Cameron Diaz Ain’t Never Getting Married
As far as women who like pube-haired boys who dance like girls go, Justin Timberlake sure is a catch, and there are probably dozens of lonely women who want to spike his drink with Rohypnol and rush him up the aisle while he's still woozy.
Unfortunately for those women, Justin Timberlake is already taken. And the woman who has taken him is Cameron Diaz - and Cameron never ever ever wants to get married to Justin Timberlake, not at all, no way, not if he was the last man on Earth. Cameron Diaz is serious - she's even been on TV to explain just how little she wants to marry Justin Timberlake. At least, you know, until she has it in writing that Justin's going to stop wearing those rubbish waistcoats and singing like he's been smacked in the balls with a cricket bat, but that's as good as never.
30 Rock - the shorter, funnier version of Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip - needs all the help it can get right now to stop it from getting axed; but whether or not one of its stars getting arrested for drink-driving counts as 'help' remains to be seen.
OK - let's say that you're a high-profile rapper with a new album out, and you seem to keep getting arrested all the time. Chances are you'd probably clear all the marijuana, guns and cocaine out from your car to stop it happening again, right?
So after four - thankfully amatuer sex tape-free - months of marriage, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting divorced; but what could have possibly come between two such obviously level-headed pillars of society?
Family Feud is what Americans call Family Fortunes,
Remember when ITV first launched that Quizmania programme, and how it seemed like the greatest (albeit sleep-depriving) entertainment feast that had ever splashed across your glowing telly box?
We're getting to the point of X Factor where all the awful acts have gone, and only the very best remain. Only that's not the case at all - so long as Ray and The MacDonald Brothers stay in X Factor, it'll still have its share of joke performers.
Just because her cowboy husband has wound up in rehab, it doesn't mean that Nicole Kidman's biological clock has quietened down any - in fact you can probably hear it tick-tocking away now if you hush up and concentrate hard enough.
Over the last eight years, Austin indie noiseniks …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead have consistently released some of the most gut-punchingly heavy indie these ears have ever heard, and they show no sign of letting up.
The Eagles Of Death Metal are The Darkness that it's OK to like, mostly because their singer doesn't have a face like a badger's testicle and their songs aren't all about how funny genitals are - but try telling that to Guns N' Roses.
The Rolling Stones have a collective age of around one million years, but while most old folks are content to watch Sudo-Q before having a lovely dip in their walk-in bath, The Rolling Stones prefer to spend their time making shedloads of tour money.
Sometimes we wish we we were part of the LA celebutante scene, but we've never had a failed recording contract or a doltish reality TV show and we've never sucked off a man on tape, so we're not sure of where we'd stand in the general hierarchy.


