Watching Lost on DVD box-set all in one go = great (Folded). Watching Lost in dribs and drabs every week on the telly = crap (Creased).

We think you get the idea…

Folded:

• Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (yes, we have seen it and, yes, it is genius)
• British Film Industry (forget burning piers, this is something we actually give a damn about)
• John Peel Day (a bandwagon worth jumping on)
• Charlotte Church (CDs) (God help us, that brunette bob actually looks pretty good)
• Depeche Mode (CDs) (in the Top Five is a respectable showing, even if Precious doesn’t exactly break new ground)

Creased:

• Polanski’s Oliver Twist (we needed another James Blunt single more)
• Boy George (It s A Miracle he made it through customs)
• Q Awards (will everybody just stop giving Coldplay awards)
• Earthquakes (Asia’s having a rough run by anyone’s standards)
• Philip Olivier (how could anyone ever be friends with this lemon?)

"What the fuck did I do wrong? Tell me!"

No problemo, last week’s quote was from spermo-termo himself Arnold Schwarzenegger in the much-underrated Total Recall (DVDs).

This week’s is actually supposed to be funny:

"Don’t ever touch my balls without asking!"