The greatest theatrical double act in living memory – Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis – have split up.
We know. We’re heartbroken too. Between them, Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis could play anything – disturbing psycho-sexual melodramas, um… OK, actually Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis could only play disturbing psycho-sexual melodramas, but what a team they were. Between Daniel Radcliffe’s charisma and Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis’s winning smile, they won audiences over across the world with their production of Equus.
But now, sadly, they’re no more. Daniel Radcliffe has decided to go it alone in an upcoming Broadway musical production of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis, on the other hand, is thought to have signed up to be a recurring panellist on a wizard-themed comedy quiz show to be aired at 2am on Wednesday nights on BBC Three.
When people come to look back on the legendary double act of Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s penis, they’ll no doubt pinpoint their 2007 production of Equus as the high watermark. Their chemistry was effortless – Daniel Radcliffe set up the audience with his gripping portrayal of a young man compelled to blind horses by a malevolent horse-shaped godhead of his own creation, and then Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis stormed in at the end to push the play into a brand new direction.
But double acts can’t stay as fresh as Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s penis forever. Soon they found themselves with some serious competition, in the form of Taylor Lautner and Taylor Lautner’s Nipples. Not only did Taylor Lautner and Taylor Lautner’s Nipples have the benefit of being a three-piece, but they were younger and their bonds were stronger. You’d never see Taylor Lautner anywhere without at least one of Taylor Lautner’s Nipples by his side, but Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis would often go for days without being seen together.
Perhaps because they know that they can’t keep up the pace with newcomers as hungry as Taylor Lautner and Taylor Lautner’s Nipples, Daniel Radcliffe and Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis have announced a trial separation. Rather than let momentum drop, though, Daniel Radcliffe has already signed up for his first-ever Broadway musical, a production of How to Succeed at Business Without Really Trying. BBC News reports:
Daniel Radcliffe is to make his Broadway musical debut in 2011 in a revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. The show, to open next spring, marks the 20-year-old’s first stage role in New York since Equus in 2008. Radcliffe will play a young mail room employee who rises to the top of the corporate heap in this musical satire, first seen on Broadway in 1961.
You can’t help feeling a little sorry for Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis after hearing this news – it seems like he’s doomed to become the Andrew Ridgeley to Daniel Radcliffe’s George Michael. But we have faith in Daniel Radcliffe’s Penis. If anyone can come hard from behind, he can.
Jesus, that was disgusting. Sorry, everyone.
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Joe says
You forgot to mention his ass. And a very nice one at that. What a trifecta that would be…..Radcliffe, his penis, and his gorgeous ass.