From the monthly archives:

May 2005

That’s like SO Friends the Movie

by Chris Laverty

To be fair we didn’t expect these guys to cave in first. George Lucas was a more likely bet to produce another Star Wars trilogy tracing the last days of Chewbacca’s descension into bestiality. However, two of Friends’ biggest cast members Jennifer Aniston (DVDs) and David Schwimmer (DVDs), have hinted at a possible big screen [...]

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Gwyneth Paltrow To Become Avon Lady

by C J Davies

… or something remarkably similar. Darling Gywnnie (DVDs), you see, has become the latest big-screen celebrity to jettison whatever credibility she had by signing up to become ‘the face’ (we take it that if Jennifer Lopez got the role, she’d be ‘the arse’) of multi-national cosmetics-hawkers Estee Lauder. Gywneth will see her ‘pretty head’ – [...]

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Lassie Come Home – The Remake

by Stuart Heritage

Crap dog fans rejoice! Lassie Come Home is being remade right now in Ireland. A Batman remake we can take. A Superman remake we can understand. Even a Herbie remake doesn’t arouse too much despair. But the fact that someone is willing to remake Lassie (DVDs), the most heartbreakingly tedious rainy bank holiday afternoon film [...]

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Sith Breaks Box Office Records

by Stuart Heritage

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge Of The Sith has drawn in vast numbers of people to cinemas worldwide, breaking the opening three-day and four-day records, previously held by Spiderman (DVDs) and The Matrix: Reloaded (DVDs). Since opening, Sith has taken $158.5 million in American cinemas alone. By counting the rest of the world, that [...]

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Tara Reid Embarks On Worldwide Party

by 586 MEDIA

Button-nosed American Pie (DVD) orangelady Tara Reid (DVDs) has signed with cable channel E! to present a globe-trotting series called Wild On, in which the gawking actress will swan around "a different location each episode as she hits the world’s hottest party spots". That’s right, folks – it’s the Simple Life (DVD) with added piss-ups. [...]

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Big Brother Countdown – 99 Hours To Go

by Stuart Heritage

***Big Brother Odds Coming Soon*** There’s less than 100 hours to go until the new series of Big Brother kicks off of Channel Four, and we’re doing a countdown like a kid waiting for Christmas in July. Typically, the producers are keeping silent on most of the details. But some nuggets of information are being [...]

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Kelly Osbourne Admits Making Appalling Music

by C J Davies

Pie-munching Ozzy daughter Kelly Osbourne (CDs/DVDs) has finally seen the light and admitted that her dreadful first album – a listening experience with the pleasure level of whittling down your own shinbone – was little more than a "marketing ploy." Kelly is adamant that her debut CD simply "wasn’t her sound." Coincidentally, this just happens [...]

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Another 100 Best Films Of All Time List

by Stuart Heritage

Time magazine, the publication that businessmen pretend to read when really they’ve hidden a porno mag inside,  has published a list of what it suggests are the 100 best films of all time. The unranked list was compiled by the magazine’s resident movie critics, Richard Schickel and Richard Corliss, and it has already caused controversy [...]

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Spice Girls Threaten To Reform

by C J Davies

1990′s horrorshow The Spice Girls (CDs) are planning to reform in 2006 for a 10th anniversary get-together which, according to various insider reports, could leave each member with a staggering £10 million bank bonus. hecklerspray can’t quite decide what’s more disturbing. The fact that it’s almost been a whole decade since those warbling fools first [...]

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Kate Moss Gets Robbed

by Chris Laverty

This week has ominously shown us there are two things the rich and famous cannot escape from, health and crime. All the money in the world won’t keep your heart ticking indefinitely; and although you might be able to buy  a bigger burglar alarm, if somebody wants to rob you, they will. It just depends [...]

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