Dancing On Ice: Todd Carty Gone! NOOOOOO!
Right, our last reason to watch Dancing On Ice has now vanished for good – Todd Carty’s been voted off.
Don’t you people understand? Todd Carty was meant to be the glorious popular underdog all through Dancing On Ice, and he was supposed to win it. And he was supposed to make a mockery of Dancing On Ice and kill it off forever. But, oh no, you have to go and make it all about ’skating’, don’t you. Bleurgh.
Anway, here’s part one of this week’s Dancing On Ice rundown, for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…
Melinda Messenger – Melinda Messenger isn’t the worst ice skater on Dancing On Ice by about a million light years and yet, by virtue of the fact that she’s been in more skate-offs than any of the remaining contestants, she’s probably the least likely to win. Why is this? Actually, we’re not too sure – for a woman who’s made most of her money by acting as a wank fantasy for countless mechanics, Melinda Messenger actually seems quite nice. Maybe that’s it – booby AND pleasant? Does! Not! Compute! MUST! DESTROY!
Donal MacIntyre – We’ve looked at this statistically, and it would appear that, because he’s still a part of Dancing On Ice, there are people actually voting for Donal MacIntyre. That’s bewildering. Why are they doing this? It can’t be because of his talents as a skater, because we’re fairly sure that a startled moose could move about an ice rink with more grace. It can’t be because of his personality, because the place in Donal MacIntrye that would usually be filled with personality is instead filled with 15 different anecdotes about the time he got a gun pulled on him. Please, we don’t get it, so can someone do something about it, please?
Tomorrow – Dancing On Ice rundown for Ellery Hanley and Roxanne Pallett.
