Posts from October, 2006

Today is a dark day indeed - a day when evil itself rises up and stalks the land. It's the day that Playing With Fire, the first album by Britney Spears' husband and all-round delusional nitwit Kevin Federline, gets released.

You know what that means, right? It means that this time next week, there's every chance that Kevin Federline will be the biggest star on the planet, literally healing the sick and ending long-running global conflicts with the mellifluous power of his vocal ability and… what's that? Kevin Federline has had to cancel some of his first-ever concerts because hardly anyone is interested in seeing a lanky white bloke with cornrows rapping about a PopoZao? OK, scrap that last bit.

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Hey there, creepy voyeurs! Ever wanted to see one of the Desperate Housewives naked? OK, let's be more specific - ever wanted to see your least favourite member of the Desperate Housewives cast naked?

Of course you have - let's face it, you'd probably look at a naked picture of your own auntie if you found it on the internet wouldn't you, you filthy animal? And if you'd do that then of course you're going to want to drool all over pictures of Marcia Cross naked if the chance ever arose. Well guess what? It has - a removal firm is reportedly in possession of a bunch of photos that show Marcia Cross naked, and a cunning plan to splash them about all over the world has been set in motion. Now Marcia Cross is in a furious dash to block the release of her naked pictures before the sight of her exposed hoo-hahs cause even one molecule of man-muck to dribble out of the piss-whistle of a single confused teenage boy with weird ginger middle-aged woman obsessions.

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You know - despite spending a good deal of our time either looking up weird websites or thinking of new ways to insult Mariah Carey - we're a literary bunch here at hecklerspray.

That - book-readin' and stuff - is how we discovered the frankly brilliant Koren Zailckas, whose memoir Smashed is one of the most eye-opening, honest and exceptionally well-written things we've clapped our eyes on in many a month.

We caught up with Koren to chat about alcohol abuse, flag-burning, the rubbishness of Jonathan Franzen, Finding Forrester, Johnny Cash and all the fun stuff in between. And you know what? We've only gone and put it online for the whole bloody world (well, about 60,000ish of you per day) to read.

That's how nice we are.

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Like trying to get backstage at a big rock gig, The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is extraordinarily difficult to get into, although thankfully it involves less harrowing episodes of oral sex with burly stinking security men than you'd think.

Instead, there's a huge 25-year incubation period before a band will even be allowed to figure as part of the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame and then, once that's passed, there's a long and tedious nomination process to sift through. The shortlisted nominations for The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame 2007 have just been revealed, and it looks like REM, The Stooges, Chic and Van Halen will be going into the Hall Of Fame next year. Or at least they might be - some of the other gnarled old musicians on the nominations list might beat them to it.

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Each time we've wondered why so many people think that sitting in the Oprah Winfrey audience is even partially worthwhile, we're quickly reminded that it's because Oprah Winfrey likes to dish out free crap to her audience all the time.

And yesterday Oprah Winfrey did just that - every member of the Oprah Winfrey audience was given a debit card with $1,000 on it. There was a catch, of course; just as each audience member was trying to make sense of the enormity of this generous gift and starting to think of ways that it could improve their tedious lives, Oprah told them that they had to pass that $1,000 onto a charitable cause. While in most television audiences this tomfoolery would have ended in full-blown screaming outraged riots, the Oprah Winfrey audience instead probably clapped and whooped and cried and thought about their feelings or some other nonsense.

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Reese Witherspoon has a clearly-defined role as America's Sweetheart; and Ryan Phillippe has his own, equally well-defined, role too - That Guy Who Plods Around Anonymously A Couple Of Feet Behind America's Sweetheart.

Or at least he did. Now Ryan Phillippe is going to be best known for being That Guy Who Used To Plod Around Anonymously A Couple Of Feet Behind America's Sweetheart - it's been announced that Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe are splitting up after seven years of marriage. You know, just like Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe said they were absolutely not going to do six months ago. But, hey, maybe it's not all bad; if Reese Witherspoon was lying about not splitting up with her husband, maybe she was lying when she said she'd never make a sequel to Just Like Heaven. Even though she didn't say that in the first place. Dammit, we just want to see more films about humans having sex with peppy ghosts. Is that too much to ask?

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"Trivial Pursuit!?" you're probably bellowing at your screen like some kind of gibbering tramp, "Trivial Pursuit? But it isn't Boxing Day and I'm not trapped in my grandma's house!"

Well this isn't any old Trivial Pursuit, this is Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen. As the quicker-witted among you will have guessed, Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen is a Trivial Pursuit game about movies. You know how Trivial Pursuit works - you answer a bunch of questions about films to prove to everyone that, um, you know more about films than anyone else you're playing Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen with does. You can play Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen against the computer or against real people. If you like answering several questions about films and actors and stuff, you're gonna find Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen irresistible.

Order Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen Now

Download Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen

It's Halloween, which means two things; 1) Any music people try and get you to download will be shonky fake-scary Halloween music and 2) It's the one day of the year when giving sweets to kids you've never met doesn't make you a paedophile.

But Halloween is easily the crappest 'holiday' of the year, so naturally hecklerspray is bucking the trend with this week's Free New Crap - with our first point at least - and giving you the best free mournful Japanese language psychedelic indie folk with a prominent trumpet sound download that you'll hear today, probably. It's Here Is Very by My Pal Foot Foot. And Here Is Very by My Pal Foot Foot is genius. If you like slightly out of tune trumpets and girls mumbling incomprehensibly - and you all do deep down - then Here Is Very by My Pal Foot Foot is the tune for you. Here Is Very is a compilation album called Songs For Nao: Fourteen Bands From Japan, which rocks because we've heard it and we think it rocks. And it beats the arse off any spooky music that you'll be forced to listen to today.

Download Here Is Very by My Pal Foot Foot

Buy Songs For Nao: Fourteen Bands From Japan from Tunes Music Store

Read that headline. Read it again. Oasis, Take That and A-Ha won some awards yesterday. Yesterday. Not 12 years ago. But that's the Q Awards for you, folks - where age ain't nothing but an unusually high number.

Of course, picking on the Q Awards for honouring a bunch of irrelevant performers who haven't been good for over a decade is like shooting fish in a barrel. But - since the only vaguely interesting thing to happen at yesterday's Q Awards was Noel Gallagher saying that Liam Gallagher is a bit like a monkey at the zoo - that's exactly what we're going to do.

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On Saturday X Factor decided to unveil a shocking new twist. "What twist?" we thought. "Is it that Simon Cowell has learnt how to do up his shirts properly? Will Kate Thornton finally reveal where she hid her neck?"

In actual fact it was just a boring old double elimination. But, on the subject of Kate Thornton, does anyone else get the feeling that this whole 'Kate Sacked From X Factor' shebang is just a lazy publicity-grabber, the same as all the judge-fights were on the last couple of X Factor seasons? If it is, then X Factor has sorely missed the mark this time around. There could be a 'Kate Thornton Gives Birth To A Burning Unicorn Out Of Her Arse' headline and nobody would give a toss. Because it's Kate Thornton, for god's sake. Kate Thornton.

Anyway, it's time for part two of this week's X Factor betting odds, and we'll be looking at Ray Quinn, Ashley McKenzie and Eton Road…

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