Article Archive for December 2005
There is a famous saying that says "Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us." It's just a shame that idiots like Rachel Stevens and Dido decided that they wanted their music out of their bodies before they die.
It's time for another hecklerspray gig guide - all the finest acts touring the country in the next seven days squidged onto one cyber page for your human eyes to digest.
This week's hecklerspray gig guide features Doves, Foo Fighters, Bob Geldof, Kubb, The Levellers, LCD Soundsystem, Madness, Maximo Park, Mercury Rev, Oasis and Primal Scream.
It's the final of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here tonight. The culmination of two weeks of hunger, bad weather, cock eating and pube shaving. But who's going to win?
Sid Owen, Sheree Murphy and Carol Thatcher have all been in the jungle for the same length of time, so we'd like to say that, deep down, they're all winners. But that'd bugger up the betting odds, and the good people at SportingOdds.com would take us out and shoot us in the balls if that ever happened. So we'll be more precise - there will be one winner and two big fat losers.
Whoever is crowned the 2005 I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here King or Queen Of The Jungle will be able to look forward to a huge career upswing. There'll be the lucrative interview deals with newspapers, the shoddy cash-in single, the regular guest-spot on a Channel Five panel show, shameless adverts for all kinds of indiscriminate companies and the comfortable knowledge that whoever wins will be forever in the same pantheon as Phil Tufnell and Joe Pasquale.
So, now that Jimmy Osmond has gone, here are the I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here final betting odds, with help from SportingOdds.com...
***Early next year, the X Factor contestants - even Chico - are going on tour! Check out the tour dates and buy tickets here***
Today is a dark day indeed - X Factor has emerged, blinking and vulnerable, into a brand new dawn without the bizarro squeaking of Chico Slimari.
It could have been the absence of little dancing black kids that killed Chico's X Factor chances. But that didn't stop him from trying every single demented trick in the book - running
into the audience, pouring water on his own head, wearing a shirt with his own name written on it, making his nipples dance in time to the music. But still, the It's Chico's Crazy Party Time CD must be moments away.Now Chico is out of the X Factor running, who's going to win the series? Here are the latest betting odds to win X Factor, with help from SportingOdds.com...
Fucking London prices = creased. Fucking London women = folded.
Folded:
Crimestoppers Most Wanted website (you might see your mate!) Starbucks Christmas mint chocolate drink (if you must go outside in this weather, stop and have one of these) George Best (you don’t have to die to get in Folded, but you do have to fight) The Prisoner returns (could be the new ...
It's time for The Word to be culturally re-evaluated. And who better to do than shouty northern tearaways The Cribs?
The video for You're Gonna Lose Us by The Cribs is such a spot-on parody of The Word that - just for a few moments - we got mistily reminiscent of the brief time in the early 1990s when Mark Lamarr was something other
...
The Talbot Samba was so damn weak it could rust in freezing fog. What a shabby, French, spit-bucket-of-bolts travesty it was.
What else could you do but love it?
Rust:
You eventually learnt not to fear the brown crackling. At times it may even have been holding the beleaguered Samba together. Though that does mean spotting a nice example today is harder than watching Michael J. Fox play Operation .
Evidently the Samba’s fragile frame also made it lighter than a bag of crisps. It was only attached to the road by gravity and whatever heavy shopping you could pack in the back. This made for a unique handling experience - nippy without ever being fast, fun without ever being safe, stiff, rigid, brittle and staunch. Nothing else in the world, outside of a Paraguayan supercar, could make contradiction appear so beautiful.
Nicole Kidman must be sick of Tom Cruise getting all the headlines all the time, so she's doing something about it - Nicole's officially got engaged to country music star Keith Urban.
Or she might not have done. But she probably has. Perhaps. Someone said on TV.
On Monday, Motorhead re-release their latest album, the storming Inferno, on Monday. What can we tell you about it? Not a lot, really.
If you like Motorhead, you'll like Inferno. If you don't like Motorhead, you probably won't. So why are we banging on about it? Because it's being re-released wrapped in special Motorhead Christmas paper, and you get a bloody ace free DVD with it.
