Dancing On Ice: Melinda Messenger & Coleen Nolan
As well as being the show where everyone decided that they didn’t like Michael Underwood, Sunday’s Dancing On Ice was special for another reason.
And that was the return of Christopher Dean. For the last few shows Christopher Dean had been out of action with an injury, so he had been unable to open the show with a fancy skating routine. But on Sunday, he and Jane Torvill were back doing what they do best – dressing up like a gay waiter and a chavvy single mother respectively. Hooray!
Anyway, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Melinda Messenger and Coleen Nolan…
Melinda Messenger – Melinda Messenger’s life is a tightrope between personal happiness and professional success. For instance, as soon as she got married, Melinda Messenger disappeared from sight. Then she split up from her husband, started getting underwear modelling contracts again and was allowed on Dancing On Ice. Then she got back with her husband and her dancing has fallen to pieces. What are the odds, eh? At least we’re presuming that it fell apart on Sunday – we’re sorry to admit that we were absolutely distracted by the woman’s cleavage, which may well be the most precarious in television history. Oh, let’s just assume she did badly. Dancing On Ice score -16.5
Coleen Nolan – As well as never forgiving Dancing On Ice for mercilessly stealing two hours of our weekend for three months, we’ve found something else to not forgive Dancing On Ice for – making us like Coleen Nolan. We were all geared up to hate her, but after last week’s gleeful routine, we… we… don’t think she’s entirely worthless. God, we feel so dirty. Not even the potentially humiliating sight of seeing Coleen Nolan dance to I’m In The Mood For Dancing, her own song, on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice could phase her. Yes, it was awkward, clumsy and stiff, but it was also genuinely endearing. Someone help us, please. Dancing On Ice score – 16
Tomorrow – Zoe Salmon, Roxanne Pallett and Todd Carty…
