You know Danny Dyer right? Yes, the man once dubbed by the Royal Shakespeare Company as ‘the best Hamlet since Olivier’ and praised for his deep, dark and gritty roles borne from Dyer’s unswerving dedication to method acting and delivering performances that Variety call ‘ethereal and devastating’.
Yeah. That Danny Dyer.
Of course, that’s all a bit glib because we all know that Dyer is a new breed of actor that goes to new depths every single time he appears on our screens. He’s invented a new zero-dimensional style of acting that effectively enables him to appear on-screen and act like himself, only ever varied up by the appearance of a cut on his lip or talking either ‘loudly’ or ‘slightly less loudly’.
And so, with opinion on the widest geezer in town at an all-time low, he’s got the sheer bloody nerve to slag someone else off for not being able to act. That’s a bit like a dog-shit criticising a rancid open sore for being too stinky. Dyer has set his phaser to ‘blah’ and Kelly Brook is in the crosshair.
Dyer, who once said that Orlando Bloom couldn’t act and that he genuinely thinks of as “a cunt” (more on that here), is reportedly unhappy at the prospect of working with Kelly Brook for a forthcoming movie.
You see, unfathomably, someone has deemed the pool of British acting talent shallow enough to cast the pair of them in the same flick. It just so happens to be a horror movie and it’s called Hotel Caledonia, just so you can give anything with a flickering screen a wide-berth around release date, just to be on the safe side.
Despite the fact that there hasn’t been a single frame shot for what promises to be a staggering waste of everyone’s time and money, Dyer is not a happy chappy.
Speaking about his future colleague in an interview with the Daily Star, Dyer is quoted as saying:
“She can’t act so I’m certainly not looking forward to working with her. She doesn’t do it for me and she never has done.
“She’s okay looking, she’s all right. But I wouldn’t call her that fucking fit. She honestly does nothing for me.
“And I definitely wouldn’t want to do a play with her. That’s the last thing you’ll see me do. I’d rather do a play with Shane Richie.”
It’s not all pointless news though. Dyer has admitted that the shooting for Hotel Caledonia may never begin as producers are finding it difficult to raise funds for the project.
“I was offered the part and said I wanted to do it. But it’s struggling with finance so I’m not sure if it’s definitely going ahead.
“My role in it is brilliant. I’ve got a part as a serial killer and I strip women’s skin from their bodies. It’s really dark.”
Jesus H. Shit. That sounds great doesn’t it? The answer you’re looking for is ‘No. Not at all. I’d rather strip the skin from mine own body, eat what I can take off and whatever I manage to pass as waste product before I die… the resultant mess will be a million times better, wittier and funnier than Hotel Caledonia’.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Firstly I find it incredulous that so called independent journalism can condemn what they clearly haven’t even seen, let alone read about this project merely because an oft-referred-to celebrity says something relating to it ! It says much about the journalist himself I would suggest. However on to more important matters there relating the fact is that neither Kelly Brook nor Danny Dyer are actually attached to the project. Whilst truthfully both have read, and whilst Kelly has registered interest, Danny did not in fact agree to a role…..simply because he wasnt offered one. He was asked to ‘read’ for a supporting character pending our interest in him, and his in us, continuing. Not withstanding there are actors of sound international repute who have attached to the project, and an international A-list cast with tremendous CV’s of their own who have registered unwavering interest. Danny is somewhat mistaken in terms of what he was actually offered, and what that role may have actually constituted………..certainly not a serial killer who strips anything from women’s bodies. Far from it actually! The role was the masquerading lothario side-kick to Kris Marshall’s bumbling hero! A little different to what Danny seems to suggest. And what’s more it appears the production received a clear and unequivocal ‘NO’ to the character he was asked to read for. The project has been struggling to find the money to do the script justice, but, whether to your delight or otherwise, are certainly not giving up, have another project in financing which we hope will springboard HS into production, and are not the only independents having a hard time given the current climate. At least we haven’t caved in like some people, to do one note, cardboard cut out film projects about gangsters, or vampires. We are at least trying to do something fresh and original – and I should know – I’m the project’s creator! So whichever way you feel justified in heckling our production you make yourself look just a tad more than foolish when you know nothing of the film’s content, its script, or its history. If you want the rub down on what is really happening you could of course have a little courtesy and ask the producers before spreading your uninformed and frankly ignorantly assembled opinion.
I also found it strange that Mr. Dyer – a becoming actor with a bright future, perhaps – was compared to Sir Olivier, which also shows the socalled independent journalist’s tainted and biased opinions of the film industry itself which seems to have nothing to do whatsoever with facts, research, or interviews before putting things in print.
I hope your project is going forward. Don’t give up hope.