Posts from August, 2005

You know how it gets in the summer. If the rock-stars of the world aren’t up to their waist in filth at some grotty European festival, then they’re sunning themselves on some ultra-secure private tropical island.

And this poses a problem for the music magazines - if nobody is doing anything entertaining, how do we fill our pages? Fortunately, Spin magazine has a solution. They’ve created a kind of Frankenstein’s rock-star from the "25 most incredible body parts" of current rock-stars.

Spin readers were polled on which body parts they’d most like to go into this freakish monstrosity. Topping was the list was Madonna’s navel - presumably not her navel as it is today, because it’s covered in bandages and horse spit.

Coming a close second was the liver of Keith Richards because, according to Spin editor Mark Spitz, “when Richards finally passes, they’ll line the exterior of the space shuttle with his liver tissue.”

Also included were Michael Stipe’s skull, Gene Simmons‘ tongue, the pelvis from Elvis, Tina Turner’s legs, Bruce Springsteen’s bum, 50 Cent’s chest and Tommy Lee’s willy.

It’s worth pointing out that this list was published for the purposes of fun only - it’s not a set of creepy instructions for weird Ed Gein wannabees. Got that?

Read more:
Spin Lists Rock’s ‘Incredible’ Body Parts - Newsday

If there’s one thing we love here at hecklerspray, it’s flying a plane down a river pumping oil tankers so full of bullets that they explode, causing a major-league environmental hotspot that will last for generations.

River Raid is today’s Game That Time Forgot, and that’s precisely what the game involved. And, of all things, this vision of insane violence created by a woman.

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What a week it’s been. It’s only Wednesday and we’ve already seen enough oddness to last us a month…

*Courtney Love might be by Alan Partridge,
*Richard Bacon might be married to Britney Spears,
*There’s a schoolboy Ozzy Osbourne/Iron Maiden fight,
*Batman’s gone a bit gay,
*The Piano Man was just having a bit of a laugh.

And now? What could possibly top that list of bizarro news? Well, you might want to sit down for this one:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have only gone and toured a dinosaur museum together!

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Sharon Osbourne. If she’s not being an X-Factor pantomime villain, she’s trying to control her wobbly-headed husband or slapping her arse in those exceptionally patronising Asda adverts.

And now, she’s fighting with Iron Maiden for allegedly getting up to some kind of mischief while on tour with Ozzy Osbourne in America.

A fight between Iron Maiden and Ozzy Osbourne? Bless them, it’s like they really want it to be 1986 again.

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Traffic cones are rubbish. They’re like tiny little orange triangular men, all silently judging you as you drive past them. "Ooh, nice haircut, arsehole," they think to themselves as you pass them. They don’t think we know, but we do. We can hear their thoughts.

One way of stopping the cones from thinking their evil thoughts is to mow them down in your car, laughing maniacally and slamming the steering wheel with your great big crazy hands. But if you do that in real life, people with just start asking questions, and sooner or later Social Services will be round your house, and then they’ll find all the bodies…

No, much better than that would be to just play Cone Crazy, today’s Slackerjack. All you have to do is knock down all the cones in thirty seconds. Easy. Or so you’d think.

Play Cone Crazy now.

Everyone loves Lost. We love the crazy bald knife guy. We love the junkie rockstar, we love that fat bloke, we don’t love the incesty brother and sister very much, but we love the Korean couple enough to make up for it.

One person who doesn’t love Lost is Anthony Spinner. He doesn’t love Lost because it apparently closely resembles something he wrote 28 years ago. In fact, he loves Lost so little that he’s suing ABC and Touchstone, who are responsible for the show.

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***LATEST MTV MUSIC VIDEO AWARDS ODDS HERE***

Only five days to go until the newly-named Diddy hosts the 2005 MTV Music Video Awards in Miami. So here’s another chance to make yourself rich with our special betting odds rundown.

Today, we’ll take a look at the Best R&B Video category. R&B stands for many things. Ritalin and Buspirone. Rice and Beans. Richard and Budy. In fact - when talking about music - R&B means when a lady goes "woah woah woah" over the top of a slow instrumental hip-hop track. Usually.

Let’s see the latest odds for the MTV MVA Best R&B Video nominees, brought to you by hecklerspray and Betfair.com…

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Robert Moog, inventor of the modern synthesiser, died on Sunday of an inoperable brain tumour that was diagnosed in April. He was 71.

Moog’s self-named instrument was invented in 1964. Following a multi-Grammy winning album of Mooged-up Bach pieces four years later, the world went crazy for the Moog, and it was featured on albums by The Beatles, Stevie Wonder, Donna Summer and The Who, as well as being integral to the soundtrack of A Clockwork Orange.

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After a brief hiatus (read: struggling to come up with ideas), the world’s greatest list is back and just as pointless as it could ever be.

So sit back, grab a beer, drink it and throw it at the screen in disgust as we present to you a comprehensive list of lessons to be learnt from the ultimate archaeologist. Oh, and Indiana Jones (DVDs), too…

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Of all the ‘what’s that all about?’ stories we’ve come across over the course of our life, none have been so stunningly ‘what’s THAT all about?’ as this weekend’s news that rock widow and drug black-hole Courtney Love is apparently with Steve Coogan’s baby.

The News Of The World reported the story on Sunday and, although it’s taken the world a little while to catch up - probably trying to work out who this Alan Partridge fella is - finally the world is united in it’s weirded-outness.

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