Dappy Slags Off X-Factor, Simon Cowell Must Be Quaking In His Expensive Shoes

If you know someone who’s doing well, you’d be there for them, right? Always showering them with praise or offering words of encouragement when stuff goes a little bit pear-shaped. Anyone with a heart would anyway.

But is everything we see even real? We’ll never know if the smiles and waves that were directed to Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud were designed to be positive encouragement? Or pile loads of unneeded pressure upon her shoulders so she’d fail and spend a few months in rehab?

For this year’s X-Factor, Tulisa and Kelly Rowland stepped in for Cheryl and Dannii Minogue. We assume that Beyonce was too busy faking a child bump or something to care about her friend Kelly’s progress on the show. As for Tulisa, her fellow members of N-Dubz have been quiet on celebrating her success. Well we say that, Dappy has now decided to voice his opinion on more than just the show.

After Sunday’s results show, you’d have thought that Dappy would be furiously typing away into his phone and congratulating his band mate with a text that looked something like this:

OMG! Dat iz liek wel gud 4 u an dat wining da xfakta. Giz 1 o dem birdz digitz cuz day r totez getin sum dappy aktion LOLMAO.

It appears that he did nothing of the sort, as, on the same night that Tulisa and Little Mix were celebrating with a kebab, he was gigging in Manchester with his brand of gangsterless hip-hop. He told the crowd of teenagers and the venues bar staff:

“This is what fame is, not standing for hours outside to audition for X Factor. Fuck Simon Cowell.”

Looks like poor Dappy has a bee in his bonnet about the whole structure of reality TV and how it can instantly spark off a career for someone who’s only been in the public domain for three months.

“We wanted to go on The X Factor to be with Tulisa on judges’ houses but the people who own it thought we were too much of a gamble, that wasn’t right. I’m devastated they don’t think we’re capable of going on there and helping her.”

At least Dappy would have brought some comedy on to the X-Factor with is loveable antics. He’s just like Olly Murs, but more real, because he’s from the ghetto or something. Instead, we got Jessie J, a girl who doesn’t care about the price tag, but probably didn’t say no to her appearance fee for the show.

“Simon, I’m coming for you, bro. I don’t care, I don’t give two shits – you’ve made a big mistake, man. Watch your back, Simon! I’m gonna get hits and number one singles and show you!”

Phew, for a second, we thought that we’d have to dip in to our penny jar and finance security for Simon Cowell following that outburst. It looks like Dappy is threatening to rough us all up through lyrical bullets.

Makes sense really, he looks like he couldn’t operate a potato gun. Still, at least we’ve all seen his long, thin penis all over the internet, which is something. And whatever happened to that report which said Dappy battered a gal of his one night the X Factor was on?

Moral highgrounds ahoy!

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