From the monthly archives:

May 2005

Tom Jones To Return To Wales For His Birthday

by Stuart Heritage

Tom Jones (CDs) is to return to his home town in Wales for a huge concert to mark his 65th birthday. The growling, leather-trousered man’s man will sing in Pontypridd for the first time in 41 years tomorrow night. And, according to his interview with BBC Wales, he’ll have to try as hard as he [...]

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Mariah Carey: Queen Of The Stupid Demand

by C J Davies

Celebrities really don’t come more pointless and stupid than Mariah Carey (CDs). Just look at her, for Christ’s sake. She’s a vacuum-packed foil-fresh bundle of dullness, a bland-as-bread ‘diva’ with an ego the size of a planetary system and a voice that sounds like a hippie riding a bike down a cobbled street. She has, [...]

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George Lucas Wants To Make Another New Star Wars Movie?

by Stuart Heritage

George Lucas is rumoured to want to make another new Star Wars movie. Last decade, Lucas made claims he wanted to make six more films, three prequel Star Wars movies about Darth Vader (potatohead) and three sequel Star Wars movies about Luke Skywalker (lightsaber). George Lucas is rumoured to want to make another new Star [...]

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ITV Reveal New Channel For Men

by Stuart Heritage

ITV have revealed details for ITV4, a channel for men. ITV, currently playing the clever strategy of replacing a show as toe-curlingly awful as Celebrity Wrestling with a show even more fantastically awful, Celebrity Love Island, have decided that the male-targeted ITV4 will compliment their current roster of TV channels. ITV have revealed details for [...]

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Pete Doherty: “I’m Being Bugged”

by C J Davies

Mediocre junkie Pete Doherty (CDs) has revealed to an ever-more-disinterested world that he is being kept under "24 hour surveillance", presumably by shadowy agents of government conspiracy. Pete announced this during an appearance at the Ivor Novello awards, during which he wore a cray-zee straw hat and had "black marker pen scrawled all over his [...]

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Big Brother Countdown – 9 Hours To Go

by Stuart Heritage

LATEST BIG BROTHER ODDS *** Male Winner – 7/10 *** Female Winner – 5/4 *** CLICK HERE TO BET Big Brother 6 starts tonight on Channel 4, and we’re still conducting a countdown until the moment the housemates step inside the Big Brother house. We’re betting that this season will be the most popular ever [...]

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Ricky Gervais Returns To XFM

by Stuart Heritage

Lets split you readers into three groups. First we’ll address those of you who do not live in the UK… You know that not-very-funny show set in an office, called The Office (DVDs)? Before it was a rubbish American sitcom, it was a quite good English sitcom. It won some Golden Globes a few years [...]

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Darth Vader Whips Out His Lightsaber

by Chris Laverty

Flashing ladies is not funny. It’s potentially very traumatic, certainly invasive and not a great way to endear yourself to a girl’s parents. That said, when a story about someone exposing himself while dressed up as a big helmeted Sith Lord drifts into view, you’ve gotta give it a chuckle. Life’s just too short Malaysian [...]

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Motley Crue To Sue NBC

by Stuart Heritage

American rockstars Motley Crue (CDs) are getting ready to sue NBC for banning them from their station. On the New Year’s Eve edition of The Tonight Show, singer Vince Neil shouted "Happy fucking New Year!" to Tommy Lee. Following the incident, Motley Crue appearances on other NBC shows, such as Last Call With Carson Daley [...]

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Winona Ryder ‘Constantly Wanted Sex’ With Jamiroquai Frontman

by C J Davies

Now, here’s a hideous image for you: pretty movie-pixie Winona Ryder (DVDs) sullying herself with "non-stop demands for sex" from walking hatstand and lead Jamiroquai (CDs) gimp Jay Kay. Kind of like imagining Marilyn Monroe (DVDs) getting felt up by leery old Jim Davidson, isn’t it? Here’s the worst thing, though … it’s all true. [...]

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