It's the middle of summer! The days are long, children run around in the streets scaring pensioners all day and everyone crams into cinemas to watch the latest inane crosseyed blockbuster remake of an old movie.

Except, well, that's just not the case. Except for the part about the kids - after all, what's summer without pre-teen bottlefights? - but as for the movies, less and less people are going to the cinema.This time last year, box office takings were 10% better than they are now. And that means that weird, left-field, un-summery movies can do well. And that's why Four Brothers is top of the US weekend box office chart.

The White Stripes have always got their music videos right. From the weird Lego animation of Fell In Love With A Girl to the stop-motion brilliance of The Hardest Button To Button, Jack and Meg have always realised the importance of a good promo clip.

It's no different for the video for My Doorbell, the second single from their latest album Get Behind Me

Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em, Christina Aguilera has warned Britney Spears that her days as pop’s Princess of Trash are sorely numbered. Roooooound one!

Aguilera reckons Britney has "let herself go" and has no chance of stealing the pierced one’s crown. Now far more than not, Britney is expecting hubby Kevin Federline’s baby as soon as she can find the time.

 Kelsey Grammer - he of the quick-witted and slightly-overrated hit comedy Frasier - has revealed to his baffled fans that one of his best buddies is "a 2,000 year old ghost called Alex who teaches him about good and evil."

An avid believer in the spirit realm - "I have communicated with many entities of late," he insists, a bit like that scary-eyed Lottery psychic lady - Kelsey regularly communes with the departed and attempts to extract various paranormal nuggets of wisdom from them.

Shame they weren't around when he signed up to star in Down Periscope, isn't it?

Rockstars are a funny breed. When some bloke from Guns N' Roses decides to wear an upturned KFC bucket as a hat/mask combo, nobody bats an eyelid. But when Roger from Human Resources does the same, he gets the sack and his wife leaves him. Where's the justice?

And when a rockstar goes to a hotel, it's expected for them to throw a bunch

Certain films just don't need follow-ups. hecklerspray can think of a big long list of such titles - undiluted cack that shouldn't really have been greenlit for the first movie anyway.

Quite a few of these films involve Kevin Costner.

Whether its the soul-sapping awfulness of The Postman (which - brilliantly - ends with a group of wide-eyed children staring up with admiration at a huge statue of the Kevster) or the please-drown-me movieturd otherwise known as Waterworld, Costner has handled more turkeys than a Bernard Matthews farmhand.

The worst offender, however, is 1992's The Bodyguard.

***LATEST COUNTDOWN REPLACEMENT ODDS! CLICK HERE***

It's long been said that university students experiencing their first taste of living away from their parents have found surrogates in Countdown's Richard Whiteley and Carol Vorderman, they were two familiar faces in an uncertain world.

If that's the case, then now that Richard Whiteley (the Dad) has sadly died, it's time for Carol Vorderman (the mum) to start bringing strange men home to take his place. But who?

Betfair has opened a market where you can bet on the new presenter of Countdown. The market will be settled based on the next episode of Countdown to be broadcast that features a new presenter, whether by one-off appearance or on a permanent basis. And all bets will be void if no new episodes are broadcast before January 1st.

Bearing that in mind, here's the hecklerspray and Betfair.com rundown on some of our favourite possible future Countdown presenters, along with their odds...

Sorry kids, but hecklerspray's down this week while we have a bit of a behind the scenes re-jiggle.

Don't be sad though, because we'll be back next Monday.

In the meantime, you can paper over the cracks in your heart by taking a peek at our list of stuff to fill your time with until we're back...