If Folded is good and Creased is bad, where does Crumpled come in? Elsewhere on the Internet, we imagine.

Folded:

• Gorillaz’s Dirty Harry (CDs) (don’t hate them, you’ll just be trying too hard)
• Butter salted popcorn (it’s really not that bad)
• Batman Begins on DVD (genre perfect. Not a bat-foot wrong)
• Madonna’s butt cheeks (musically, a tired return to mediocrity. Still a fine old arse though)
• Erdinger beer (worth it for the glass elongated pint glass they give you)

Creased:

• Spending money on fireworks (weee! There goes sixty quid! Pow! There goes thirty! Boom! A new pair of jeans!)
• Little Britain (DVDs) (boxset release for the flogged-to-death sketch show)
• The Mitchell brothers’s return to Eastenders (they still look gay)
• Chaos and Creation by Paul McCartney (CDs) (barrel in the mouth dull)
• Westlife (just fuck off, will you?)

"You can act like a man!"

If that is not The Godfather (DVDs) we are comfortably pulling in two million quid in sponsorship a year. ‘GRC’, again you come up trumps – no prize yet though.

This week’s quote is much tougher, so guess at your peril folks. You could always Google it, but that takes away the fun.

"The issue here is not pussy. The issue here is monkey."