Article Archive for October 2006
"Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball. Tell me why our second album’s shit." Folded=good, creased=bad.
Folded:
Exciting Xbox 360 games push (Microsoft bringing out the big guns for Christmas. Sony better hope they have the greatest goddanm thing in the world up their sleeve) Video for Cell Phones Dead by Beck (a bear playing the drums? That’s just insane!) Last week’s Sunday Times Style ...
If someone handed you a CD and told you it was made by an offshoot of frightening rawk beasts The Icarus Line, what would you expect it to sound like? Like the sort of thing the CIA plays a terrorists to make them confess their crimes, probably.
And you'd be wrong, because that Icarus Line offshoot is As Templar Nites by Souls She Said, and - thankfully - it's a whistlestop, nine-track, 25-minute tour of the most scuzzily exciting places in danceable vaguely art rock indie around. And that means As Templar Nites by Souls She Said sounds like every band you've ever liked, you lucky beggars.
We've all been there - you've lived in a house for a while, and you feel like redecorating. Except where do you put your old outfits and the prosthetic disabled head that Eric Stoltz wore in the 1985 film Mask?
This is the exact problem that Cher faced recently. Now that she's more or less stopped making music - and the Will & Grace cameo paychecks have started to dry up - Cher decided to auction off all the clutter that stopped her being able to redecorate her house in the effortlessly tasteful way that only an old woman who once sat on top of a cannon while wearing the world's most pornographic spider's web can envisage. And now that Cher's auction is over and done with, it's been revealed that Cher earnt more than double the pre-sale estimates for her auctioned items. There's a message here, and it's that you should never rule out the power of the stereotypically homosexual dollar. Or the dollar belonging to cackling groups of bitter middle-aged divorced women who hate men.
Hey there, every other indie band in the world. Listen, we need to talk. We had a good old crack at things, didn't we? Gave it our best shot. Look, we're just going to come out and say it - we've met someone new. You probably haven't heard of them - they're called The Blood Arm.
We didn't mean to cheat on you; it's just that, you know, you're kind of dull. And you could probably do with washing a bit more regularly. The Blood Arm, though, they know how to treat us right. We just met The Blood Arm, listened to their new album Lie Lover Lie and we couldn't help but realise that its just much more sexy, confident, funny and exciting than you are. So, every other indie band in the world, it's over. We're with Lie Lover Lie by The Blood Arm now, and - although it's early days - we think it might be love.
Forget everything else that happened in the news this week - even North Korea's imminent nuclear weapons test pales into insignificance next to this story about two pointless bimbettes having a scrap in a club.
Following the confusing reports that wonk-eyed struggling musician Paris Hilton and estranged wife of him from that crappy band Shanna Moakler had a bit of a rumble in an LA nightclub on Wednesday morning, revelations have started to pour out. Now - although Paris Hilton is claiming that Shanna Moakler punched her on her permanently slack jaw - Shanna Moakler is claiming that she didn't hit Paris Hilton at all, and that it was Paris Hilton's group who did all the damage to her. Either way, it looks like the cause of all this fighting is Travis Barker from Blink 182, who started kissing Paris Hilton in public straight after he split up with his wife Shanna Moakler. The ensuing fight is roughly the most attention anyone has given Travis Barker since the woman from the newsagents accidentally gave him slightly too much change for a copy of Whizzer And Chips once in 1982.
Being a Star Trek fan is hobby fraught with danger; if members of your own family aren't persecuting you for being a friendless spod, then other Star Trek fans openly ridicule you for thinking that the Cardassians could beat the Tholians in a fight.
But sometimes, all the various threads of Star Trek fan can gather together as one. Next Generation fans can mingle with Voyager fans and Star Trek III: The Search For Spock fans can mingle with Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country fans, all without fear of overheated discussions about whether or not Star Trek: The Animated Series should be included in the official Star Trek canon turning into gruesome blood-soaked battles. One such occurrence of peaceful Star Trek fan-gathering happened yesterday, when Christie's started its three-day auction of official Star Trek memorabilia, allowing absolutely anyone to own some cheap wobbly tat that was on telly once.
That Eva Longoria, huh? What an attention-spaz. Seriously, if Eva Longoria isn't on every single TV ad we've seen this year she's bleating on about her boyfriend or falling over and bruising her ribs really bad.
That last example was the new thing that you need to pay attention to, by the way. According to reports, Eva Longoria slipped on a step of her Desperate Housewives trailer and ended up in hospital with seriously bruised ribs. Luckily, though, the trip to hospital wasn't a wasted one for Eva Longoria, as she managed to use the treatment time to film television adverts for ambulances, hospitals, gurneys, x-ray machines and those stupid gowns nurses give you that your naked arse sticks out of when you try and wear them.
Walk from one place to another place; that's all Disorientation asks of you. Sounds simple, right? Well obviously not - the game wouldn't be called Disorientation if there wasn't any disorientation involved.In Disorientation you play a regular man who needs to walk from the starting point to the ending point with your keyboard's arrow keys. The only thing is, Disorientation is constantly stretching ...
