Best meal? That's just ridiculous. Best person? OK, looking back we probably should have gone with Best Person, but it's too late for excuses now. Instead, we're looking at the hecklerspray writers' favourite things of the year. Unforgivably vague, we know, but it's thrown up some fairly mental answers.hecklerspray's things of the year – cominatcha after the jump…
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It’s day three of Spray Picks 06 – where we half-heartedly make up for not giving you any real news by lazily cobbling together a retrospective on the year gone by in the vague hope that you won’t really notice. Yay!
Today, to make up for the fact that we’re all off riding diamond-studded jetskis across a man-made lake of melted rubies, all the hecklerspray writers have put their heads together and had a long think about the TV shows that we all liked the best from 2006. Now, there’s every chance that this is the nine billionth ‘Best Of’ list you’ve read this week alone, but this is one you should really pay attention to. Why? Because when it comes to bumming around watching hour upon hour of bad television simply because the remote control is slightly out of reach and it’s too much effort to get up, hecklerspray is world class.
Find out the TV shows that rocked our world after the jump…
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If you're reading this on December 27, it's probably because you've already steamed through all the presents you were given for Christmas, eaten all the sweets you were given for Christmas and realised that you hate all your family.
And who's to blame you for coming to hecklerspray for comfort? We're always here for you no matter what, with the fat milky teat of celebrity news for you to suckle upon. Except for right now. We're taking this week off – and today we're go-karting in Dubai with Uri Gellar – and to make up for our absence we're giving you Spray Picks 06, a daily rundown of shit that we thought was cool this year. Why? Because we're lazy and our opinion matters.
Today – hecklerspray's favourite movies of 2006, after the jump…
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Ah, Boxing Day. Did you know that Boxing Day traditionally got its name from the time your mother – fuelled by self-loathing from all the food she ate 24 hours earlier – punched a bishop to death for looking at her funny? True story.
But anyway, today isn't just Boxing Day – it's day one of Spray Picks 06. Spray Picks 06 is a four-day-long retrospective of the year gone by, where our esteemed staff of writers choose a whole bunch of stuff that they liked from the worlds of music, cinema, television and a vague other world we sort of invented to make up the numbers. OK, we'll admit it, Spray Picks 06 was originally going to be called Let's Stick This Up Between Christmas And New Year And Hope Nobody Notices That We're Bunking Off, but thanks to headline character limits, Spray Picks 06 it is.
Anyway, we're starting off today with our CDs of the year, and you can find the enlightening list right after the jump…
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Naughty or nice, what’s your poison?
Folded:
Creased:
Keep voting for Chris Laverty (The Heckler) in the Empire Thunderdome. And cheer up, it IS Christmas.
What with Eddie Murphy carping on about how the baby inside Mel B isn't his, you'd be forgiven for forgetting the daddy of all effed-up, drawn-out DNA paternity tests – the one starring Anna Nicole Smith, her baby and her baby's two prospective dads.
And finally it looks like the riddle of Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy is about to come staggering to a messy conclusion, since a judge has ruled that Larry Birkhead – a photographer who says he totally did it with Anna Nicole Smith enough to knock her up – is allowed to put Anna Nicole Smith's baby girl Dannielynn Hope through a paternity test to see if the baby is his instead of one of Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer's or something. It seems like someone is going to have their heart broken by the results of the paternity test, which wouldn't have happened at all if Anna Nicole Smith has defended her word via a jelly-fight against ten Swedish girls in a paddling pool like we wanted.
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Now we're not sure if this is brilliant news or awful news – the confusing, squawked, tear-soaked, mangled beyond comprehension version of 9 To 5 that Jessica Simpson sang as a recent tribute to Dolly Parton will never be seen on TV.
You could say it's good news that Jessica Simpson and CBS have jointly decided to remove 9 To 5 from the scheduled Boxing Day broadcast of the Kennedy Centre Honours because – let's face it – three and a half minutes where you don't see Jessica Simpson on TV yowling like a trapped cat is infinitely better than three and a half minutes where you do. But we can't help also being a little sad at the news, because who in their right mind would actually watch the Kennedy Centre Honours for any other reason than to have a quick chuckle at a bright orange manjawed woman arsing up the lines of a song and tearfully running from the stage without any applause at all?
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Well then, that's it for hecklerspray regular for 2006. Immediately after writing this we're going to lock ourselves in a small room to mentally steel ourselves ahead of a solid week spent playing endless games of semi-drunk, weirdly competitive games of Monopoly with our family.
