You guys remember that Miley Cyrus is, like, totally grown up now, right? You didn’t forget that people don’t stay fifteen forever?
If you didn’t get the message the first twenty seven times she appeared in ganja-leaf patterned thong leotard humping a giant hotdog, Miley Cyrus’ Instagram account is here to remind you that’s she’s an edgy adult who does edgy adult things. Like decorating a five-foot bong with friendship bracelets and pompoms.
Imagine the tackiest thing you’ve ever seen. Now roll it in glitter, give it to some preteen girls obsessed with making their own jewelry and it still won’t be close to this monstrosity that Miley posted to her Instagram account over the weekend.
Captioned “Werk in progress” – Oh, how I wish that was a typo – this five foot cry for attention has been made with the help of her fans which means one of two things.
Either the approximately seven people in the world that are both Miley fans and old enough to smoke weed are working overtime in some kind of kawaii sweat shop, or some innocent preteen girls have spent time crafting friendship bracelets for their favourite singer to wear, only for her to use them to to decorate her drug paraphernalia. I’m not sure which option is funnier to imagine.
If one photo isn’t enough, there’s also a video of the bong in action. Not in the way you’re thinking of though, she’s saving that for when her next album comes out. Selling an album based on the music is for chumps, after all.
No, this bong also lights up! No pun intended. Flashing lights, dinosaur toys, fake flowers, Miley’s creative talents truly have no end. To be honest, I’m wondering if they ever had a beginning.
If and when the world grows tired of Miley’s act, it’s nice to know she has a future designing Happy Meal toys for Colorado branches of McDonalds.