Now that Tara Tamara Fiddledibum has won Fame Academy and that other person won Dancing On Ice, we’re left with another gaping hole in our betting odds schedule – so we’re going to fill it with the American version of Strictly Come Dancing.
Dancing With The Stars starts tonight and, in true reality TV style, features all kinds of people we’ve never really heard of. But – hey – one of them has to win Dancing With The Stars, right? And if someone has to win Dancing With The Stars, you can bet your monkey arse that you can win money from it – and we’ll be right here all week introducing all the Dancing With The Stars contestants. Here’s the best bit – since Dancing With The Stars is only on American TV, you’ll get to make money by betting on it without ever having to actually watch it. Perfect.
So here’s part one of our Dancing With The Stars betting odds – for Heather Mills, John Ratzenberger and Shandi Finnessey – with help from Paddy Power…
Heather Mills – Who the hell is Heather Mills? Oh come now, you know who Heather Mills is – technically she’s still married to Paul McCartney, although they have now split because either a) Paul McCartney stabbed her in the arm with a wineglass or b) Paul McCartney noticed that Heather Mills was kind of annoying. Anyway, although people will watch Dancing With The Stars to see Heather Mills – or, more specifically, to see Heather Mills’ leg fly off and hit someone in the face – Heather Mills is the rank outsider to win Dancing With The Stars. Heather will no doubt claim this is because of her disability, but we suspect it’s because most people have noticed that Heather Mills is kind of annoying. Current Dancing With The Stars betting odds – 50/1
John Ratzenberger – Who the hell is John Ratzenberger? If you’ve watched Cheers, you’ve seen John Ratzenberger. No, he’s not Ted Danson. Or Woody Harrelson. Or Kirstie Alley. Or Shelly Long. Or Frasier. Or Frasier’s wife. Or Norm. Or Danny DeVito’s wife. The other one – John Ratzenberger is the one who look like he’d drop dead if he even moderately exerted himself. Strangely enough, the only person less likely to win Dancing With The Stars than John Ratzenberger is a monoped who irritates most people. However, shows like Dancing With The Stars thrive on seeing contestants go on a journey – it’s a shame that the only journey John Ratzenberger will be going on is the one to intensive care. Current Dancing With The Stars betting odds – 16/1
Shandi Finnessey – Who the hell is Shandi Finnessey? Buggered if we know – hang on a second while we Google her… oh, interesting. OK, Shandi Finnessey is that rare creature – a Miss USA who isn’t wankered on booze and cocaine and constantly seeing her way through a long line of men. In fact Shandi Finnessey comes to Dancing With The Stars fresh from writing a children’s book all about how kids can understand disability in their peers. Ahhh. And she was named as one of the top ten outstanding young Americans last year. Ahhhh. So why is Shandi Finnessey – a beautiful, considerate young woman dedicated to making the world a better place – so low down the Dancing With The Stars betting odds list? We don’t know. Maybe she’s really thick. Current Dancing With The Stars betting odds – 12/1
Tomorrow – More of this, obviously. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing With The Stars betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.