Article Archive for December 2005
The marriage of Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney was kind of perfect - they met in January, married in May, split in September and are back being officially single again in December.
A courtship, marriage and messy annulment all in the space of one short year - it's this attention to turbo-charged efficiency and staggeringly neat compartmentalisation that helped Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney win the hearts of the world. It must be - it's certainly not her weird satsuma face or his awful twangy cowboy music.
Cliff Richard once sang "Christmas time/Mistletoe and wine." But while Cliff may have used Christmas time to get boozed up and snog women, Santa has a much more difficult Christmas.
Christmas time for Santa involves flying around on his sleigh throwing presents through people's roofs and at giant polar bears. And it'd be easy for him to do, too, if it weren't for all
...
Normally at this point in the day, we'd provide you with a set of blazingly accurate Christmas Number One betting odds. Not today, though. Shayne Ward's pretty much got it all sewn up, you see.
In face, Shayne Ward's version of That's My Goal is so certain of getting the 2005 UK Christmas Number One that there aren't any odds. It's a closed book, and X Factor winner Shayne was the one who closed it. Which must be a disappointment for all those fans of beat-boxing men playing double bass and talking about diggers a lot.
Card tricks are OK, but they're usually only done by timid boys who think that they can mask their desperate lack of a personality by flicking cards around and talking quickly. Card tricks with dirty language, though, are a completely different story.
You may remember a few months ago we showed a clip of the boys from South Park telling a very dirty
...
Lots of things are going to happen in 2006: England will go out in the World Cup semis, the Gulf Stream system will shut down and we'll all freeze to death, and some people will get number one records.
But who? It's time to take a look at a few more 2006 music betting odds - and today we'll be exploring the chances of Victoria Beckham, the England football team and Peter Andre getting a number one record before January 1st 2007.
Here's part one of our 2006 music betting odds, with help from SportingOdds.com...
Sharon Osbourne is having trouble with her boobs. No, not Chico and Andy from X Factor - her real breasts. Sharon doesn't like them anymore, so she's going to make them smaller.
Which is all well and good - after all, it's a woman's prerogative to be able to change her body however she wants - but Sharon Osbourne only made her breasts bigger five months ago. She'll probably change her mind again sooner or later - the surgeon may as well just slap a couple of zips on her bangers and be done with it.
Earlier in the year, we were sent word of a spiffy new band's MySpace page. The band was called Oppenheimer, and the songs on their MySpace page have stuck in our brains ever since.
Fuzzy like Joy Zipper, warm like The Spinto Band, catchy like the H5N1 strain of bird flu, Oppenheimer are a name you'd better learn how to pronounce properly because you'll be talking about them all the time next year.
We caught up with Shaun and Rocky from Oppenheimer for a quick chat about Belfast, eating breakfast in New York and your Mum wearing slippers to the chip shop...
You know, we're not too sure that Casino Royale will ever be made. After all the piff-paff about trying to find an actor to play James Bond, finding a Bond Girl was supposed to be a cinch.
But that's not the case. Nobody wants to be in the new James Bond film. Not Angelina Jolie, and now - if reports are to be believed - not Charlize Theron either. There's just one month to go before Casino Royale starts filming, which hopefully gives the Bond producers enough time to find someone suitable before the unthinkable happens and they unveil Code McCutcheon.
