It’s the final of Dancing On Ice on Sunday and, despite all the nasty things we’ve said about it lately, we’re sad.

Why? Because we’ve just realised that throughout Dancing On Ice, Jane Torvill has been dressing in an increasingly inappropriate way, culminating on Sunday with an outfit that she appeared to have stolen from a teenage girl. If Dancing On Ice had lasted just a month longer, we swear we’d be seeing her in a nappy and bib. And now we won’t. Sad.

Never mind, here’s the Dancing On Ice final rundown for Donal MacIntyre…

Donal MacIntyre – Everyone says that, on shows like Dancing On Ice, the public loves a journey. And, in a series of Dancing On Ice where Ray Quinn started good and ended good and Coleen Nolan started crap and ended crap, Donal MacIntyre has had the closest thing to a journey, given his very marginal improvement  throughout the last few months. Just getting to the final has been huge for him – to the extent that he’s probably looking for an undercover journalism/ skating crossover show to maximise his appeal. It’d be great, like a version of The Cook Report where all the crooks are either hockey players or small children. Donal’s routine to Live And Let Die on Sunday came in two parts. The first part seemed to involve him spelling out ‘I’m a creepy old tit’ in semaphore with his arms with an anguished look on his face, and the second part was about him barrelling around the ice rink looking like he was going to topple over at any second. Needless to say, neither were great. Dancing On Ice score – 22.5

Tomorrow: That’s right, Ray Quinn.

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