Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Folded to cast a smile, Creased to cast a tear.
Folded:
- All Saints all grown up (The sexy older women. They have ditched those bloody cargo pants and never looked finer)
- Borat the movie soundtrack (See the funniest film since, well anything in the past five years that was actually funny and not as dry as a bone – then get the soundtrack. Totally, absolutely serious, it’s a party classic. This Christmas’ Chas n’ Dave Jamboree Arthritic Knees Up)
- Liquid spirits (Beer is out. Winter commands a strong liver)
- Nintendo Wii (You’ve got to be excited because at least Nintendo are having a go. It will probably fail, but they are having a damn good try anyway)
- Really deep pub conversations (Like trying to remember the name of Battlecat in He-Man before he turned into Battlecat. Have a go without checking on Google. We’ve settled on Granger, but it still sounds wrong)
Creased:
- This Life repeats on BBC2 (Seeing this collective of impossibly habituated fuck-ups back with nothing more to say than ‘nudity and causal bad language’ makes you wonder why you got so excited first time around. Makes you seriously doubt the upcoming specials, too)
- Adios, Peter Jackson (Apparently asked to walk away from directing The Hobbit. Despite the threat of yet more DVD special editions and impending sofa haemorrhoids, this is a bad thing)
- Kelly Osbourne on I’m a Celebrity… (Screwing it up like a big, fat arse. How hard can it be, love, really? Just talk like you give a shit)
- Stink bombs (Kids all seem to be dropping them in town centres again. Let’s kill ‘em)
- Those Southern Comfort ‘SoCo’ adverts (if you actually hear anyone up their own arse enough to order a SoCo in a bar, then please punch them for us. Lot of violence this week)
Celebrities. They have it all, don't they? Wealth, fame, legions of fawning fans and a God-given right to carp on about whatever dumb shit happens to be ambiently floating around their mind at any given moment in time.
Regardless of how much Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to save the world, it's hard to call their recent visit to India anything other than a disaster - so who can blame either of them for wanting to cut loose and try again somewhere else?
Most people would regard being strapped into a three-ring gyroscope, hoisted 40ft into the air and left to listlessly spin around eight times a minute for a couple of days with no food or water in the freezing cold as a really rubbish way to pass the time.
hecklerspray is a hugely successful blog. Why just yesterday our sources tell us that we popped up when Tony Danza did a google search on the word 'graceful'.
If you're a bit strange you've probably been wondering whatever happened to Seal - the bald, facially-scarred singer who was famous for having two well-known songs a decade ago and then doing a song for the film about Porky Pig playing basketball.
It's a little known fact that, if you laid all the Breakout clones in the world from end to end, your wife would probably be very upset at all the mess you made of the kitchen.
Christmas. You can always tell its getting near Christmas in a couple of ways. Firstly a rubbish local ITV newsreaders comes and turns on the Christmas lights in your pikey little town, and secondly every band in the universe releases a Best Of album.
Certain questions just need to be asked.
Hey you! Yes, you! Do you get a kick out of buying mundane domestic household objects that used to belong to dead, drug-ravaged hippy singers? You are? Well today is your lucky day - you have the chance to buy Syd Barrett's bread bin.

