Oh thank heavens – the Dancing On Ice theme nights have kicked in with aplomb, and not a moment too soon.
Sunday’s Dancing On Ice was themed around the 1980s, and for good reason. Not only was it the decade when Philip Schofield‘s hair last didn’t make him look like the Werther’s Original grandpa, but it was also the last time on record that Torvill And Dean last dressed anywhere near their ages. Oh, happy times.
Anyway, here are our Dancing On Ice rundowns for Coleen Nolan and Roxanne Pallet…
Coleen Nolan – Usually the older ladies don’t do so well at Dancing On Ice – like that newsreader lady who smashed her face into mush a couple of years ago, for instance – but Coleen Nolan is currently playing out of her skin. Maybe it’s because she’s got nothing to lose – even if she clattered into the barrier and shat herself on live TV it’d still be the fourth-worst thing she’d ever done after Loose Women, those Iceland adverts and marrying Shane Richie. For her Dancing On Ice performance on Sunday, Coleen decided to replace her usual chirpy manner with a more romantic side with a routine to Lady In Red. How was it? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. Ugh. Memo to Coleen. Lessen your HRT dose. Ugh. Dancing On Ice score – 14.5
Roxanne Pallet – Roxanne Pallet’s a bit of a sucker for these ITV reality TV shows, isn’t she? She’s already done Soapstar Superstar and now she’s doing Dancing On Ice. Our advice to Roxanne Pallet would be to carry on doing as many shows like this as she can – eventually she’ll do one that she’s halfway good at, surely. Especially if it’s about sustaining serious torso injuries, because Roxanne actually managed to dislocate one of her ribs in training for her Dancing On Ice routine to China In Your Hands last week. Luckily, though, Roxanne managed to struggle through the pain enough to do her routine dressed in what appeared to be a witch’s net curtain. That is literally all we can remember about it. Dancing On Ice score – 16
Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice recaps for Zoe Salmon and Jessica Taylor.
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