From the monthly archives:

October 2006

Watch The Boy Kill Boy Shoot Me Down Video

by Stuart Heritage

Boy Kill Boy were one of those bands who were scheduled to be a Next Big Thing at the start of the year and then mostly vanished from view. But if Boy Kill Boy keep pushing out singles like Shoot Me Down, it might be time for a reassessment.

On paper, Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy sounds completely unremarkable – it’s a slab of slow-paced indie music that figures on the same family tree as Coldplay or Keane. Judging by Shoot Me Down, though, Boy Kill Boy occupy a far more emotional territory. It’s all there in Chris Peck’s bruised croon and the spare arrangement of the song – Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy packs one hell of a punch. And even if you don’t like Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy you’ll like the video to Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy, since it shows a woman pushing Chris Peck down some stairs in agonising slow motion, possibly because he has the world’s worst haircut.
Watch The Kill Boy Kill Shoot Me Down video now

Boy Kill Boy were one of those bands who were scheduled to be a Next Big Thing at the start of the year and then mostly vanished from view. But if Boy Kill Boy keep pushing out singles like Shoot Me Down, it might be time for a reassessment. On paper, Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy sounds completely unremarkable - it's a slab of slow-paced indie music that figures on the same family tree as Coldplay or Keane. Judging by Shoot Me Down, though, Boy Kill Boy occupy a far more emotional territory. It's all there in Chris Peck's bruised croon and the spare arrangement of the song - Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy packs one hell of a punch. And even if you don't like Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy you'll like the video to Shoot Me Down by Boy Kill Boy, since it shows a woman pushing Chris Peck down some stairs in agonising slow motion, possibly because he has the world's worst haircut. Watch The Kill Boy Kill Shoot Me Down video now
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You Can Buy Carmen Electra & Paris Hilton

by Shawn Lindseth

New Year’s Eve 2005 was a particularly crazy time for hecklerspray. It culminated with us riding a live white tiger down the glittery ball-pole there in Times Square.

But when we got to the bottom we were bored. There we were, galloping around on the saddle-less back of a white tiger through Times Square, occasionally getting splattered with the half eaten blood of Japanese tourists. Considered a truly thrilling time for most, and yet somehow it left us unfulfilled. The whole time we just kept thinking how all we ever wanted to do on a New Year’s Eve was attend a party thrown by a rented Hollywood harlot with little to no moral standards.

And it looks like this is our year. Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra are both renting themselves out as party hosts this New Year – ask and ye shall receive!

New Year's Eve 2005 was a particularly crazy time for hecklerspray. It culminated with us riding a live white tiger down the glittery ball-pole there in Times Square. But when we got to the bottom we were bored. There we were, galloping around on the saddle-less back of a white tiger through Times Square, occasionally getting splattered with the half eaten blood of Japanese tourists. Considered a truly thrilling time for most, and yet somehow it left us unfulfilled. The whole time we just kept thinking how all we ever wanted to do on a New Year's Eve was attend a party thrown by a rented Hollywood harlot with little to no moral standards. And it looks like this is our year. Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra are both renting themselves out as party hosts this New Year - ask and ye shall receive!
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Strictly Come Dancing Betting Odds: No More Spoony, Who’ll Win?

by Stuart Heritage

These dancers are dropping like flies, aren’t they? Three episodes of Strictly Come Dancing in and we’ve already waved goodbye to Nicholas Owen, Mica Paris, knackered old Jimmy Tarbuck and now DJ Spoony too.

The loss of Spoony on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing was the biggest shock to have ever happened to the show since the time that Bruce Forsyth actually managed to get all the way through a link without squinting at the autocue, messing up his lines or generally looking quite confused by all the lights and fast music. Spoony’s Strictly Come Dancing routine was actually one of the better performances of the night – but his elimination just goes to show that the British public don’t forget how annoying it is to be played 16 Artful Dodger tracks in a row on the radio on a Sunday morning. Now that Spoony’s out of Strictly Come Dancing, though, who’ll win?

Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Georgina Bouzova, Jan Ravens, Claire King, Peter Schmeichel and Carol Smillie…

These dancers are dropping like flies, aren't they? Three episodes of Strictly Come Dancing in and we've already waved goodbye to Nicholas Owen, Mica Paris, knackered old Jimmy Tarbuck and now DJ Spoony too. The loss of Spoony on Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing was the biggest shock to have ever happened to the show since the time that Bruce Forsyth actually managed to get all the way through a link without squinting at the autocue, messing up his lines or generally looking quite confused by all the lights and fast music. Spoony's Strictly Come Dancing routine was actually one of the better performances of the night - but his elimination just goes to show that the British public don't forget how annoying it is to be played 16 Artful Dodger tracks in a row on the radio on a Sunday morning. Now that Spoony's out of Strictly Come Dancing, though, who'll win? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Georgina Bouzova, Jan Ravens, Claire King, Peter Schmeichel and Carol Smillie...
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Britney Spears Baby: Officially Jayden James After All

by Stuart Heritage

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the unveiling of the lamest publicity stunt in the history of the world; You thought Britney Spears’ baby was called one thing, but it’s really called another thing – now your minds are blown, right?

We’re not exactly sure why Britney Spears and Kevin Federline decided to spread word that their new baby was called Sutton Pierce when it was really called Jayden James, but they did – a website has uncovered the birth certificate for baby Jayden James Federline, ending about two and a half hours of half-arsed speculation by two or three people worldwide. We’ll admit it – we’re just bummed out that the My Name Is Sutton Pierce Federline jumper we’d been knitting for Britney Spears’ baby is already out of date. However, our enthusiasm undimmed, we’re about to start work on a special his n’ hers We’re A Couple Of Pointless Dickfaces jumpers to sent to Jayden James’ parents.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the unveiling of the lamest publicity stunt in the history of the world; You thought Britney Spears' baby was called one thing, but it's really called another thing - now your minds are blown, right? We're not exactly sure why Britney Spears and Kevin Federline decided to spread word that their new baby was called Sutton Pierce when it was really called Jayden James, but they did - a website has uncovered the birth certificate for baby Jayden James Federline, ending about two and a half hours of half-arsed speculation by two or three people worldwide. We'll admit it - we're just bummed out that the My Name Is Sutton Pierce Federline jumper we'd been knitting for Britney Spears' baby is already out of date. However, our enthusiasm undimmed, we're about to start work on a special his n' hers We're A Couple Of Pointless Dickfaces jumpers to sent to Jayden James' parents.
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Foxy Brown Avoids Jail For Going Mental In A Nail Salon

by Stuart Heritage

Foxy Brown is the female rapper who used to be completely deaf. It’s a good job, then, that Foxy Brown isn’t going to jail, since any lingering aural difficulties would have made it harder for Foxy Brown to shiv a nonce in the ribs.

But that’s not something that Foxy Brown has to worry about any time soon – she’s avoided jail for charges stemming from an incident where she flew into medieval rage on a bunch of nail salon workers over a $20 bill. But now Foxy Brown is a free woman. Well, sort of free – she was found guilty and given a load of probation – but she won’t be going to jail for Hulk-smashing a salon to pieces with her fists. And it only took two years for the decision to get made.

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George Clooney: The Manliest Man’s Man In All Of Mandom

by Stuart Heritage

Westlife once sang “Tell me what makes a man,” a question to which we all know the answer: watching TV on a sofa with a bag of nuts on your chest and a hand down your pants, barely-disguised misogyny and having a hairy arse.

Try telling that to AskMen, though – it has just published results of a survey to find the world’s biggest man’s man. And what criteria did Askmen use to find this so-called bastion of a ‘man’s man’? None other than integrity, charisma and intelligence – all of which sound a little fruity to us. Anyway, the results of the Askmen survey reveal that rubber-wearing booze-hawker George Clooney is the manliest example of a man’s man that you will ever find.

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Kurt Cobain Richer Than Elvis, Still As Dead As Elvis

by Stuart Heritage

If you thought that Kurt Cobain was miserable when he was alive, just imagine how miserable he must be feeling now that’s he’s dead – Kurt Cobain is officially richer than Elvis Presley, but he can’t buy any speedboats because he’s dead.

A report by Forbes has revealed that Elvis Presley – top-earning dead celebrity for four straight years – has been beaten in the dead celebrity earning factor this year by dead Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, thanks to Courtney Love selling a 25% stake in his song catalogue for $50 million. However, the Elvis Presley estate are determined to make sure Kurt Cobain only tops the dead celebrity richlist for one year, by jumping onboard the resurgent grunge bandwagon and releasing Elvis Hates Himself Too, And Would Probably Want To Die If He Wasn’t Already Dead, a compilation of remixes of Elvis songs set to Nirvana-style backing tracks with Elvis Presley’s voice digitally lowered slightly to make him sound a bit more miserable.

If you thought that Kurt Cobain was miserable when he was alive, just imagine how miserable he must be feeling now that's he's dead - Kurt Cobain is officially richer than Elvis Presley, but he can't buy any speedboats because he's dead. A report by Forbes has revealed that Elvis Presley - top-earning dead celebrity for four straight years - has been beaten in the dead celebrity earning factor this year by dead Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, thanks to Courtney Love selling a 25% stake in his song catalogue for $50 million. However, the Elvis Presley estate are determined to make sure Kurt Cobain only tops the dead celebrity richlist for one year, by jumping onboard the resurgent grunge bandwagon and releasing Elvis Hates Himself Too, And Would Probably Want To Die If He Wasn't Already Dead, a compilation of remixes of Elvis songs set to Nirvana-style backing tracks with Elvis Presley's voice digitally lowered slightly to make him sound a bit more miserable.
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Pete Doherty In Massive Bloody Photographer Punch-Up

by Stuart Heritage

It’s good to see that Pete Doherty has finally sorted out his drug problems and is fast becoming a model citiz… what’s that? Pete Doherty has been in a giant fight with a photographer in Rome? Figures.

Reports are coming in that Pete Doherty, the nation’s favourite dirty-looking indie rocker with a voice like an asthmatic sea lion, spent Monday night locked in a rowdy skirmish with a photographer in Rome that apparently left Pete Doherty covered in blood and the snapper reportedly in hospital. Now the photographer is all “I’m going to the police,” and Pete Doherty is all “but I didn’t even do nuffink, honest guv.”

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Katie Holmes Completes Tom Cruise, Wedding-Style

by Shawn Lindseth

hecklerspray is positively beaming. The sun seems a tad brighter than usual, the air is more fragrant, and we wish all those pigeons we stomped last week were less dead than they currently are.

“Why the sudden over abundance of joy?” you may be asking yourself. “Why does that glorious light seem to be emanating from behind hecklerspray’s very eyes?” you may be reading right now.

The answer is simple – we love romance. We always have. We were right there with ‘em when Brad married Jennifer. We read every interview Ted Danson & Whoopi Goldberg ever did together. In our wallet we keep a copy of Christie Brinkley’s actual wedding-day nuptuals. All four of them.

And now Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are making honest Scientologists out of each other. They’ve set a marriage date, and we know what it is. Oh goody goody.

hecklerspray is positively beaming. The sun seems a tad brighter than usual, the air is more fragrant, and we wish all those pigeons we stomped last week were less dead than they currently are. "Why the sudden over abundance of joy?" you may be asking yourself. "Why does that glorious light seem to be emanating from behind hecklerspray's very eyes?" you may be reading right now. The answer is simple - we love romance. We always have. We were right there with 'em when Brad married Jennifer. We read every interview Ted Danson & Whoopi Goldberg ever did together. In our wallet we keep a copy of Christie Brinkley's actual wedding-day nuptuals. All four of them. And now Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are making honest Scientologists out of each other. They've set a marriage date, and we know what it is. Oh goody goody.
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Madonna Tells Oprah Media Made Her Arse Up Adoption

by Stuart Heritage

Madonna has taken all she can. Over the last few weeks she’s been subject to intense scrutiny over her decision to adopt a boy from Malawi and now Madonna has taken her case to the highest court in the land: The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Madonna’s long-awaited appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show won’t be broadcast until tonight but, thanks to one magazine’s uncanny ability to ask Oprah’s audience members some questions on their way out of the studio, we know that Madonna says the media is to blame for all the negative publicity she’s received for adopting David Banda, and not Madonna for the way that she jumped on a celebrity fad, bent international adoption rules a little bit and then moved a boy thousands of miles away from his family. Good job The Oprah Winfrey Show isn’t part of the media in any way, isn’t it, or we’d all end up getting really confused.

Oh.

Madonna has taken all she can. Over the last few weeks she's been subject to intense scrutiny over her decision to adopt a boy from Malawi and now Madonna has taken her case to the highest court in the land: The Oprah Winfrey Show. Madonna's long-awaited appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show won't be broadcast until tonight but, thanks to one magazine's uncanny ability to ask Oprah's audience members some questions on their way out of the studio, we know that Madonna says the media is to blame for all the negative publicity she's received for adopting David Banda, and not Madonna for the way that she jumped on a celebrity fad, bent international adoption rules a little bit and then moved a boy thousands of miles away from his family. Good job The Oprah Winfrey Show isn't part of the media in any way, isn't it, or we'd all end up getting really confused. Oh.
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