Here it is again, the fourth and final installment of this week’s Dancing On Ice contestant rundowns.

But before we get into any of that, did you know that both Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby are now on Twitter? It’s true, and it’s fuelled our desire to see Dancing On Ice completely Twitterfied by the end of the series. There’s still a long way to go, though. Twitter.com/baldyskeletorjudge doesn’t even exist yet. For shame.

Anyway, here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Jessica Taylor and Ray Quinn…

Jessica Taylor – We’ve decided that we’ve been a little bit too hard on Jessica Taylor lately. Just because she doesn’t even have a hint of personality, it doesn’t mean that she’s a bad ice skater. On the contrary – she’s actually quite a good ice skater. And who says you need personality to succeed at skating? Look at Torvill and Dean – we were about 19 before we discovered that they weren’t actually made of balsa wood. Why are we banging on about this instead of Jessica Taylor’s skating? Because Jessica Taylor has literally bored one of our tits off, the tedious moo.

Ray Quinn – Our realisation last week that Ray Quinn wears a hairband LIKE A GIRL, LIKE A MASSIVE GIRL has stayed with us. It’s brilliant, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter how good Ray is at acting or singing or ice skating, the fact alone that he wears a hairband and is therefore literally half a step away from actually menstruating means that we’re still better than him at life. We’re all still better than him at life. Unless you wear a hairband, that is. And you’re not female. We genuinely have no idea where we’re going with this.

Next week: More Dancing On Ice than your brain and/or body can handle.

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