Another week on Dancing On Ice, another week where Coleen Nolan inexplicably survives – Roxanne Pallett is out.

That’s not really a surprise – dressing up like a kind of porno version of I Dream Of Jeannie on a show primarily watched by middle-aged housewives is never a good tactical choice – but it’s still sad to see Roxanne Pallett leave Dancing On Ice. Especially since her prop last night was a chair that she barely got up from, making her just about the sexiest Ironside impersonator we’ve ever seen.

But with no more Roxanne Pallett, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Coleen Nolan…

Coleen Nolan – Without a doubt, Coleen Nolan has exceeded her wildest dreams on Dancing On Ice. That’s mostly because Coleen Nolan’s wildest dreams on Dancing On Ice probably involved her not smashing her face into liquid during the first second of her first training session. However, despite being the oldest, plumpest and least convincing female remaining on Dancing On Ice, she’s still going strong. OK, maybe ‘strong’ is the wrong word. But she’s still going – to date, Coleen hasn’t been in a single skate-off. And that’s just weird. Given her confusing Dancing On Ice routine with a feather boa to I Just Want To Make Love To You on Sunday, though, her days must surely be numbered. Not only was her interaction with the boa limited to wearing it around her neck, but she also struggled so much with looking sexy that she had to get someone in just to teach her what sexy looked like. And, if your definition of sexy involves pulling a face like an asthmatic cat anus, then Coleen did very well. If you don’t, though, it was disappointing. Dancing On Ice score – 16.5

Tomorrow: the Dancing On Ice rundown for Donal MacIntyre.

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