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Safe Hands? Safe Hands? Can we now officially – after he once again smashed his Dancing On Ice partner into a crumpled heap on Saturday – never ever call David Seaman Safe Hands again?

David’s basic inability to hold anything in his hands without breaking it into pieces meant that he lost his place in the Dancing On Ice final, which is going to take place live tomorrow night. Hard to imagine, but after tomorrow there’ll be nowhere on TV where you can watch former England goalkeepers physically abuse women in short skirts with metal blades strapped to their feet. Sad but true.

Now that Seaman’s been eliminated, though, who’s going to win Dancing On Ice? This is the last chance you’ve got to place a Dancing On Ice bet – so you’d better make sure you click these links and support your favourite Dancing On Ice contestant by whacking a bunch of cash on them.

Here’s our last batch of Dancing On Ice betting odds, with help from SportingOdds.com…

Stefan Booth – Stefan has come a long way on Dancing On Ice. From
being a relatively unknown with no skating skills and a handful of
last-chance skate-offs to his name, Stefan has become a relatively
unknown with no skating skills and a handful of last-chance skate-offs
to his name with a dance partner pretty enough to get plenty of votes
from middle-aged Dads everywhere. Stefan secured his place in the
Dancing On Ice final by wearing a bizarre outfit and dancing to Don’t
Stop Me Now well enough for the Dancing On Ice judges to say, "What I
love about Stefan is that he has proven me wrong – he’s worked very,
very hard at improving. I still think your arms are letting you down."
SCORE – 23.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 3/1

Bonnie Langford – Bonnie Langford has had three distinct phases
during Dancing on Ice. First, there was the "Christ! That’s bloody
Bonnie Langford on Dancing On Ice," phase; the "How the shitting hell
can she do that with her legs? The woman is a demon!" phase; and
finally the "She’s not even skating properly, she’s just letting her
partner hurl her about by her ankles all the time," phase. Sadly, the
final phase has kicked in right before the Dancing On Ice final, and
it’s hurting her chances. Her Dancing On Ice routine to Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You had the judges being all scornful: "It’s about how they
performed tonight. The way you skated was no way near what you can do.
You tightened up on the ice." SCORE – 23.5 – Current Dancing On Ice
betting odds – 3/1

Gaynor Faye – Gaynor has had a similar Dancing On Ice journey to
Stefan – when she started out she was as gawky and uncoordinated as a
new-born deer, but she quickly learnt that groping her Dancing On Ice
partner like a drunk oversexed Auntie locked in a bathroom with a
terrified youngster at a birthday party was gaining her praise and
votes, so that’s what she’s stuck to, dammit. On Saturday’s Dancing On
Ice, Gaynor shimmied to I’ve Had The Time Of My Life – which generally
impressed the judges. They said – predictably – "I had the time of my
life watching you. The sheer joy of watching you and Dan through the
entire show has been a delight." SCORE – 26.5 – Current Dancing On Ice
betting odds – 8/13

And that’s your lot – there’ll be no more Dancing On Ice betting
odds from us, not until next year, at least. Don’t forget to take this
chance and bet on Dancing On Ice while you still can; it’s easy and fun
and SportingOdds.com will even give you a free £25 bet when you sign up
with them. Good luck.

[story by Stuart Heritage]