Article Archive for November 2006
Make way for another one!
Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Anderson Lee Anderson Rock Rock wants to revert back to being just Pamela Anderson Lee Lee Anderson Lee. Notice if you will, the shocking lack of 'Rock's included in her new last name. And don't notice, if you will, that the inclusion of all the 'Lee's in her second choice of last names kind of kills the semi-funny missing Rock joke.
Don't feel bad for Kid Rock though - aw hell no! Kid Rock's a champion, and he was sho' 'nuff just about to ask for his last name back anyhow! That's right, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing faster than a hung-over Vegas-ite. Last names are gonna switch around or something, and custody of the kids they raised together for almost four months may get sticky, even though one or the other doesn't really want custody of the kids for total lack of blood-relation.
It's just what we heard.
When we first happened across Bomb It, we weren't going to Slackerjack it. Bomb It's just a Bomberman clone, we thought, and what's the point of Slackerjacking a boring old Bomberman clone?Then we played Bomb It. For an hour and a half. Then forgot about it. Then played Bomb It again a couple of days later. For two hours. And then ...
Remember yesterday we told you that our very own Chris Laverty had made it into the final ten of the Empire Thunderdome film writers contest and that you should go and vote for him a whole load of times?
Good. We're glad that you do. But we know you're essentially very lazy people, so we've following up our plea with something a bit special. That's right - in a transparent attempt to get you to vote for him, young Mr Bigshot Film Magazine Writer Chris Laverty has put together part one of the hopefully long-running Empire Thunderdome Diaries, where he'll share the laughter, the tears and the frustration that comes from writing about films you like to go and see. Ready? Then read on...
Empire Thunderdome – hecklerspray is in, folks!
If you buy a copy of this month’s Empire magazine (which you should, as it has really hit its stride again), then you will find me in there, Chris Laverty – Thunderdome finalist.
As X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing and I Can Vaguely Be Perceived As Being Slightly More Famous Than You In Some Circumstances Get Me Out Of Here rattle to an end, thoughts naturally turn to next year's Big Brother.
And next year's Big Brother is going to be a whole lot different to any series of Big Brother you've seen so far. Although the basic structure of Big Brother will remain - a handful of grasping, self-serving, woefully inadequate dickwads will all live in a garish house for three months, bursting into tears and having petty squabbles every six seconds oblivious to the fact that in the outside world every human being they've ever had the smallest amount of feelings for has sold a tawdry kiss and tell story to a Sunday newspaper about them - but next year's Big Brother final won't be live any more. Why? Because screeching nobsack Nikki from this year's Big Brother said "I'm fucking shitting it" during this year's final and it made two people sad.
We're coming to regard the discovery of each week's dull-witted X Factor theme as the one solid gold highlight of our weekends. Having dispatched Love Songs and Number Ones in the last fortnight, X Factor unveiled its biggest gun yet.
That's right - the theme for Saturday's X Factor was Songs From The Movies. And which film-soundtracking genius did X Factor rope into being the special musical guest? John Williams? Ennio Morricone? Kenny Loggins, even? No - the special musical guests for Saturday's film-themed X Factor were Il Divo, who presumably contributed to the soundtrack of the movie Who The Hell Are These Clueless Fucktards? Our breath is literally baited to see what guff-headed theme the X Factor team manage to pull out of the bag next week. Literally.
But who'll win X Factor this year? Here are the X Factor betting odds for The MacDonald Brothers and Ben Mills...
The Passion Of The Christ was an unexpected cinematic sensation, as all kinds of Christians poured out of the woodwork to see a film a film about Jesus getting his head kicked in by a bunch of people speaking a language nobody understands.
So it was only going to be a matter of time before other religious movies started getting made. Since Mel Gibson already called shotgun on The One Where Jesus Bites It, that left The One Where Jesus Comes Back To Life, Kisses A Prostitute On The Lips And Goes Up To Heaven On A Cloud and The One Where Jesus Is Born. Unsurprisingly New Line thought that the second one would probably make for a more family-friendly movie and so went and made The Nativity Story, a movie about Jesus being born that got its world premiere yesterday at the Vatican, at a screening attended by The Pope's second in command. The Pope would have gone, but he's really much more of a Face/Off kinda guy.
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts or just the plain unexplainable.
Many parents only hope to give birth to a future doctor, legal judge, or much-acclaimed movie director. The more unabashed baby-makers may even think their loin-juice good enough to create a future president, tsar or dictator. And then there's the occasional couple that are lucky enough to give birth to a multi-armed Goddess of Indian folklore, which when born is instantly worshipped by throngs of money-leaving zealots.
That last one - it's rare, but it just happened.
It's a scene you've all witnessed at any number of small-town nightclubs - divorced females making too much of an effort to show that they're still sexually attractive and ending up looking a billion times more desperate than anyone could think possible.
Following her recent split from Kevin Federline, that's a situation that Britney Spears could have well found herself in, were it not for the steadying help and support of a small circle of close-knit sensible friends, who are urging Britney Spears to be the one who comes out of the divorce with a modicum of dignity. Wait, what? Britney Spears is hanging out with who? Oh Jesus...
Chances are that you'll have all seen pictures of Britney and new best friend Paris Hilton tottering around half-falling out of their ridiculous little dresses by now. We didn't even know that Britney Spears and Paris Hilton were friends. Perhaps they bonded over their one common interest - their love of having sex on video a lot.
