Dancing On Ice: Ellery Hanley & Roxanne Pallett
You know, the more we think about it, the more annoyed we are that Dancing On Ice got rid of Todd Carty on Sunday.
Because, really, what fun is left to be had from Dancing On Ice now? The opening Torvill And Dean dance number? Um, no. The catty banter between the judges? We’d rather be smashed in the face with a hammer. The distant possibility that Donal MacIntrye is going to scar his face really quite badly? Oh yes. That.
So here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Ellery Hanley and Roxanne Pallett…
Ellery Hanley – On paper, Ellery Hanley should be a shoo-in to win Dancing On Ice – he’s muscular, he has a good base level of fitness and as far as we know he doesn’t share any genes whatsoever with Todd Carty – and yet in reality he’s a little bit cack. We think it’s because Ellery is just too nice for the show. Just look at the way he’s bossed about his twiglet of a skating partner – it’s like watching King Kong chained up before he goes batshit and kills everyone. Actually, note to Ellery: go batshit and kill everyone. You’ll get our vote. Twice if you start with Ben From Lost Judge.
Roxanne Pallett – The weird thing about this year’s Dancing On Ice is that there’s already one freakishly talented ice skater in Ray Quinn, and there’s a hopeless flailer in Donal MacIntyre. And everyone else just seems to be afloat in an interchangeable sea of mediocrity. Typical of this is Roxanne Pallett. True, she’s pretty – albeit in a way that makes her look about 12 years old which is massively disconcerting, frankly – but her skating puts her bang in the middle of the bell curve, which is probably why she’s the skater we forget about the most. Still, if she continues her habit of almost decapitating her partner, she’ll become memorable. Locked up on a manslaughter charge, yes, but memorable.
Tomorrow: Coleen Nolan and Zoe Salmon.
