Dancing On Ice: Melinda Bounces Out
There’s no point kidding yourself, you knew this day was coming – Melinda Messenger has been voted off Dancing On Ice.
Not even being spun around one-handed ten feet in the air could save Melinda Messenger last night. It was inevitable – Melinda was just built wrong for skating. Her jaw is so perfectly square that the only way she could ever hope to find perfect balance would be to have her tits surgically implanted onto her arse, and that’d just be weird.
So who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here’s our rundown for Coleen Nolan…
Coleen Nolan – Never in her wildest dreams could Coleen Nolan have imagined that she’d still be on Dancing On Ice this far down the line. At best she was probably hoping to be able to do her skates off without developing emphysema and hacking up four gallons of brown phlegm. But, no, Coleen Nolan is still going strong on Dancing On Ice, and it’s all down to the strength of her personality. It’s not down to her ice skating ability because, as we all know, Coleen is shit at ice skating. And that was painfully apparent during Sunday’s routine to The Shoop Shoop Song. Although Coleen was happy to tell everyone that she’s a showgirl beforehand, the truth is that she’s probably the world’s most weepy and exhausted-looking showgirl if she’s one at all. But, hey, she was married to Shane Richie, so let’s cut the poor woman some slack. Dancing On Ice score – 16.5
Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice recap for Roxanne Pallet and Donal MacIntyre.
