Next week sees the Dancing On Ice final take place – and it’ll be taking place without Coleen Nolan.

Things were against Coleen Nolan from the very start. Last night Coleen Nolan had to contend with a back injury that she picked up in training. And to her credit, during her routine to You’re Still The One, it didn’t seem as if Coleen was injured at all. Admittedly that’s because she always skates like a woman with a smashed spine, but never mind.

So who’ll win Dancing On Ice on Sunday? Here’s our rundown for Jessica Taylor…

Jessica Taylor -  If you judged Dancing On Ice purely on its merits then Jessica Taylor would finish the final in second place. Then again, if you judged Dancing On Ice purely on its merits then it would have been cancelled after the first episode. Anyway, the point is that, despite being comparatively decent at Dancing On Ice, the judges have had to save Jessica Taylor from elimination twice now, so it’s almost certain that she’ll be first out next week. Maybe one day we’ll find out why Jessica Taylor was so disliked – maybe it was jealousy, maybe the public was intimidated by her talent, or maybe it’s just that she gives off the impression that holding a conversation with her would be like trying to persuade a monkey to tapdance. Who really knows? Apparently, according to the Dancing On Ice judges, Jessica’s fundamentals during her routine to Why last night were even better than Ray Quinn’s. We don’t know if that’s true or not because, as usual with Jessica Taylor’s routines, we completely drifted off about 10 seconds in and started to think about crisps or something. Dancing On Ice score – 26.5

Tomorrow: the Dancing On Ice final profile for Donal MacIntyre.

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