From the monthly archives:

February 2005

Damien Rice: Float like a turd in a swimming pool

by Chris Laverty

“Oh Damien, your music touches me so"  (Some chick magazine) “It makes me feel, not listen… feel”  (Jo wiley. Radio 1.  Possibly) “The finest talent of his generation”  (Woolworths’ Hit 40 store display) Fans love to say this type of guff about Damien Rice.  I hope he actually gets to hear some of it before [...]

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Posh Re-Establishes Family Cruz Control

by 586 MEDIA

Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham has delivered once again, not another excruciatingly bad pop song, but another boy to add to the Beckham family. Victoria seems to have taken it upon herself to pursue a career in producing babies instead of attempting to resurrect her singing career. Good move. Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham has delivered once again, not [...]

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England’s Glory? WE ARE THE TV PIRATES OF THE WORLD!

by Stuart Heritage

Britain – let’s face it – is not great at very much. Where once we could hold our heads high and say that this was the birthplace of Darwin, Dickins and Churchill, who do we have for heroes now? Ellen MacArthur, a woman who can sail right round the world, all by herself, but still [...]

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Christ Moby, not again, no, please…

by Chris Laverty

More indescribable toilet fodder heading our way from the techno pillock of pop, aka Moby, who has released ‘Lift Me Up’, forgetting to add (and hurl me far, far away). Not to go so far as supporting the similarly bland and fading Eminem, but people really do not, must not, listen to techno anymore. Except [...]

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Beckham, Beyonce and Lopez: They Sell Fizzy Drinks And They’re Proud

by C J Davies

There now follows a hecklerspray public warning. If you’re a regular cinema-goer, you’ll know the feeling – having to watch the same godforsaken adverts over and over as they play out their two-month stretch. Remember that BMV promo, directed by Tony Scott and ‘starring’ walking charisma bypass Clive Owen? Remember thinking: this is about as [...]

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Bugs Bunny To Become ‘Edgy’

by C J Davies

There’s misguided. There’s very misguided. There’s ‘let’s liberate Iraq’ misguided. And then there’s this. Anyone with cherished childhood memories might want to look away now, for Bugs Bunny has had a makeover, and it ain’t pretty… There’s misguided. There’s very misguided. There’s ‘let’s liberate Iraq’ misguided. And then there’s this. Anyone with cherished childhood memories [...]

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KID ROCK OR KID CROCK OF SH..

by 586 MEDIA

Loonish rapping cowboy Kid Rock has been arrested on assault charges after an altercation with a strip club DJ. He allegedly punched resident spinner Jerry Campos twice inside the disc jockey booth at 2:50 am on Friday morning. Loonish rapping cowboy Kid Rock has been arrested on assault charges after an altercation with a strip [...]

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NMEWATCH: NME Gives The World The ‘Bloc Head’

by C J Davies

Seeking a novel way of looking like an idiot? Tired of being respected and taken seriously? Sick to the back teeth of ‘dignity’ dragging down your ‘self-respect’? Well, lucky, lucky, lucky you. The NME is here to save your soul… Seeking a novel way of looking like an idiot? Tired of being respected and taken [...]

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Sky Captain – It’s Available Monday And It’s Cack

by C J Davies

Well. it looks nice. Infact, it looks great – all shimmering sepia tones and grainy Nineteen-Forties loveliness. But that’s hardly the point. A steaming plate of rat poison pies may look nice with a little garnish sprinkled here and there. It still wouldn’t be very advisable to eat them. Little things, it transpires, make a [...]

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Starshite Express: The Trouble With Musicals (Is That They Suck)

by Stuart Heritage

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world that he doesn’t exist. So said someone who has never seen a piece of musical theatre. Everyone else who has been dragged to see a show – probably by their partner – knows full well the devil doesn’t just exist, but is making a [...]

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