To deny the genius of the late, great Ray Charles would be just argument for the sake of argument. Nevertheless, giving the guy three Grammys for being dead is just pointless...

Ah. It's the most wonderful time of the year again. The time when arse-brained hormone-slaves dredge out their unwarranted sentiment and spew it across the media like a big heart-shaped pus discharge.

Example: Channel Four's 100 Greatest Tearjerkers. A Christ-numbingly bad compilation which just goes to show that the British Viewing Public has all the emotional sophisication of a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl screaming

So the next James Bond movie has been confirmed as a remake of Casino Royale.

This is possibly a good thing, as the original book doesn't contain anything thats been rubbish about the last few films, like giant space laserguns or invisible cars or 10 metre-tall robot monkey warriors. Actually, forget the last one, that's a great idea.

Now all that's left for the makers to do is decide on who is actually going to play James Bond. Having ruled out an early favourite, MC Skat Kat from Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract video, the producers are looking at a new, arguably less-talented set of contenders.

Here is the hecklerspray lowdown on the runners and riders...

"Can I have a coffee, black with two sugars" Whatever you say, Rupert Everett!!

MORE CRAZY QUOTES...

Word from BBC hacks is the sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean will involve cannibalism, portraying the Dominica Caribbean Indians as historical people-gobblers.

hecklerspray's favourite celebs not seen, not doing stuff, not hosted by Hawkeye...

Simon Cowell the pop perpetrator behind horrible acts like Gareth Gates and Will Young is in fear of being assassinated. Surprisingly enough it is not due to the music but as a result of his participation in American Idol...

Against all the odds U2 have scored a Number One hit with their latest slice of middle-age snooze rock 'Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own'.