Darkness Frontman Buys Own Album, Uses Money Mother Gave Him For Lunch

Everyone knows that feeling. Your favourite band is about to release an album of all new material, and the release date seems like forever away. Anticipation builds and builds until you just can’t wait anymore.  Then you turn to eBay. This is exactly what happened to the biggest fan of The Darkness: The Darkness.

Justin Hawkins, lead singer of The Darkness, was dabbling about on eBay when he found an illegal and premature copy of his band’s forthcoming album, One Way Ticket To Hell… And Back.

So what did Justin Hawkins do when he saw the a copy of One Way Ticket To Hell…And Back by The Darkness (CDs) on eBay? Did he call his lawyer? Complain to his mates? Find
solitude somewhere awesome? No… he bought it. A simple answer from
a simple man. But it wasn’t cheap - Hawkins spent £350 to plug
that leak. Within hours though, there were at least 16 other copies up
for eBay grabs.

What we’re getting at there, is you can’t stop the Internet. There are
no more grand first-day openings for any album by any band. The money
spent was money wasted. That in mind, here’s a brief list of other
things ol’ man Hawkins should’ve or could’ve blown his wad on:

1 - Any name brand full-bodied hair enhancer

2 - Forty five minutes of professional nipple sanding

3 - A giant tentacled playmate for the band’s space squid

4 - The rest of his leotard

5 - A laminated Terrell Owens sports card from when he was with The Eagles

6 - The Christian Children’s Fund

7 - The Christian Children’s Fund again (The selfish prick)

8 - His parent’s respect

Hey, just a thought

Read more:

Darkness Singer Tackles eBay Leak - BBC

[story by Shawn Lindseth]