Creased is bad. You know, like when jeans come out of the dryer with those horrible lines down the leg. Folded is much more preferable. Try doing that before you tumble dry – it really does work.

Folded:

• Space Cadets (the new Big Brother? No, wait, there’s no screechy annoying camp one)
• 22 Mega pixel digital camera (pity it will cost more than your life is worth)
• Young people (keeping the music industry nice and illegal. Way to go kids!)
• Radio controlled cars (they make great presents for guys, if anybody out there is still stuck for ideas?)
• Wrapping paper tube fighting (the better quality the paper, the thicker the cardboard roll. Hurts more)

Creased:

• Alcohol doesn’t save lives (that’s what they’re saying this week anyway)
• Christmas shopping (is starting now defined as last minute?)
• Fearne Cotton (gorgeous! Guvnor! Geezer! Pain in the neck!)
• Nintendo (peaked with the original Mario Kart and has been struggling ever since)
• Nizlopi’s JCB Song (hate affected accents. And women only like the song because it makes them feel broody. Think about it)

"Tell her you work for the CIA. She’ll be impressed."

From The Sum of All Fears (DVDs). An excellent movie, especially for poor old Ben Affleck. Listen to the Special Edition Tom Clancy commentary to hear just how much he loves what director Phil Alden Robinson has done with his novel ("That’s total bullshit!").

This week’s quote is from another excellent movie – and that’s your only clue.

"They might as well call it whitejack!"