by Chris Laverty
If it’s Folded, life says that very soon it’ll be Creased.
Folded:
* Man to Man With Dean Learner (it’s here, tonight, Channel 4, from the team [and characters] that brought you exquisitely funny spoof-comedy series Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. Hopes are high)
* Zach Braff (still not a major star in the UK yet, but he will be)
* Five US (got to be something on more worthwhile than BBC Three’s I’m With Stupid)
* Indian Ocean restaurant in York (okay, so most people reading this can’t relate, but until you’ve tried their Prawn Tandoori you just haven’t lived a day in your life. We like the little place, basically)
* Price Drop’s Sarah Hendy, currently on the Freshly Squeezed (she might end up driving us mad, but at least there’s somebody smiling in our lives at 7 am. Nice tattoo, too)
Creased:
* Reservoir Dogs video game – the paintball section (is there anything not wrong with what you’ve just read?)
* Computerised check-in at doctors’ surgeries (bet the old people love the permanently pre-menstrual receptionist pointing at a monitor and telling them to tap in their date of birth? You’ve gotta admire just how much our NHS hates the elderly. Quite an achievement)
* Ruby in Eastenders (actress Louisa Lytton on the cover of every poor person’s TV guide every week, and always pulling exactly the same ‘white teeth and smiles, but no room for an IQ’ facial expression)
* The X-Factor vs Strictly Come Dancing (X-Factor’s for chavs, Come Dancing’s for your mother. We all watch at least one of them though)
* Rick Edwards on the Freshly Squeezed; mouth full of marbles, head full of air (not what you want of a morning)
If it’s Folded, life says that very soon it’ll be Creased.
Folded:
* Man to Man With Dean Learner (it’s here, tonight, Channel 4, from the team [and characters] that brought you exquisitely funny spoof-comedy series Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. Hopes are high)
* Zach Braff (still not a major star in the UK yet, but he will be)
* Five US (got to be something on more worthwhile than BBC Three’s I’m With Stupid)
* Indian Ocean restaurant in York (okay, so most people reading this can’t relate, but until you’ve tried their Prawn Tandoori you just haven’t lived a day in your life. We like the little place, basically)
* Price Drop’s Sarah Hendy, currently on the Freshly Squeezed (she might end up driving us mad, but at least there’s somebody smiling in our lives at 7 am. Nice tattoo, too)
Creased:
* Reservoir Dogs video game – the paintball section (is there anything not wrong with what you’ve just read?)
* Computerised check-in at doctors’ surgeries (bet the old people love the permanently pre-menstrual receptionist pointing at a monitor and telling them to tap in their date of birth? You’ve gotta admire just how much our NHS hates the elderly. Quite an achievement)
* Ruby in Eastenders (actress Louisa Lytton on the cover of every poor person’s TV guide every week, and always pulling exactly the same ‘white teeth and smiles, but no room for an IQ’ facial expression)
* The X-Factor vs Strictly Come Dancing (X-Factor’s for chavs, Come Dancing’s for your mother. We all watch at least one of them though)
* Rick Edwards on the Freshly Squeezed; mouth full of marbles, head full of air (not what you want of a morning)
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by Stuart Heritage
Someone needs to teach New Rhodes some fucking manners.
As if loading up the review copies of new album Songs From The Lodge with so much encryption that our computers seize up the instant we try to play it on them wasn’t bad enough, New Rhodes then hilariously leave the first 30 seconds of Songs From The Lodge opener You’ve Given Me Something That I Can’t Give Back silent so that we a) turn the volume up as loud as we can and b) lean in really close straining our ears so that when the song eventually does burst screaming from the speakers we almost fall backwards off our chairs in shock. So New Rhodes unanimously deserve a slap for making listening to Songs From The Lodge an uphill struggle to start with, but what about the actual music itself?
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