From the monthly archives:

November 2006

The ‘Spray Q&A: …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead

by Shawn Lindseth

Over the last eight years, Austin indie noiseniks …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead have consistently released some of the most gut-punchingly heavy indie these ears have ever heard, and they show no sign of letting up.

…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead’s last album World’s Apart was picked by one hecklerspray scribe as being the best CD of 2005, and the band’s new album So Divided has already been described as “the finest piece of rock n’ roll you’re likely to hear from the cradle to the grave.” By us. And how did …And You Will Know us By The Trail Of Dead choose to reciprocate all this feeling for them? By sending band member Conrad Keely over to answer some questions about the potential danger of flying albinos, that’s how…

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Guns N’ Roses Boot Eagles Of Death Metal Off Tour

by Stuart Heritage

The Eagles Of Death Metal are The Darkness that it’s OK to like, mostly because their singer doesn’t have a face like a badger’s testicle and their songs aren’t all about how funny genitals are – but try telling that to Guns N’ Roses.

Right now Guns N’ Roses are on a three-week tour of America, where they’ll try and convince a number of people that they exist before they release that album of theirs that’s been put off forever. When the tour was announced, The Eagles Of Death Metal were down as the band’s support act – a set-up that only lasted for one show and ended with an arena full of confused, possibly heavily mulleted rednecks and a fairly narked Axl Rose calling the band The Pigeons Of Shit Metal. Clever boy, our Axl.

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Rolling Stones Tour Makes More Money Than Anyone Ever

by Stuart Heritage

The Rolling Stones have a collective age of around one million years, but while most old folks are content to watch Sudo-Q before having a lovely dip in their walk-in bath, The Rolling Stones prefer to spend their time making shedloads of tour money.

Billboard magazine has named The Rolling Stones’ A Bigger Bang world tour as the highest-grossing tour in history, earning $437 million so far. Now the big question is what the Rolling Stones will spend all that tour money on – we’re guessing it’ll all be handed over to a crack team of Swiss scientists who’ll can transplant the elderly Rolling Stones brains into special musical robots with saggy latex faces which can go out on tour for them next time, leaving the band to get up to more age-appropriate activities like putting the TV on full volume, forgetting the names of their relatives and occasionally wetting themselves.

The Rolling Stones have a collective age of around one million years, but while most old folks are content to watch Sudo-Q before having a lovely dip in their walk-in bath, The Rolling Stones prefer to spend their time making shedloads of tour money. Billboard magazine has named The Rolling Stones' A Bigger Bang world tour as the highest-grossing tour in history, earning $437 million so far. Now the big question is what the Rolling Stones will spend all that tour money on - we're guessing it'll all be handed over to a crack team of Swiss scientists who'll can transplant the elderly Rolling Stones brains into special musical robots with saggy latex faces which can go out on tour for them next time, leaving the band to get up to more age-appropriate activities like putting the TV on full volume, forgetting the names of their relatives and occasionally wetting themselves.
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Paris Hilton Might Have Hit Lindsay Lohan Or Something

by Stuart Heritage

Sometimes we wish we we were part of the LA celebutante scene, but we’ve never had a failed recording contract or a doltish reality TV show and we’ve never sucked off a man on tape, so we’re not sure of where we’d stand in the general hierarchy.

But, oh, if we were in the close-knit circle of pointless, vapid, responsibility-free, lazy-eyed Los Angeles celebutantes, then we’d know exactly what was going on between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton at the moment. And we’d probably also have better tits. Anyway, according to reports, Lindsay Lohan is claiming that Britney Spears’ new best friend Paris Hilton hit her at a party. Or perhaps she didn’t. Regardless of what exactly happened between Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears at the weekend, we’re sure that a good old-fashioned mud-wrestle will go at least some way to repairing whatever damage has been caused so far.

Sometimes we wish we we were part of the LA celebutante scene, but we've never had a failed recording contract or a doltish reality TV show and we've never sucked off a man on tape, so we're not sure of where we'd stand in the general hierarchy. But, oh, if we were in the close-knit circle of pointless, vapid, responsibility-free, lazy-eyed Los Angeles celebutantes, then we'd know exactly what was going on between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton at the moment. And we'd probably also have better tits. Anyway, according to reports, Lindsay Lohan is claiming that Britney Spears' new best friend Paris Hilton hit her at a party. Or perhaps she didn't. Regardless of what exactly happened between Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears at the weekend, we're sure that a good old-fashioned mud-wrestle will go at least some way to repairing whatever damage has been caused so far.
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Pamela Anderson And Kid Rock Make Divorce Awesome Again

by Shawn Lindseth

Make way for another one!

Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Anderson Lee Anderson Rock Rock wants to revert back to being just Pamela Anderson Lee Lee Anderson Lee. Notice if you will, the shocking lack of ‘Rock’s included in her new last name. And don’t notice, if you will, that the inclusion of all the ‘Lee’s in her second choice of last names kind of kills the semi-funny missing Rock joke.

Don’t feel bad for Kid Rock though – aw hell no! Kid Rock’s a champion, and he was sho’ ’nuff just about to ask for his last name back anyhow! That’s right, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing faster than a hung-over Vegas-ite. Last names are gonna switch around or something, and custody of the kids they raised together for almost four months may get sticky, even though one or the other doesn’t really want custody of the kids for total lack of blood-relation.

It’s just what we heard.

Make way for another one! Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Anderson Lee Anderson Rock Rock wants to revert back to being just Pamela Anderson Lee Lee Anderson Lee. Notice if you will, the shocking lack of 'Rock's included in her new last name. And don't notice, if you will, that the inclusion of all the 'Lee's in her second choice of last names kind of kills the semi-funny missing Rock joke. Don't feel bad for Kid Rock though - aw hell no! Kid Rock's a champion, and he was sho' 'nuff just about to ask for his last name back anyhow! That's right, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing faster than a hung-over Vegas-ite. Last names are gonna switch around or something, and custody of the kids they raised together for almost four months may get sticky, even though one or the other doesn't really want custody of the kids for total lack of blood-relation. It's just what we heard.
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SLACKERJACK – Bomb It

by Stuart Heritage

When we first happened across Bomb It, we weren’t going to Slackerjack it. Bomb It’s just a Bomberman clone, we thought, and what’s the point of Slackerjacking a boring old Bomberman clone?

Then we played Bomb It. For an hour and a half. Then forgot about it. Then played Bomb It again a couple of days later. For two hours. And then we decided that we were so mercilessly addicted to Bomb It that we couldn’t possibly not Slackerjack it and live with ourselves for denying you the same joy as we had experienced. Yes, Bomb It is a Bomberman clone, but to dismiss it as such would be to forget two vital facts: 1) Bomberman is easily the best videogame that’s ever been made and 2) Playing Bomb It will be the most fun you’re going to have all week. Bomb It has one of those ultra-sincere cutesy North-East Asian soundtracks, graphics that are cuter than a kitten in a shoe, a multiplayer option, gameplay that will make your brain explode and power-ups. Oh, the Bomb It power-ups. hecklerspray thinks it can defeat any of you at Bomb It, but give hecklerspray the Bomb It power-up shaped like a glove and we’ll embarrass you so much at Bomb It that your mother will disown you. We’d love to write more here, but we’re going to go and play Bomb It for the rest of the day.

Play Bomb It now

When we first happened across Bomb It, we weren't going to Slackerjack it. Bomb It's just a Bomberman clone, we thought, and what's the point of Slackerjacking a boring old Bomberman clone? Then we played Bomb It. For an hour and a half. Then forgot about it. Then played Bomb It again a couple of days later. For two hours. And then we decided that we were so mercilessly addicted to Bomb It that we couldn't possibly not Slackerjack it and live with ourselves for denying you the same joy as we had experienced. Yes, Bomb It is a Bomberman clone, but to dismiss it as such would be to forget two vital facts: 1) Bomberman is easily the best videogame that's ever been made and 2) Playing Bomb It will be the most fun you're going to have all week. Bomb It has one of those ultra-sincere cutesy North-East Asian soundtracks, graphics that are cuter than a kitten in a shoe, a multiplayer option, gameplay that will make your brain explode and power-ups. Oh, the Bomb It power-ups. hecklerspray thinks it can defeat any of you at Bomb It, but give hecklerspray the Bomb It power-up shaped like a glove and we'll embarrass you so much at Bomb It that your mother will disown you. We'd love to write more here, but we're going to go and play Bomb It for the rest of the day. Play Bomb It now
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Vote Laverty: The Empire Thunderdome Diaries, Pt 1

by Chris Laverty

Remember yesterday we told you that our very own Chris Laverty had made it into the final ten of the Empire Thunderdome film writers contest and that you should go and vote for him a whole load of times?

Good. We’re glad that you do. But we know you’re essentially very lazy people, so we’ve following up our plea with something a bit special. That’s right – in a transparent attempt to get you to vote for him, young Mr Bigshot Film Magazine Writer Chris Laverty has put together part one of the hopefully long-running Empire Thunderdome Diaries, where he’ll share the laughter, the tears and the frustration that comes from writing about films you like to go and see. Ready? Then read on…

Empire Thunderdome – hecklerspray is in, folks!

If you buy a copy of this month’s Empire magazine (which you should, as it has really hit its stride again), then you will find me in there, Chris Laverty – Thunderdome finalist.

Remember yesterday we told you that our very own Chris Laverty had made it into the final ten of the Empire Thunderdome film writers contest and that you should go and vote for him a whole load of times? Good. We're glad that you do. But we know you're essentially very lazy people, so we've following up our plea with something a bit special. That's right - in a transparent attempt to get you to vote for him, young Mr Bigshot Film Magazine Writer Chris Laverty has put together part one of the hopefully long-running Empire Thunderdome Diaries, where he'll share the laughter, the tears and the frustration that comes from writing about films you like to go and see. Ready? Then read on... Empire Thunderdome – hecklerspray is in, folks! If you buy a copy of this month’s Empire magazine (which you should, as it has really hit its stride again), then you will find me in there, Chris Laverty – Thunderdome finalist.
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Nikki’s Pottymouth Ends Live Big Brother Finals

by Stuart Heritage

As X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing and I Can Vaguely Be Perceived As Being Slightly More Famous Than You In Some Circumstances Get Me Out Of Here rattle to an end, thoughts naturally turn to next year’s Big Brother.

And next year’s Big Brother is going to be a whole lot different to any series of Big Brother you’ve seen so far. Although the basic structure of Big Brother will remain – a handful of grasping, self-serving, woefully inadequate dickwads will all live in a garish house for three months, bursting into tears and having petty squabbles every six seconds oblivious to the fact that in the outside world every human being they’ve ever had the smallest amount of feelings for has sold a tawdry kiss and tell story to a Sunday newspaper about them – but next year’s Big Brother evictions won’t be live any more. Why? Because screeching nobsack Nikki from this year’s Big Brother said “I’m fucking shitting it” and it made two people sad.

As X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing and I Can Vaguely Be Perceived As Being Slightly More Famous Than You In Some Circumstances Get Me Out Of Here rattle to an end, thoughts naturally turn to next year's Big Brother. And next year's Big Brother is going to be a whole lot different to any series of Big Brother you've seen so far. Although the basic structure of Big Brother will remain - a handful of grasping, self-serving, woefully inadequate dickwads will all live in a garish house for three months, bursting into tears and having petty squabbles every six seconds oblivious to the fact that in the outside world every human being they've ever had the smallest amount of feelings for has sold a tawdry kiss and tell story to a Sunday newspaper about them - but next year's Big Brother evictions won't be live any more. Why? Because screeching nobsack Nikki from this year's Big Brother said "I'm fucking shitting it" and it made two people sad.
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X Factor Betting Odds: MacDonald Brothers & Ben Mills

by Stuart Heritage

We’re coming to regard the discovery of each week’s dull-witted X Factor theme as the one solid gold highlight of our weekends. Having dispatched Love Songs and Number Ones in the last fortnight, X Factor unveiled its biggest gun yet.

That’s right – the theme for Saturday’s X Factor was Songs From The Movies. And which film-soundtracking genius did X Factor rope into being the special musical guest? John Williams? Ennio Morricone? Kenny Loggins, even? No – the special musical guests for Saturday’s film-themed X Factor were Il Divo, who presumably contributed to the soundtrack of the movie Who The Hell Are These Clueless Fucktards? Our breath is literally baited to see what guff-headed theme the X Factor team manage to pull out of the bag next week. Literally.

But who’ll win X Factor this year? Here are the X Factor betting odds for The MacDonald Brothers and Ben Mills…

We're coming to regard the discovery of each week's dull-witted X Factor theme as the one solid gold highlight of our weekends. Having dispatched Love Songs and Number Ones in the last fortnight, X Factor unveiled its biggest gun yet. That's right - the theme for Saturday's X Factor was Songs From The Movies. And which film-soundtracking genius did X Factor rope into being the special musical guest? John Williams? Ennio Morricone? Kenny Loggins, even? No - the special musical guests for Saturday's film-themed X Factor were Il Divo, who presumably contributed to the soundtrack of the movie Who The Hell Are These Clueless Fucktards? Our breath is literally baited to see what guff-headed theme the X Factor team manage to pull out of the bag next week. Literally. But who'll win X Factor this year? Here are the X Factor betting odds for The MacDonald Brothers and Ben Mills...
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Nativity Movie Gets World Premiere For Vatican’s Almost-Pope

by Stuart Heritage

The Passion Of The Christ was an unexpected cinematic sensation, as all kinds of Christians poured out of the woodwork to see a film a film about Jesus getting his head kicked in by a bunch of people speaking a language nobody understands.

So it was only going to be a matter of time before other religious movies started getting made. Since Mel Gibson already called shotgun on The One Where Jesus Bites It, that left The One Where Jesus Comes Back To Life, Kisses A Prostitute On The Lips And Goes Up To Heaven On A Cloud and The One Where Jesus Is Born. Unsurprisingly New Line thought that the second one would probably make for a more family-friendly movie and so went and made The Nativity Story, a movie about Jesus being born that got its world premiere yesterday at the Vatican, at a screening attended by The Pope’s second in command. The Pope would have gone, but he’s really much more of a Face/Off kinda guy.

The Passion Of The Christ was an unexpected cinematic sensation, as all kinds of Christians poured out of the woodwork to see a film a film about Jesus getting his head kicked in by a bunch of people speaking a language nobody understands. So it was only going to be a matter of time before other religious movies started getting made. Since Mel Gibson already called shotgun on The One Where Jesus Bites It, that left The One Where Jesus Comes Back To Life, Kisses A Prostitute On The Lips And Goes Up To Heaven On A Cloud and The One Where Jesus Is Born. Unsurprisingly New Line thought that the second one would probably make for a more family-friendly movie and so went and made The Nativity Story, a movie about Jesus being born that got its world premiere yesterday at the Vatican, at a screening attended by The Pope's second in command. The Pope would have gone, but he's really much more of a Face/Off kinda guy.
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