If you were looking forward to the new season of Dancing With The Stars because of Jewel, we have bad news.

You’re a disgrace to humanity. Really, Jewel? You like Jewel? What do you like about her, her rubbish poetry or the fact that she’s named after a shiny pebble? Honestly, people like you make us sick. Why don’t you grow up, yeah? Grow up and stop liking rubbish singers with stupid one-word names, yeah? You moron.

Oh, and also Jewel has pulled out of Dancing With The Stars because of injury. That was probably our original point, in retrospect.