People loved Billy Elliot (DVDs). When Elton John (CDs) saw it for the first time in Cannes, he cried so much he apparently had to be carried out of the cinema on a stretcher. Even though it was more or less Flashdance (DVDs) with dirty-faced boys instead of sexy ladies. And Jam (CDs) songs instead of awful eighties

Common consensus suggests that he's not very good at anything except 'playing poker' and 'walking around Montreal', but Ben Affleck (DVDs) now reportedly has 'fertility' to add to the list of things he doesn't suck at.

Reports today are suggesting that his girlfriend Jennifer Garner (DVDs) is three months with his child. It might explain why he asked her to marry him a couple of weeks ago, the dirty sod.

This isn't too much of a shock - a spectacular film about armies and fighting and romance and clashes of religion beating a scary film about wax. But the real news is that a film managed to get to number one in the American box-office at the start of the summer season by only taking $20 million.

Just think. You've got McCartney. You've got Linda. Possibly space fora sheepdog in the back. You've got a Lambo. Macca's driving at a cautious 35mph. Linda's dreaming of lentils. It is 1975.

Fast forward to 2005 and ask yourself this: have I got spare few grand and an eye for a bargain?

Then check out eBay, which has a 1970's Lamborghini Espada for sale

It's day six of the Eurovision Song Contest country rundown, brought to you by hecklerspray and Betfair.com.

This year, there's going to be a semi-final held two days before the main event, because Europe's got so big that there's not enough time for each country to sing on the big night. We're blaming the asylum seekers, or whoever else the Daily Mail's telling us to hate these days.

Our alphabetical profiling has got us all the way to the letter 'G', so that means today we're shining our big magnifying glass over Germany and Greece.

The Swiss are a funny lot. Every year they have a big television festival, and every year British shows do well. But it's always rubbish programmes that win.

The Festival Rose D'Or is a highly prestigious entertainment television awards ceremony that looks at television output from the whole world. So, in theory, the winners make the best television in the world. Little Britain (DVDs) won big at the weekend, taking the awards for Best Comedy and Best Comedy Performance. They're top of the world!

James Hewitt (books), or ‘Gentlemen Jim’ as he is now called, is the former lover of Princess Diana, and he is turning up on all sorts of television formats recently.  The rumoured father of Prince Harry, has now already been on our screens for ITV's Celebrity Wrestling and getting in trouble for E4’s Fool Around With ..James Hewitt.

James Hewitt, another unlikely James Bond (DVDs) candidate, has been whoopin’ ass in a smoking jacket for Celebrity Wrestling, as well as having himself a bit of English Yorkshire pie in Fool Around.

Hewitt is now almost set to become the most fastest exploited piece of television totty that the British Isles has to offer, forget Jordan and Peter ‘Pecs’ Andre.

James is crossing boundaries in the socialite category, usually dominated by posh power-houses like Lady Victoria Hervey, Britain’s version of Paris Hilton, but where  has she been recently?

If you have a reality television idea, then throw it at James Hewitt because he’ll be likely to catch it, unless he’s busy training up for the very next wrestling challenge.  Or maybe he’ll be busy taking part in an another Fool Around series, after all what wouldn’t be nicer than a bit of dancin’ and romancin’ yet again, within the confines of a stale E4 reality project. 

If the Living TV channel one day decides to search for the ghost of reality television, chances are it'll look like a posh ginger chap, that's for sure.

When hecklerspray was at school, studying Shakespeare had it's ups and downs. One big upside was watching Zeffirelli's film version of Romeo And Juliet (DVDs), mainly because you got to see a girl's tit for a fifth of a microsecond. When you're 14, that's a big deal.

A downside was that we also had to watch another Shakespeare movie. The Scottish play. We can't say the name of it, because it's unlucky. Oh, screw it. We have no fear of luck. It was Macbeth. There, nothing bad happened. Macbeth Macbeth Macbeth! (Cue comedy unlucky incident and much cheap hilarity)