From the monthly archives:

May 2005

Starbucks Ban Springsteen Bumming Song

by Stuart Heritage

It’s hard to know where to stand on the issue of ‘Starbucks: Good Or Bad’. They’re bad, because their aggressive expansion policy is pushing small, locally-run coffee houses. And there’s all that whiney blah blah blah fair trade nonsense that Mr Coldplay (CDs) always bangs on about. It’s good because they mostly all have free [...]

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Star Wars Episode III: An Ultraviolent Baby-Killing Affair

by Stuart Heritage

Hype, generally, is a good thing. But only for laughing at people who fall for it. Like the people who went to see the Harry Potter (DVDs/books) movies dressed up as wizards. Gibbon-brained fools, the lot of them. Not hecklerspray, though. We’re a hard nut to crack, we see straight through petty marketing ploys. And [...]

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Frank Sinatra, The Mafia, And The Cash-Filled Suitcase

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone wants to be Frank Sinatra (CDs). Robbie Williams (CDs), the cast of Ocean’s Eleven (DVDs), even Westlife (CDs) want to copy Ol’ Blue Eyes in some way or another. Beats us why. It’s perfectly obvious that Sammy Davis Jnr (CDs) was the coolest member of the Ratpack. But still, the man could sing like [...]

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Val Kilmer To Collaborate With Damon Albarn

by C J Davies

Honestly. Seriously. No need to frown or rub your eyes. No-one’s spiked your coffee. You read that headline right, we promise. Kilmer (DVDs) allegedly called up Albarn (CDs) and told him: "I feel I’ve got an album in me based on my life, and you’re the only man on this planet who can make it [...]

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Britney Spears Sells Urine For Charity

by C J Davies

God bless you, Britters (CDs /DVDs). Without you, hecklerspray wouldn’t be half the site it is today. Along with testosterone-fuelled Bear-man Russell Crowe (DVDs), your constant antics have kept the wheels of our chucklesome celebrity wagon rolling along. And now? Now people are shelling out hard cash to purchase your piss … God bless you, [...]

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Eurovision Odds – Belarus, Belgium and Bosnia

by Stuart Heritage

It’s day two of the hecklerspray and Betfair.com Eurovision contestant rundown. The competition will be held on May 21st, which leaves you plenty of time to research the entries, and mentally prepare yourself for the barrage of bad nonsense wailed at you by a load of strangers from countries you can’t even spell. Today, we’re [...]

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Coleen McLoughlin is not a Chav. Except she is

by Chris Laverty

Liverpudlian footy bird Coleen McLoughlin has renounced her media-imposed ‘chav’ title in a Vogue interview, despite evidence to the contrary as seen in the blessed tabloids over the past year or so. She spends Rooney’s money, rows a bit, then spends more of his money. He’s a boy genius with a Gazza-like picnic/sandwich deficit, so [...]

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The Apprentice: Sugar Hints at Tonight’s Winner

by Chris Laverty

No idea what we’ll all do when this show is over. No Dragons Den, no Apprentice, at this rate will be forced to give Ray Mears survives in Sidcup or wherever a shot. Tonight, 9.00 PM on BBC2 is the final, where Sir Alan Sugar will announce his £100,000 Amstrad apprentice in front of a [...]

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Bob Dylan Biopic Attracts Every Star In Hollywood

by C J Davies

… or damn near anyway. hecklerspray has found itself in a somewhat unusual emotional position of late. We believe you earth-dwellers refer to it as ‘looking forward to something.’ See, when the news first broke that a Bob Dylan (DVDs/CDs/books) life-movie was in the pipeline, we understandly had a brief spell of blood curdling. God [...]

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Michael Jackson Court Case – Big Debt Trouble

by Stuart Heritage

The Michael Jackson (CDs) court case continues, constantly giving away new secrets about the king of pop. First, there were the seized books of nude boys, although that genuinely looks more like art than outright kiddie porn. Now it’s been revealed that Jackson is in a deep financial crisis. But who hasn’t had a spot [...]

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